Profligation

Dreams.  What could they mean?  Merely products of an overactive mind?  Or do they provide a glimpse into an uncertain future?  It's difficult to say for sure, but for decades, there has loads of science investigating the unconscious state of dreaming.  The causes, the need and/or the necessity of dreaming.  That's not what this is about.

My dreams tend to air on the side of strange.  I know this much about my unconscious state.  My dreams tend to be something as stupid as white water rafting with the likes of WWE superstars, The Undertaker,  Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Triple H) and Stephanie McMahon or I've dreamt murder/mystery stories that could be blockbuster films if ever realized on the silver screen.  Most of the really good stuff, quickly disappears once I awaken and I can't remember the finite details.  (Plus, I can barely write this blog that no one reads, let alone pen the next Hollywood hit.)

This morning, I awoke about a half dozen times, from the time of 5am all the way up to the present (8:30am).  Normally when I wake up this often, my head is plagued with a number of images and stories, but not on this day.  I woke up every time, wondering..;  Is trounce a multiple of bounce?

Now before the one reader who mistakenly wandered onto this site and decided "What the hell?" and read it anyway, saw this statement and has declared me a f**king moron, keep in mind, I've already Googled the meaning of both and know that bounce doesn't restrict an item to hitting the ground twice and trounce doesn't refer to three rebounds or more.  If I continued down the path of trying to declare this to be the case would be shear idiocy. This is simply an example of how my brain works.

       

In the back of my mind, I knew there was a difference.  That the explanation wasn't as simple as bi meaning two and tri meaning three.  The English language can be a little f**ked up, but it makes more sense than this.  Again, my brain works differently than other people's.  Always has, even before I had my accident.

I had a dream once, where I was at a Agriculture show with two people of whom I was familiar with (in the dream, but in real life, I hadn't met them yet).  The reason this dream was so memorable was the three of us were speaking to a farmer about emu's.  Up to this point, I had never heard of an Emu, and when I awoke, I had to investigate whether or not this was a real thing.  It is.  Many months later, I was attending a class at SIAST and our class was sent to the local Agribition, where I hung out with classmates, Christine and Derek.  Two people who I hadn't known when I had the initial dream, but whom I was familiar with that day and... Yes!  We stopped and spoke with a farmer who raised... [dramatic pause] ... Emus.  F**king weird, right?

I could fill volumes about the strange dreams I've had and have been able to remember.  Who the hell knows about all the shit I've forgotten?  I'm willing to bet that I probably did have a few million dollar ideas in the mix.  However, I believe this blog has strayed far enough off the initial subject that I had hoped to address in this blog, this morning.  I'm like Hulk Hogan, by which I mean, I can't seem to stay on one subject and am distracted by all the shiny shit that accompanies said subject.  (If you're one of the sorry souls who read Hulk Hogan's book from way back, you'll understand that reference.  It was a painful read, to say the least.)

Bounce: (verb) (of an object, especially a ball) Move quickly up, back, or away from a surface after hitting it; rebound (once or repeatedly).

(noun) Rebound of a ball or other object.

Trounce: (verb) To defeat heavily in a contest; To rebuke or punish severely.

Emu: The emu is the second-largest living bird by height, after its ratite relative, the ostrich. It is endemic to Australia where it is the largest native bird and the only extant member of the genus Dromaius.

Profligate: recklessly extravagant or wasteful in the use of resources. (Or this edition of Brain Matter.)

I don't really have an out for this blog, so I will leave you with this.  If you've made it this far into this blog and liked it?  You're my audience and you may enjoy previous entries.  They're not all golden, but some of them are pretty good.  If you begrudgingly made it this far and haven't liked a single word, except maybe Emu (because it is a fun word to say), you have my apologies.  However, you may want to check out past entries.  They're not all golden, but some of them actually are pretty good.

In closing, everyone have a Merry Christmas! 🎅

Ain't What It's Cracked Up To Be

The movie HERCULES is set to release this Friday, July 25th, and it will most likely be a tremendous blockbuster hit.  I really hope it is, as it's star, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, deserves much success.  Other than reading the odd article on Johnson's incredible workout regiment and dedicated diet in preparation for the film, I knew very little about the film.  Moments ago, before settling down to type out this blog, I finished watching a two-minute trailer that a friend posted up on Facebook.  Sadly, the trailer leaves much to speculation, story-wise, but this may be a good thing as most modern day movie trailers are guilty of showing all the good parts in the trailer and leaving the rest of the movie as empty filler, like discarded packing peanuts.  What I did gain from the HERCULES movie trailer, however, is that there's going to be much comic-relief -- which will most likely become tedious and annoying -- and many gratuitous fight sequences.

