My dad told me a joke when I was young. He asked "Why do you think it's so windy in Saskatchewan?" I thought for a moment and shrugged my shoulders. "Because Manitoba blows and Alberta sucks!" He smiled then we both shared a chuckle. I always thought it to be a play on words, as most residents of whatever city or province, always boasts there home territory to be superior to anywhere else. It wasn't until I was older and able to visit these other provinces, where I was able to learn that this simple joke was based more in reality than jest.
I've been to Manitoba only a hand full of times. It was winter every time and it was cold as f*ck. The folks were friendly, as their license plate caption implies, but god damn it was cold. It makes sense why the movie "White Out" filmed in Manitoba, doubling it for Antarctica. Friendliness aside, though, there was entirely too many french folks for my liking too. I'm not saying that all French folks are bad. I have a few friends who are of the French persuasion, and their alright. But in my past I've roomed with a French bloke and he was quite a bastard, hence my dislike for the people. How does that old saying go? It only takes one rotten apple to spoil the bunch?
Alberta, on the other hand... Oy! Where do I start? I had the "pleasure" (and I use that term loosely) of living in Edmonton for about six months of my younger life, and I regretted ever f*cking moment of that time. I lived in squalor, making next to no money, then had the misfortune of rooming with some really skeevy thieving motherf*ckers, which made the experience all the more worse. That was a number of years ago, but fast forward to more recent events and the province hasn't improved much at all. People are (seemingly) angry all over. I met a couple of decent and friendly folks, but two "good apples can't save a basket of rotten ones", I'm afraid.
As some may know I went to the wedding of two dear friends in British Columbia, a province I might add was a real pleasure to visit. Everyone was so freakin' nice there. If I had to choose any other province to live in, I'd seriously consider this one. Aside from the excessively high price of gasoline and the "scary-as-f*ck" taxi cab drivers, my experience in this place was exceptional.
My original plan was to fly out to Kelowna, British Columbia, then rent myself a sporty car, like a Camaro or Dodge Challenger, once I'd gotten there. However, I thought I'd take some time off from work and drive myself out, stopping at a couple of touristy locations along the way. My first stop was going to be in Drumheller, Alberta, the proclaimed Dinosaur Capital of the World, on account that such a variety of dinosaur bones were discovered in it's Red River beds in the early part of the 20th century. I got away from my home late on Wednesday, May 22nd and never got into Drumheller until about 5pm, just in time to discover that the tourist attraction in town was closing. "What the f*ck kind of tourist attraction, closes at 5 o'clock in the afternoon?" I thought rudely to myself.
I've been to Manitoba only a hand full of times. It was winter every time and it was cold as f*ck. The folks were friendly, as their license plate caption implies, but god damn it was cold. It makes sense why the movie "White Out" filmed in Manitoba, doubling it for Antarctica. Friendliness aside, though, there was entirely too many french folks for my liking too. I'm not saying that all French folks are bad. I have a few friends who are of the French persuasion, and their alright. But in my past I've roomed with a French bloke and he was quite a bastard, hence my dislike for the people. How does that old saying go? It only takes one rotten apple to spoil the bunch?
Alberta, on the other hand... Oy! Where do I start? I had the "pleasure" (and I use that term loosely) of living in Edmonton for about six months of my younger life, and I regretted ever f*cking moment of that time. I lived in squalor, making next to no money, then had the misfortune of rooming with some really skeevy thieving motherf*ckers, which made the experience all the more worse. That was a number of years ago, but fast forward to more recent events and the province hasn't improved much at all. People are (seemingly) angry all over. I met a couple of decent and friendly folks, but two "good apples can't save a basket of rotten ones", I'm afraid.
As some may know I went to the wedding of two dear friends in British Columbia, a province I might add was a real pleasure to visit. Everyone was so freakin' nice there. If I had to choose any other province to live in, I'd seriously consider this one. Aside from the excessively high price of gasoline and the "scary-as-f*ck" taxi cab drivers, my experience in this place was exceptional.
