Lilliputian Injustice

Listening to the radio on the way home from my mom's house.  Radio personality & all around funny man, Greg Beharrell chimed in between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Collective Soul to mention how wasteful it is for pizza companies to just use the tiny table in their pizza boxes and throwing away all the tiny little chairs.  I took a moment to think about the words that just tumbled out of Mr. Beharrell's mouth and into my ear holes.  The words dancing around inside my cranium, like a pinball on adrenaline.  Bing. Bing. Bang. Boop.  I don't know exactly what the boop was, but it got my creative juices a flowin' and got my fat ass seated in front of my laptop to bring y'all another rousing edition of my Brain Matter.

"Yes!" I muttered to myself and yes, I tend to audibly speak to myself when I'm alone.  All geniuses do and if you don't, then well....  (Insert awkward pause.😳)

"Yes!" I audibly said, as the heavy guitar riff from Collective Soul's Where the River Flows began.  "That is wasteful..., unless..."

Maybe the pizza companies don't just toss out the tiny chairs, maybe the chairs are donated to tiny people.  Tiny people who use and appreciate these free chairs, but seeing as the tables are all absent, used to save the hot melted cheese on pizzas from sticking to the top of the box, instead.

Poor tiny people forced to sit and eat their dinners and their snacks off their laps like the olden days before tables were invented. How many millions of chairs have been given away since the advent of the tiny pizza table?  There's, at least, a pair of chairs to every table and judging from the bulging waistlines of most North American's, there's a f*ck-ton of tiny chairs out there somewhere...  Probably in the dump, because who are we kidding?  Corporate Pizza doesn't give a shit about helping tiny people out.  Tiny people aren't buying giant pizzas.  Tiny people aren't the target audience for such privileges as pizza.

Greg Beharrell has exposed the pizza industry for what they are.  Evil overlords who oppress tiny people who stand at less than two inches.  Greg Beharrell is a good man and we should thank him for bringing this injustice to light.