Another point stressed in the film's trailer was a strong emphasis on the superhuman strength possessed by the man known as Hercules.  An attribute as his mother is a common human, but his father is the great and powerful Zeus.  The fabled stories would have you believe that Hercules would possess the strength of ten men, a trait I believe will be multiplied ten-fold by Hollywood, and judging from Dwayne Johnson' incredible physique, may not be too far off the mark...

This claim of incredible prowess got me to thinking.  Percy Jackson's father is the Greek God, Poseidon.  It's a given that Poseidon may not be as powerful as Zeus, but the two were brothers, so that ought to mean something.  Therefore, shouldn't Percy Jackson possess the same physical strength as his cousin, Hercules?  Or at the very least, a fraction of his perceived strength?  I would imagine having the strength of even just five men would come in handy for some of his adventures, but instead, he's left with being clever and his two close friends.

Speaking of the offspring of the gods.  Shouldn't the biggest name on the list, J.C., himself have possessed some kind of superior ability?  Exceptional strength or an increased ability of any sort?  From what I've gathered throughout time is that Jesus Christ had the gift of gab.  An elevated ability to charm the weak-minded folks around him into believing the hogwash he was spouting.  A kind of super-power, I suppose, but one that differs from the old Snake Oil salesman from the early 20th century.  However, like those spinning wondrous tales of make-believe, the consequences of his yarns eventually caught up to him and he was hung out on the cross.  I bet he would've liked to have had the strength of ten men on that day.

I guess when it's all said and done; Being the son of a God, ain't all what it's cracked up to be.

Tarantino Stole My Dream

I am not an actor.  Not by any means.  I aspired to be one, as a young child, like many kids do.  However, when my parents told me I would never be good enough, I had to accept that reality.  After all, they were grown ups and I was just a little kid.  I figured, they knew what they were talking about.

After so many years, this reality must have crept into my subconscious, as this morning I had the strangest of dreams.  Not to say that I never have strange dreams, because over the years, I have had some doozies.  For instance, as a child I do recall being scooped up and eaten by King Kong.  Odd for a herbivore to devour a human being, especially one as piddly as I was.  I remember not being chewed, but popped like a pill and the journey down to his stomach was lengthy enough that I could look all around me and process the scene of which I was passing, rather quickly, by.  Bananas.  Tons and tons of bananas, lined his throat.  Pretty f*ckin' strange, huh?

Hence the reality that the dream I awoke to this morning being of equal strangeness.  Although I wasn't consumed by an over-sized movie monster, it was bizarre all the same.  I dreamed that I was on the set of a Quentin Tarantino movie.  I was standing in a line with actor Eli Roth and a red-headed actress whom I did not recognize.  We each had a special weapon in our possession, used more for slicing than cutting.  I recall that my fellow companions regaled at the uniqueness of my blade.  We were going over our lines for the scene that we were about to film.  Standing back, the two actors ahead of me were trading off lines, back and forth, like the true professionals that they were.  Although I was in the very same scene, I realized that I didn't know a single line.  "I'm not an actor!" I thought to myself, "How did I get into this situation?"  Never the less, I joined in the rehearsal, adlibbing my lines as they progressed, them pausing to look at me, momentarily, before giving me words of encouragement.  Apparently, I was there to be comedic affect.  I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

There was already talk that this was going to be an Oscar-worthy motion picture, and though I knew I'd never be nominated for such a prestigious award, it was refreshing to know that I was going to be a part of something so grand.  Quentin finally appeared before us, just as a row of train cars rolled up.  It was gleaming in the morning sun.  Jet black with a thick bright gold stripe running lengthwise from it's nose all the way to it's fourth and rear car.

Quentin engaged in some idle chit-chat with my co-stars before turning to me.  "Ah, Jeff.  Glad you made it." he said, as though we were kindred spirits separated by time, "Follow me, I have a special job for you to do."  He lifted a velvet rope that I hadn't seen up to this point.  I ducked under it and followed the famed director off towards the train.

"The train that you see here, contains all of the recording devices that we're using for this movie." he explained to me, brandishing his arm in such a grandioso manner. "However, we haven't anyone who is able to operate this train."  Quentin paused for a moment, then turned to look at me.  "That's where you come in.  I need you to run this train for me.  Ensure that it's onset at all times.  Can you do this for me, Jeff?  This is a very important job.  I need you to do this."

