Sunday, December 23, 2012

Christmas Jobber

Strangely, I'm in more of a Christmas spirit this year, than I have been in the past.  Being that I'm a single fella, I find the holiday season to be most depressing.  It's great when you have someone to share it with, and since the birth of my nephew, Jake, and his little brother, Chad, who is experiencing his first Christmas this year, the experience is a little less abrasive.  This year, however, seems a little more content, and I suspect it's because I've been bestowed the "honour" of portraying the jolly fat man for my friend's children and some others.  Nervous, I am, but somewhat excited, as well.

So with my elevated Christmas spirit, I've been humming and singing more Christmas tunes than usual, and in doing so, their lyrics have drawn my attention and stirred my imagination.  For example, the Christmas carol, "We Wish You A Merry Christmas".  Particularly the lines, "Now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right here!"  Despite all the good will towards everyone during this season, these lyrics seem quite demanding and out of context.  How good could figgy pudding really be that it would cause people to forgo all good manners and demand that they be served this tasty treat?  There's a lot of tasty foods associated with the Christmas season, but none has forced me to demand "Bring it here on the double, damn it!"  Judging by the picture above, it does look quite inviting, although it may be too sweet for even my palate.  Not knowing what it was, exactly, I looked it up.

Imagine my surprise when I learned that the fig is a fruit associated with the Ficus plant.  For those unaware, I purchased a small Ficus plant as a house warming gift for some friends a year or two ago, and it has since then grown from a few inches tall to now touching the high ceiling of their home.  I'm not aware of whether it bears any small fruit or not, but the plant is massive, and knowing the culinary gifts that these new home owners possess, I'm certain that if there are any figs on this Ficus (aka "The Stupid Jeff Plant" as they affectionately call it), then some tasty treats may be appearing at a social gathering in the future, and knowing M______, she'll probably add bacon to the recipe somewhere...

There's another carol that sparked my attention, specifically "Winter Wonderland".  I don't know why this is considered a Christmas carol, as it fails to mention Christmas, by name, anywhere in the song, and being a resident of Canada, I know for a fact that winter extends a lot longer than just the few weeks before Christmas.  Most years, the snow flies at the end of October or early November and stays until early-to-mid April, causing several weeks and months to be a "winter wonderland".  This isn't the only facet of the song that curbs my attention.  There are some lyrics that I've found questionable for many years and am just now addressing in this forum.

"In the meadow, we can build a snowman / We can pretend he's Parson Brown".  I don't know who Parson Brown is, but that's no matter, it's the next couple of lines that piqued my interest.  "He'll say: Are you married? / We'll say: No man! / But you can do the job / When you're in town".  You can do the job?  To me, this makes her sound like a tramp (or worse).  If she's hot, then I'll happily apply for the job, but long distance travel seems like too much of a hassle for just a booty call.

Lastly, I must address the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".  Seeing as how I'm going to be acting the part of jolly Saint Nick, I should get behind some of the lyrics to better portray the role.  "He sees you when your sleeping"...  Creepy.  "He knows when you're awake / He knows when you've been bad or good".  Uhm, "Stalker"?!?

I'll dial back the creepy stalker aspect of the role and play him as the happy jolly fat guy that Hollywood has made him for the last fifty some years.  It's what the kids know and love.  I've been walking about the house today, practicing the belly-jiggling laugh and the voice.  My cat, Monkey, is looking at me like I'm high, a little pissed at me, too, for not sharing whatever it was I smoked.  I'm not too worried.  Some have shown their support for my doing this.  I just hope I don't f*ck it all up and ruin the illusion of Santa Claus for them, like it was shattered for me when I was a little kid.

Here's to WISHING YOU ALL A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS....!!

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