Reindeer Games

As if being named Rudolph wasn't bad enough. A name that sound remarkably similar to Adolph, a name forever ruined by that Nazi c*cksucker, but then the little reindeer, with the odd nasal feature, gets repeatedly picked on by his peers.

A conglomeration of reindeer who should be revered and respected by all who celebrate the Christmas season, and this nasty f*cks are picking on and bullying a little runt of a reindeer, all because his nose glows red instead of being cold and black and draining nasal fluid and snot all over everything. I mean seriously! You ever have the misfortune of eyeing up an animal of a bovine nature? Whether it be a cow, a moose, a bison or a reindeer, them bastards are forever oozing shit outta their noses. And these reindeer are celebrated in song? What...ever!

So here we are. Present day. All year long, Santa's reindeer team are keeping fit by playing games and other similar activities, all the while, shunning the poor little reindeer known to all as Rudolph. Then, with Christmas Eve finally upon them, their faced with insurmountable odds. A fog has rolled in, and NOT just locally at the North Pole. But due to global warming (I suspect), the fog has blanketed the entire Earth. Santa's annual task of delivering toys and joy to children of all ages around the world, is threatened. Until, the idea of using Rudolph and his shiny red nose as a method of guiding the sleigh and eight tiny reindeer around the world.

Oh! Well suddenly guess who's kissing Rudy's soft little brown ass? The eight reindeer and that fat bastard Santa, who despite knowing the other reindeer were shitting on the poor little guy all year long, chose not to step in, citing that the constant ribbing would help make Rudolph stronger and tougher. Now, with their livelihoods on the line, and quite possibly their very lives, Rudolph is suddenly the handiest thing since bread came sliced.

Well, it just shows that Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a better person than I, as he set aside all his hurt and disgruntled feelings and decided to help the crew out on that fateful night. I, myself, would have pointed a finger at all of them and told 'em to "go f*ck themselves", adding that if I wasn't good enough to gallup around with the team before, why the hell am I so f*cking special now? Because of my ruby red nose? F*ck that!!! But no. Rudolph set aside his greivances and set forth, guiding all onward and upward.

Alas, Christmas was saved! All the little boys and all the little girls of the world over, got to wake up early on Christmas morn, greeted by shiny new sleds, baseball gloves, dolls, and Easy-Bake ovens. Upon their return to the North Pole, all the reindeer suddenly loved the little guy, shouting out with glee, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, you'll go down in history!!!"

Yeah! Right! A worthless piece of shit yesterday, not even worth the spit draining from their noses, and today they're all riding his coat-tails. Hoping to score just a little piece of the fame that Rudolph has coming to him from that day forth. Donner and Blitzen and Goofy or whatever the f*ck the other one's names are, never had any songs written about them. They appear only as a footnote in the openning lines of Rudolph's song.

But the one thing I always hoped that would've happened after Rudolph returned from that fateful trip was: After all those fail attempts to play the reindeer games, then finally being allowed to participate, I'd always hoped that he'd play the games, then quit almost immediately, pointing out "Ya know...? These games are actually, pretty f*ckin' gay!!! I don't want to play them anymore..."

Season's Greetings, everyone!!!!
And Have a VERY Happy New Year!!!