Way Down In The Village

My mom is a sweetheart.  A kind hearted soul without a malicious bone in her body.  Generous to a fault, that goes unnoticed, sometimes.  I feel guilty coming to realize this so late in life.  I enjoy spending time with my mother, nowadays.  I realize that our time together, in the grand scheme of things, isn't going to be that long.  I don't wish this to sound like she's taken ill, because she has not.  I'm confident that she'll, in most likelihood, will outlive me.  That withstanding, I feel some guilt in how I've treated my mother in the past.

As I've already stated, and anyone who's ever crossed paths with my mom, will know that she is a sweetheart.  However, my mom is as gullible as she is sweet and in my youth, played a terrible gag on my mother one late evening.

I was at the home of my sister and her first husband, Grant.  Another of his friends, Kevin L., was present when they concocted this funny joke to play on my mom.  It was late evening, as I recall, and Grant's pal, Kevin, dialed up my mom's phone number.  It was probably around 10pm.  Groggily, my mom answered the phone, her voice cracking as she said, "Hello?"

Immediately, Kevin breaks into character, speaking very formal-like, as a police constable.  He informed her that I'd been arrested and that it was necessary for me (Jeff) to be bailed out that evening.  That's when he handed me the phone to elaborate on the story we were feeding her.

Still sleepy, having just been woken up by this terrible prank, she asked what was going on.  I played along, embroidering a twisted, yet simplistic yarn of how I had been driving home, via 20th Street.  Normally, this was not a route I'd normally take, given how scary the neighbourhood is at night.  It's scary during the day, but night time really brings out the cockroaches, even back then.

"I was sitting at a red light," I explained, "When this woman jumped in my car.  I told her to get out, but she refused.  Then the light turned green and I had no choice but to go through."

I really painted the picture for my mother, churning her imagination into a frenzy.  "I'd gone a couple of blocks," I continued explaining, "When suddenly I saw flashing red and blue lights in my mirror."

My mom was really becoming vocal at this point, interrupting me before I could explain why I had been (supposedly) arrested.  I cut my tale short, but simply adding, "I was arrested for soliciting a prostitute."

"WHAT?!?" she screamed into the phone, "What am I supposed to do?"  It was at this point that Grant, my former brother-in-law, took control of the phone, posing as another officer.  Grant had a very distinct voice and we figured that my mom would catch on that this was a gag when he began his pitch.  

"Ma'am, your son was picked up on 20th Street West, under the suspicion of solicitation of a prostitute.  You're going to need to bring $400 downtown if you don't want your son to spend the night in jail."

"Where on 20th Street?" my mom asked.  I'm not sure as to why this was an important tidbit of information, but Grant quickly panicked, answering, "Awe, shoosh!!  Way down in the village."  Then he proceeded to toss the phone in my hands and run across the room, as if to hide.  Grant was a strange idiot, who despite concocting this pranks, was a terrible liar.  He couldn't keep the facts straight on any story without trying to elaborate then failing miserably.  The fact that he was able to fool my sister over his infidelities for so long, is a complete mystery.

I continued to pull the proverbial wool over my mom's eyes, suggesting that she call my dad for the bail money when she told me she didn't have the cash available on short notice.  I only suggested my dad's involvement because I knew him to be at work and virtually impossible to reach until morning.

Definitive sobbing of worry and sorrow could be heard over the phone and that's when we came clean about the farce, confessing that it was all just a ruse and that I hadn't been arrested and that everything was fine.  The sadness had disappeared from her tone, but she never laughed at the premise, nor did she voice any opinions.  I'd really riled her up and probably removed a few years off of her life because of a stupid prank that, in retrospect, wasn't actually all that amusing to begin with.

Many of the little tricks that I've done in my younger years, seemed important or funny, at the time, but as I reflect back on what memories I can still stir up, they weren't all that funny, after all.  Hopefully, in the years since, that I've become a better son to my mom.  I hope that before she shuffles off this mortal coil, that she will look upon me with pride.  My dad passed away before I could make anything of myself, but I like to think that if he were alive today, he'd finally look upon me with some pride.  

My relationship with my mom is a lot better in recent years.  I think that when she sold her house then came to stay with me for, a month, then three months then almost a full year, that our relationship got better.  Now, when time permits, we get together either at my house or her condo.  We'll have nice suppers and watch movies or TV shows.  We have our menagerie of home improvement shows and TV mysteries when she comes to my house and at her house, we'll cue up a movie or binge watch a TV series.  We just finished up Yellowstone a few months ago, as well as the Justified series.  Right now work has me completely exhausted, so I don't get to spend as much time with my mom as I initially could, but if I can manage my time better, I'm sure we can get back to visiting on a regular basis.

My mom tells me that she doesn't have many friends.  Many of them have lost touch and those relationships have all but severed completely.  Luckily in the condo where she resides now, she's made a lot of new friends.  It's a real sense of community in that building and I like it.  It's good for her.  My mom has always been sociable.  Always capable of making new friends, instantly.  My mom is a sweetheart.  As loyal as they come and not a malicious bone in her body.  All I can do is hope she's happy and I'll do my best to keep her that way.