Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Shitastrophe

Wednesday's have always been a questionable day for me.  Without trying, if I have a nasty day, prone with mishaps and bad luck.., not that people ever "try" to have a bad day.  However, whenever I've had a bad day, if you look to the calendar, you'd be best assured that it was Wednesday.

For instance, when I had that unfortunate incident with my [then] alcoholic father, where I had my nose broke among other scrapes, chips, and bruises...?  THAT was a Wednesday at 7pm.  Many of the job firings that I've experienced throughout my troubled past, always happened on a Wednesday.  The bad car accident when I was a kid, where I plowed my '74 Nova into a 1977 Ford Mustang II*, occurred on a Wednesday evening.  Even later on, when I had that real bad accident, where my car, seemingly, got sucked off the street and into a row of parked cars.  That happened during a nasty blizzard, which also fell on a Wednesday.
(*What the hell was Ford thinking when they designed the Mustang II??)

Most Wednesdays, though, are survivable.  A majority pass by without so much as a hiccup.  Therefore, you can't set your watch by my misfortune.  However, as stated above.  IF I am having a shit day, it's Wednesday.

One might presume that it'd be Monday that would be unlucky.  Coming back to work after a nice relaxing weekend, but this is not the case for me.  Whilst others are groggy and disheveled, I'm usually joyful and in fine fettle.  Being at work may not be my first choice of destinations, but I'm not harbouring and ill-will against it either.

Today, however, I suspected was going to be "one of those days", right from the get go.  It began when I woke up a 4:30am and was unable to fall back asleep until roughly five minutes before my alarm screeched loudly.  Not a real big issue, as this does happen on occasion and on any day of the week, although it's usually reserved for work days.  I'm sorta lucky that way, I suppose.  Next was when I went to leave for work.  I was finally leaving in a timely fashion, stoked that I might find a decent parking spot, for once, not too terribly far from the entrance at work.  However, when I pressed the button to raise my garage door, it wouldn't budge.  Instead, it just groaned at me, "Awwwwww?".

Almost five years I've lived in this house.  Almost five years where this situation has never presented itself.  It was unseasonably warm yesterday, hitting 4 or 5 degrees above zero (Celsius), so I knew there would be some melting, but I've never experienced my garage door freezing to the concrete driveway.  Never in a million years, would I have thought that would happen, but it did.  So I had to struggle with that for awhile, forcing me to be later than I wanted for work.  I managed to clock in with a measly five minutes to spare.

Next was one of the fella's being ill, and my having to fill his spot.  Not a big deal, as that seems to be my "unofficial position" nowadays.  Unfortunately, though, because I get moved around so frequently in this workplace, I tend not to retain much of the job requirements for each section and/or area, so I progress slower with the job and tend to upset many of those I'm trying to service.  I was not familiar with B___'s requirements, and to make matters worse, I had an "incident".

I drive a forklift.  A major setback, for me anyway, is obstacles in the way.  People will often illustrate what tasks they want done, but fail to move most of the debris and shit out of the way for me to performs these tasks in a timely fashion.  Today was no different.  I was instructed to bring some railings in from outside, but when I opened the big overhead door, there were two tuggers parked in the way.  (A tugger is a small electric-powered machine, designed to push or pull extremely heaving objects, much like a tug boat is a tiny vessel used to move giant ships into port.)  If these tuggers were parked in-line and off to one side, that would have been manageable.  Instead, they were parked side by side.  Not cool.  So rather than exercise good judgement and request that someone move the obstacle, I raised the railing up in an attempt to pass over the tugger.  Bad idea!

While I was careful to not clip the overhead door with the mast of my extended forks, I was not so lucky with the blower fan housing immediately after the door.  I clipped the corner of it, forcing it to swing hard into the overhead door, thus snapping both cables and leaving the door stuck, in an open position with a cold wind blowing in from the north.

I had to explain what happened to the area supervisor, then to my supervisor (multiple times), then to his supervisors (again, multiple times), and so on.  It seemed that as simple as the mishap was, very few were able to wrap their head around what had actually happened.  It was simple, I even left a small dent in the blower housing that could clearly be seen from the floor below.

I was expediently rushed to the Human Resources office where I was made to take several tests.  I had to blow into a breathalyzer, which came up 0.00% alcohol.  I doubt I'd have any alcohol left in my system from my birthday celebration back in 2011, which is the last time I got drunk.  Plus, who the f*ck gets drunk before work at 7am? (Although, this incident occurred a little more than two hours later, at 9:20am)  Next I had to swab my mouth -- top, bottom, left and right, as well as both sides of my tongue.  This was testing for drugs in my system.  Crystal meth, pot, cocaine, and a couple others I've never heard of.  I thought, "If I were on coke, that'd make me more alert, wouldn't it?"  I never had the balls to ask, plus I recognized this was a serious matter, and a jovial outlook would be frowned upon.  After two more swab attempts and about twenty minutes, I was cleared.  I hoped that they were going to send me home, but I guess they wanted to punish me, so they sent me back to work.  ((SH!T))

Just after lunch, I had some hard candy in my mouth, and like a retard, I crunched down and managed to crack one of my molars along with the lime-flavoured candy.  I guess that, right there, is the proverbial f*cking cherry on top of my shit sundae.  NOW, I find myself having to take tomorrow morning off, to get my tooth fixed.  Thankfully, it doesn't hurt.

Thankfully, I made it the rest of the afternoon, without any major incidents, although my day was riddled with small mishaps.  When the horn sounded marking the end of the day, I couldn't have breathed a bigger sigh of relief.  I drove straight home, parked in the garage, whose door opened without hesitation (phew), and with fingers crossed, my evening should be very relaxing.

Not long after I started at C.__.__., I had an unfortunate experience.  It was a chain reaction, much like today, but more extended.  I nudged a small box with the front tire of my lift.  That box moved into a cart, which bumped another cart, that swayed a large dry-erase message board, that was not secured to anything, which then swung downward, into the side of a computer station, and from there, gravity took over and the computer and (top heavy) monitor, came crashing down to the floor.  The whole matter took a couple minutes, as I had already driven off, oblivious to the domino effect that was tumbling about behind me.  That series of inconvenient events, my friends, happened on a motherf*cking Wednesday...!!!

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