Does A Bear Shit In The Woods?

Does a bear shit in the woods?  Yes.  I suppose it does.  However, another quandary that has bugged me for awhile, now, concerns zombies.

The premise of zombies has plagued our culture for over half a century, if not longer.  Zombies have certainly been a mainstay in cinema, made most famous by the George A. Romero movies, which include "Night of the Living Dead", "Day of the Dead", and "Dawn of the Dead", just to name a few, as well as inspired other film makers to produce their own spins of the zombie phenomenon.  Like AMC's "The Walking Dead", Brit, Simon Pegg's comedic "Shaun of the Dead", and most recently, the Brad Pitt vehicle, "World War Z", which offered an entirely new spin on the zombie genre.

However, as much as the zombie craze eats at our imaginations and nightmares, one question has eluded me for quite sometime now.  Given my unique outlook on life and the world, when watching such media involving the undead, I find myself distracted by this mystery.  I doubt that there are many others, if any at all, who wonder about the inner mechanics of a zombie.

If any one of us (living souls) were to sit down and gorge ourselves with a hearty meal, it wouldn't be long before we'd need to visit the commode to evacuate our bowels.  So I pose this query, given all the brains and guts that a zombie feeds upon, do they not poop?  With their increased craving for human flesh driving their need to feed, logically, the more they devour, one of two things would be the inevitable outcome.  Either one, they simply shit themselves.  Or two, they would grow well beyond the capacity of what their rotting flesh could contain, resulting in a rupture of the lower torso, causing everything to spill out onto the ground.  I would dare to venture a guess in supposing that the latter would initiate cannibalism among the zombie herd.

That is what logic dictates, although evidence of that has never been profiled in any zombie movies that I am familiar with.  Mostly because zombies tend to die rather quickly with a bullet to the brain or a tire iron skillful thrust through their skull.  And even the ones who do "survive" and assault from the living, the camera very seldom, if ever sticks around to showcase a "day in the un-life of a zombie".

There's no evidence of zombies succumbing to exploded stomachs and intestines.  Yet I doubt that during their aimless trek across the land, that they slyly sneak behind a bush to quickly drop a deuce before continuing their quest.  Therefore, it is most likely that shit themselves. The consistency of what zombie fecal matter would be, but I've consume rare beef in the past and it's not had a good reaction in the bathroom.  So by process of elimination, it's safe to presume that a zombie's defecation would one of an oily or greasy secretion, rather than a chunky mass that would easily run down their pant leg.  While a zombie's appearance is unkempt and dirty, I've never noticed any disturbing (and disgusting) brownish-black shit stains on their wardrobe.  Not that I'm in the habit of checking out the asses of the undead.

So, to answer the question;  Does a bear shit in the woods?  Hell yeah, it does.  But does a zombie bear shit in the woods?  Who the f*ck knows?!?  But I wouldn't want to be around to find out.