Pardon the pun, but HOLY CRAP!!! Talk about a day from Hell. I've only experienced one such day as this, once before, and at that time, I was only able to maneuver about town, seeking medical attention, if I were able to travel quick enough to a public washroom before the next terrorist attack in my pants.
Today I was inflicted with Montezuma's Revenge, as it is called by some describing a fiery discharge from one's pooper. Although I've not visited Mexico recently or ever, the effects have been the same, however. The culprit to blame for this serious and fiery condition, I suspect would be the discounted burritos I purchased from my local grocer. By nature, I am a cheap bastard, so any opportunity to save a buck or so, I'll pounce on. Imagine my delight when I discovered the bean and beef burritos marked down by half at the grocery store down the street from my house. For the store to discount any food item by 50%, the expiry date is most likely around the corner. To my own fault, I probably should have consumed the food items that night, but instead I placed them in the refrigerator and forgot about them for a couple of weeks. So when I came home last night after my visit with my physiotherapist, I was too spent to make any real meals for myself and resorted to finding something in my fridge.
On the bottom shelf, tucked way behind a couple packages of cheese slices, I rediscovered the burritos. Throwing caution to the wind, I warmed those bastards up in the microwave and ate them for supper. All seemed fine until about a quarter to four in the morning, when I was abruptly woken up by sharp pains in my abdomen. I thought I was stricken with appendicitis. That is until I quickly sprang to the adjoining bathroom. Horrendous, was the feelings that followed. In fact, what followed, continued from the wee-early morning, straight into the afternoon. Thinking the worst was behind me, pardon the pun, I attempted to leave the house to seek medical attention, but quickly returned to the confines of my bathroom.
Since 4am, I've spent a majority of my time, perched upon the commode, emitting a hot burning substance I can only equate to liquid fire, and following up with what I can only compare to as steam. My legs are cramped and I fear that the only true relief I'm going to feel in the hours that follow, is if I were to strip naked from the waste down and plant myself in the snowbank in front of my house. I believe in global warming, as it is present and accounted for in my rear end. Even at this moment, I find myself racing to and from the bathroom. Thank goodness for Febreze air freshener spray. Instead of smelling like a backed up sewer, the "After the Rain" scent makes my lavatory smell like... I'll spare you the gory details on that...
Today I was inflicted with Montezuma's Revenge, as it is called by some describing a fiery discharge from one's pooper. Although I've not visited Mexico recently or ever, the effects have been the same, however. The culprit to blame for this serious and fiery condition, I suspect would be the discounted burritos I purchased from my local grocer. By nature, I am a cheap bastard, so any opportunity to save a buck or so, I'll pounce on. Imagine my delight when I discovered the bean and beef burritos marked down by half at the grocery store down the street from my house. For the store to discount any food item by 50%, the expiry date is most likely around the corner. To my own fault, I probably should have consumed the food items that night, but instead I placed them in the refrigerator and forgot about them for a couple of weeks. So when I came home last night after my visit with my physiotherapist, I was too spent to make any real meals for myself and resorted to finding something in my fridge.
On the bottom shelf, tucked way behind a couple packages of cheese slices, I rediscovered the burritos. Throwing caution to the wind, I warmed those bastards up in the microwave and ate them for supper. All seemed fine until about a quarter to four in the morning, when I was abruptly woken up by sharp pains in my abdomen. I thought I was stricken with appendicitis. That is until I quickly sprang to the adjoining bathroom. Horrendous, was the feelings that followed. In fact, what followed, continued from the wee-early morning, straight into the afternoon. Thinking the worst was behind me, pardon the pun, I attempted to leave the house to seek medical attention, but quickly returned to the confines of my bathroom.
Since 4am, I've spent a majority of my time, perched upon the commode, emitting a hot burning substance I can only equate to liquid fire, and following up with what I can only compare to as steam. My legs are cramped and I fear that the only true relief I'm going to feel in the hours that follow, is if I were to strip naked from the waste down and plant myself in the snowbank in front of my house. I believe in global warming, as it is present and accounted for in my rear end. Even at this moment, I find myself racing to and from the bathroom. Thank goodness for Febreze air freshener spray. Instead of smelling like a backed up sewer, the "After the Rain" scent makes my lavatory smell like... I'll spare you the gory details on that...
