Lava Soap

It was the movie "Pulp Fiction" that I had first heard of this product.  It was in the scene after Travolta accidentally shoots a guy in the back of their car and need to hide out at a nearby friend's house.  He and Samuel L. Jackson are in the bathroom washing all the blood and brain matter from themselves when Jackson discovers bloodied up towels, left by Travolta's character.  He'd apparently wet his hands, but failed to remove all the bloody material, thus transferring it to the formerly white towels.

"Didn't you wash your f'ing hands?" he asks Travolta's character, or something close to that, to which Travolta responds that he did, but inquires about lava soap when he's pressed to do a better job of cleansing his hands.

I was always unable to find this elusive lava soap until some time later, when I worked at a retail business who began selling the product.  I was stoked, believe you me.  I bought some and it was incredible.  The absolute best soap available anywhere.  No matter how dirty or greasy your hands might get, lava soap will cleans those buggers spic-n-span clean.  I don't know about the blood off ones hands, as I've never found myself an inconvenient situation like blowing Marvin's brains out the back of his skull in the backseat of my car...

The only drawback to this incredible product is, if you leave it in a pool of water, be it merely splashed moisture that has collected on the edge of the sink, it will "melt", in that it will reduce from a solid into a mushy mess.  Other than that, it's f*cking incredible.

Eventually though, for some reason, the store where I worked was discontinuing the sale of this soap, which is retarded, as nothing, and I do mean, nothing, compares to the capabilities of this soap.  So before the general public could pounce on the unbelievable sale price of the soap, I gathered up and stockpiled every last bar I could muster and purchased them all myself.

So here I am now.  Some years and three jobs later.  I still have my stockpile of lava soap and my job now presents me with dirtied hands when I come home.  I could wash them there, sure.  The pumice soap they have there is adequate, but it's citrus-based and often leave my hands itchy and scratchy, due to my allergy to citrus, I'm sure.  But I'd much rather come home and use my beloved lava soap.  I love this stuff that much.  It does a wonderful job and it smells pretty good, too.  My cat, on the other hand, has a difference of opinion.

I can't tell if he likes it or doesn't like it.  He will meow really really loud, following my departure from the bathroom.  I guess the scent is still in the air.  Then he follows me to wherever I'm lurking, and will be very affectionate, at first, then he begins to attack my hands.  I washed my hands before going to bed last night and he tackled me as I relaxed and was falling asleep.  It was crazy.  I thought he wanted to play.  We sometimes wrestle back and forth, but he was getting visibly frustrated.  He was huffing, as he does when he's mad and he was whipping his tail back and forth with purpose.  My hands today, especially my right hand is all scratched up.  I don't know what the effects of the soap are on fresh wounds, but I'm willing to take the good with the bad. 

Now if you'll excuse me, my cat is currently attempting to gnaw at me.  I think it's going to be necessary to go layeth the smacketh down on his rudy-poo candy-ass.  Oh.  It's on!  It's on like Donkey Kong!