At long last, I sat down tonight and viewed the movie "50/50", which stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen. Levitt portrays a cancer patient who learns that he's got a rare form of cancer that has a survival rate of 50%. The story shows how he deals with his own mortality, but more importantly, how even though he's able to bravely manage his condition, he is oblivious to how those around him are being affected. The movie is loosely based on a friend of Seth Rogen's, so the subject matter hit pretty close to home for the Canadian actor.
My own father, passed away a little over thirteen years ago, succumbing to his own cancers (yes, cancers plural). I can't recall which two types of cancer he had. I believe one was in his esophagus, which is one that he'd battled (unknowingly) for a number of years. There was another cancer two, which has spread from the first, but I can't recall what it was. Needless to say, by the time medical help was sought, it was too late and he died a couple of months later.
That is pretty much my only experience with cancer directly. Indirectly, I had a friend around the same time that was stricken with testicular cancer. At the time, in a show of solidarity, a few of us friends all shaved our heads, bald, so he would not be the only one to stand out. I thought it was a nice gesture, and I think he appreciated it. I remember the night we all did it, the shaving of our heads, that is. No one really knew what they were doing, but had some fun with it all the same. I remember my friend, D_____, the fellow with the cancer, went first, opting for a mohawk, before finally taking it all off. Next was T_____, his "toxic twin" (drinking pal), who instead, shaved the top of his head, leaving the sides and back, resembling himself as an old man, before finally taking off all his hair. A couple more did it before it was finally my turn. As I'd stated, no one really knew what they were doing at first, so there were a lot of nicks and cuts on those first few craniums, before everyone honed their craft. By the time it was my turn, all hair was removed without incident or injury.
Watching the movie, tonight, though, I came to a conclusion. A sort of theory, if you will. Despite my outward appearance, I've always remained fairly healthy. My family seem to all thing that I am destined for an early grave, but they're full of shit and should really worry about their own affairs and leave my shit alone. However, I truly believe that I can't (and likely won't) ever be stricken with anything major like cancer, and this is the reason why: I don't have anyone to share it with.
By this I mean, the people that I've experienced cancer and serious shit with, have always had a strong family presence or a loved one like a girlfriend or alike to lean on in times of strife. I don't have that. I'm not particularly close (in that way) to my family, nor do I have anyone of significant importance in my life, like a girlfriend or anyone. No one I would burden with trivial shit like cancer. I haven't a soul, which I believe will ultimately save my life. "You can't lose everything, if you don't have anything to lose." The downside, of course, is the fact that I will probably continue to be lonely and miserable. So it's not all sunshine and roses.
I do not have cancer, nor do I speculate that I will be stricken with it anytime soon. I do, however, go into the hospital on June 29th, to be put under anesthesia for some sort of procedure to find out why I continue to choke on food, but I doubt that will be anything too terribly serious, and doubt very much that I would die from such a routine procedure. I mean, f*ck! I've had the same routine performed on me a half dozen times, while completely conscious, so the positive is that I'm going to be under some heavy duty narcotics, and drugs are ALWAYS fun.
Rocker Billy Joel has the song "Only The Good Die Young". There are no worries by this cat, as I'm not as good as people think I am, so I won't be dying anytime soon. Besides which.., I'm a Juggalo! And wicked clowns, never NEVER DIE!!!
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