Preposterous as it sounds, I heard these words escape my lips, "But Quentin!  I'm an actor!"

I know, right?  Growing up my parents never believed I'd ever be good enough for such a profession, so why would I think I was now?  Never the less, I said it.  Spoken words of desperation to one of Hollywood's finest movie generals.  Even though minutes before, I was questioning why I was on board for a motion picture of this caliber, I was now confident enough that I could pull off the role for which I was hired to play.

Placing his arm on my shoulders, Quentin was a little hesitant to inform me that he and the producers had decided to cut my part from the movie.  I would still be paid the agreed upon salary that was declared in my contract, however they still needed me to work for my paycheck.  Given my "history" of driving a forklift, it was a given that I'd be qualified to operate this specialized train.  I failed to see then, and even now in my conscious state, what the hell one has to do with the other, but I hung my head in defeat and soon found myself sadly looking down from the cockpit of the train, at the world that could've been.

Christmas Jobber

Strangely, I'm in more of a Christmas spirit this year, than I have been in the past.  Being that I'm a single fella, I find the holiday season to be most depressing.  It's great when you have someone to share it with, and since the birth of my nephew, Jake, and his little brother, Chad, who is experiencing his first Christmas this year, the experience is a little less abrasive.  This year, however, seems a little more content, and I suspect it's because I've been bestowed the "honour" of portraying the jolly fat man for my friend's children and some others.  Nervous, I am, but somewhat excited, as well.

So with my elevated Christmas spirit, I've been humming and singing more Christmas tunes than usual, and in doing so, their lyrics have drawn my attention and stirred my imagination.  For example, the Christmas carol, "We Wish You A Merry Christmas".  Particularly the lines, "Now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right here!"  Despite all the good will towards everyone during this season, these lyrics seem quite demanding and out of context.  How good could figgy pudding really be that it would cause people to forgo all good manners and demand that they be served this tasty treat?  There's a lot of tasty foods associated with the Christmas season, but none has forced me to demand "Bring it here on the double, damn it!"  Judging by the picture above, it does look quite inviting, although it may be too sweet for even my palate.  Not knowing what it was, exactly, I looked it up.

Imagine my surprise when I learned that the fig is a fruit associated with the Ficus plant.  For those unaware, I purchased a small Ficus plant as a house warming gift for some friends a year or two ago, and it has since then grown from a few inches tall to now touching the high ceiling of their home.  I'm not aware of whether it bears any small fruit or not, but the plant is massive, and knowing the culinary gifts that these new home owners possess, I'm certain that if there are any figs on this Ficus (aka "The Stupid Jeff Plant" as they affectionately call it), then some tasty treats may be appearing at a social gathering in the future, and knowing M______, she'll probably add bacon to the recipe somewhere...

There's another carol that sparked my attention, specifically "Winter Wonderland".  I don't know why this is considered a Christmas carol, as it fails to mention Christmas, by name, anywhere in the song, and being a resident of Canada, I know for a fact that winter extends a lot longer than just the few weeks before Christmas.  Most years, the snow flies at the end of October or early November and stays until early-to-mid April, causing several weeks and months to be a "winter wonderland".  This isn't the only facet of the song that curbs my attention.  There are some lyrics that I've found questionable for many years and am just now addressing in this forum.

"In the meadow, we can build a snowman / We can pretend he's Parson Brown".  I don't know who Parson Brown is, but that's no matter, it's the next couple of lines that piqued my interest.  "He'll say: Are you married? / We'll say: No man! / But you can do the job / When you're in town".  You can do the job?  To me, this makes her sound like a tramp (or worse).  If she's hot, then I'll happily apply for the job, but long distance travel seems like too much of a hassle for just a booty call.

Lastly, I must address the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".  Seeing as how I'm going to be acting the part of jolly Saint Nick, I should get behind some of the lyrics to better portray the role.  "He sees you when your sleeping"...  Creepy.  "He knows when you're awake / He knows when you've been bad or good".  Uhm, "Stalker"?!?

I'll dial back the creepy stalker aspect of the role and play him as the happy jolly fat guy that Hollywood has made him for the last fifty some years.  It's what the kids know and love.  I've been walking about the house today, practicing the belly-jiggling laugh and the voice.  My cat, Monkey, is looking at me like I'm high, a little pissed at me, too, for not sharing whatever it was I smoked.  I'm not too worried.  Some have shown their support for my doing this.  I just hope I don't f*ck it all up and ruin the illusion of Santa Claus for them, like it was shattered for me when I was a little kid.

Here's to WISHING YOU ALL A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS....!!