There are a plethora of ghost investigation and storytelling programs blanketing today's television and admittedly I am one of their devotees. I'm not a fan of the "When Ghosts Attack" or any of those strictly terrifying type shows, as they do scare the f*ck outta me. I don't necessarily believe that ever location on every street, has a ghostly resident. If you watch enough of these programs, you are lead to believe that there is an influx of homeless spirits, as if Heaven has a housing problem.
I don't know if I truly believe in a ghostly afterlife. I've had a few experiences that would convince me there is, but in an effort to maintain some self reassurance (and preservation of sanity), I easily explain everything away, including simply shrugging off anything that can't be explained. A few weeks back, I was playing with my cat in my basement. He's been enthralled with the deep freeze I had delivered a couple of months back. Every time I open it to retrieve something out, he's right there, trying to get in. So in the midst of our play, I picked him up, opened the freezer and placed him inside. I NEVER closed the lid. I'd never do that to my little boy, but I wanted him to know what the deal was. He'd only been inside for a second or two, when suddenly I was struck, dead center, in the back with some kind of heavy metal object. I was the only person (other than the cat) down in that basement. I grabbed my boy out of the freezer, closed the lid and swung around, staring into open space. Nothing was there. Nothing that could be seen with the naked eye.
There are negative spaces in my basement. Cold spots, that according to the "professional" ghost investigators, can be attributed to the existence of ghosts. Stealing all the positive energy from around them, in an attempt to manifest themselves or hurl inanimate objects at the unsuspecting living. Then again, it is a basement. Basements have cold spots. It's an imperfect world. I admit some concern, blindly looking about the basement, before shrugging my shoulders and made my exit.
I can't say for sure, whether there is or is not anything residing in my house. It was only built in 1992, so it's not very old, but since moving in seven years ago, I've experienced weird little things, including seeing a black cat wander past the corner of my eye, years before I got my very own cat. One of the things my cat does, is sit and look past me to something behind me, although there never seems to be anything there. Or equally freaky, speaking of my basement, he will often wander into the basement and will sit attentively looking up at... nothing. I've heard that pets and small children are able to see ghostly apparitions. Both my nephews, on occasions as very small toddlers, have spoken of playing in the bedroom with grandpa. Both of their grandfathers have been long since deceased, well before their births.
My guilty pleasures include Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures and the recently cancelled, Haunted Collector, which featured famed paranormal investigator, John Zaffis. I am enthralled by the evidence that the investigators collect on their many many cases. I love the fact that the fellas (and gals) on Ghost Hunters will debunk and reveal anything that is being faked or exaggerated, including the time they were invited to investigate a haunted restaurant and bar on the west coast, where it was reported that a ghostly face would appear in the bathroom mirror. It was discovered that the mirror was back lit and most of the reported haunted spots in the establishment, was being faked by the owners. I appreciate, as a fan, that they went ahead and aired that episode, as a "f*ck you" to anyone who attempts to poke fun or make light of their science.
Although, of the three programs that I listed, Ghost Hunters seems to be the more ridiculous of the trio. Engulfed by the darkness, lit only in infrared green, investigators challenge the spirits to make a sound, then act all surprised and skeptical when their request is answered. "Show us you're here by knocking three times on the wall." Then they hear a muffled bump... bump... ...bump! Suddenly, they're shocked, charging down the hall calling out, "Who did that? Who's here? Show yourselves!" Why ask the spirits to do something then act all wild and f*cking nuts with they comply?
Ghost Adventures used to be an intriguing show. The three participants would get locked into a location for the entire night, with absolutely no access to the outside. If there were any ghosts and specters inside the house or structure where they were, they were stuck together whether they liked it or not. Nowadays, they have free range, coming and going at their leisure. If a situation gets too intense, they're free to leave and rest off-site. Plus, the evidence they collect went from being scattered and infrequent to (now) getting compelling evidence, every f*cking time. I still watch, but do so, now, tongue-in-cheek. I make my own decisions on whether the evidence is real or not.
John Zaffis' Haunted Collector, was the more interesting show of them all. He's of the believe that spirits or ghostly energy will attach themselves to objects, like an old hair brush or knives, blades or guns. Bones have been discovered, as well old mirrors and even poisons. A menagerie of objects were found during the short-lived series, as well as in his professional life, that were removed from the locations, resulting in the reduction or total disappearance of paranormal activity. I liked the show. It was interesting.
The most ridiculous of all the paranormal shows is Ghost Hunters International. I've tried to watch the show in the past, hoping it'd be as interesting and fun as the original Ghost Hunters, but fails miserably. Their investigators take all that shit SO f*cking serious, that fun is discouraged from investigations. Part of the charm of Ghost Hunters is the fun and joking that is exchanged between Steve Gonsalves and Dave Tango, including Steve betting $10 to Dave to put stuff in his mouth. Ghost Hunters International, never has these fun antics. Instead, it's straight-laced, no-nonsense, take-themselves-too-f*cking-serious. What bugs me more, though, is the international part of the show.
I know the title indicates that they investigate paranormal incidents across the globe, but what they fail to do is embrace the world cultures as they do their investigations. Every paranormal-type show does is guilty of this, but you'd think that a program which embraces it's internationality, would enter the enterprise a little more realistically. Last night, I recorded the Ghost Hunters International, mainly because Kris Williams, who began on the original Ghost Hunters, now appeared on GHI. She is the second from the left in the picture up top. She is very pretty and has big boobs. Two attributes I appreciate in a woman (among other things -- I'm not completely shallow, but I am honest).
Last night's show, was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. The crew were in American Samoa investigating claims that an ancient Samoan King haunted the grounds of a closed girl's school. The premise, itself, sounds f*cking ridiculous. Like a king doesn't have better things to do, than haunt a deserted learning facility. During the program, locals are interviewed and maybe, 95% or better of them, aren't able to speak a lick of English. I'm a little confused as to why the island is called American Samoa, if none of the motherf*ckers living there, can speak the f*cking language? But I digress.
None of them can speak English now, so suffice it to assume that NONE of them spoke any English two or three hundred years ago. Yet, investigators venture out into the darkness and call out and do EVPs (Electronic Voice Phenomenon), all in English. They received very little feedback. Some, in the Samoan language, which I'm sure loosely translated into "What the f*ck are you saying? Speak the language, motherf*cker!" Especially rough, was the investigator, Joe Chin, the chubby Asian dude (the too-cool-for-school dude in the shades in the picture), who speaks like Elmer Fudd. If I thought ancient Samoans had a rough time understanding the regular folks, trying to decipher the speech impediment of a virtual cartoon character, would be extremely difficult. "If yo he-oh, show yo-say-uwf."
"If day-ohs any evidence, it-oh re-veo it-sewf du-wing analysis." How ridiculous is it that grown-ass-adults still speak like this today?
I have some doubts that there is any sort of spirits residing in my house, or more specifically, my basement. If I were a ghost, I'd plant myself in the living room and hope that the residents of my home shared my interest in television. I love TV and would be content on spending eternity watching it, provided they stayed away from shit like The Bachelor, Grey's Anatomy or The Good Wife. F*ck that shit. That'd be Hell. Spending eternity watching Paranormal shows and NCIS re-runs... Now THAT, would be Heaven.