My original plan was to fly out to Kelowna, British Columbia, then rent myself a sporty car, like a Camaro or Dodge Challenger, once I'd gotten there. However, I thought I'd take some time off from work and drive myself out, stopping at a couple of touristy locations along the way. My first stop was going to be in Drumheller, Alberta, the proclaimed Dinosaur Capital of the World, on account that such a variety of dinosaur bones were discovered in it's Red River beds in the early part of the 20th century. I got away from my home late on Wednesday, May 22nd and never got into Drumheller until about 5pm, just in time to discover that the tourist attraction in town was closing. "What the f*ck kind of tourist attraction, closes at 5 o'clock in the afternoon?" I thought rudely to myself.
The next day I was treated poorly at the Tyrell Museum just outside Drumheller. I was mistreated and verbally assaulted at a Tim Horton's in Calgary. A woman flipped me the bird in Canmore, because I failed to wait forever for her to waddle her fat 400lb ass across the sidewalk. (That may have been my fault, but show some f*cking class.) I never was really shown any kindness in Alberta, except for the lady at the Fossil Gift Shop in Drumheller, who stayed open later for me to buy some stuff for my nephews. (She got a kick out of my story about the guy at my work who doesn't believe dinosaurs ever existed, but that unicorns did.) Some gay, or at least I think he was gay, kid at McDonald's who was just too happy to serve me, and a woman working at the Esso in Canmore. Everyone else, to my recollection, were kind o' douchie.
My stay in Kelowna rocked. The gas, I saw at one place, was as high as $1.53 per Liter, which blows, but I never filled up there. Everyone was super-nice. As I said, I'd live in British Columbia, if I had to live anywhere else in Canada, rather than Saskatchewan.
Sunday was the day I was to head back. I'd researched online and found a decent hotel to stay in Calgary. The plan was to drive to Calgary, stay the night, go to the zoo on Monday, then drive to Drumheller to use my free pass, then home. The TraveLodge in Calgary must've cleaned one room for the internet site, because the outside of the hotel looked shabby and I barely stepped into the lobby as the stink drove me back out to the parking lot. I checked the weather forecast for Monday, which called for thunder and lightning showers, and I said "F*ck it!", drove to Drumheller and used my free pass to the Royal Tyrell Dinosaur Museum, which I managed to check out in about an hour, and was unimpressed. I was always lead to believe that dinosaurs were SO FREAKIN' HUGE, but this didn't seem to be the case with the ones on display in this museum. The dinosaurs skeletons I saw there, weren't much bigger than maybe an elephant or hippo. The Tyrannosaurus Rex they had on display, looked like a punk-ass bitch. Big teeth, sure, but a bitch nonetheless.
I was so happy when I was able to get a hold of my mother, instructing her to bring my cat, Monkey, back to my house, as I was heading home at that moment. Five hours later, I was stepping into my wonderful house and hugging my beautiful little boy, Monkey. There's no place like home, indeed.
My stay in Kelowna rocked. The gas, I saw at one place, was as high as $1.53 per Liter, which blows, but I never filled up there. Everyone was super-nice. As I said, I'd live in British Columbia, if I had to live anywhere else in Canada, rather than Saskatchewan.
Sunday was the day I was to head back. I'd researched online and found a decent hotel to stay in Calgary. The plan was to drive to Calgary, stay the night, go to the zoo on Monday, then drive to Drumheller to use my free pass, then home. The TraveLodge in Calgary must've cleaned one room for the internet site, because the outside of the hotel looked shabby and I barely stepped into the lobby as the stink drove me back out to the parking lot. I checked the weather forecast for Monday, which called for thunder and lightning showers, and I said "F*ck it!", drove to Drumheller and used my free pass to the Royal Tyrell Dinosaur Museum, which I managed to check out in about an hour, and was unimpressed. I was always lead to believe that dinosaurs were SO FREAKIN' HUGE, but this didn't seem to be the case with the ones on display in this museum. The dinosaurs skeletons I saw there, weren't much bigger than maybe an elephant or hippo. The Tyrannosaurus Rex they had on display, looked like a punk-ass bitch. Big teeth, sure, but a bitch nonetheless.
I was so happy when I was able to get a hold of my mother, instructing her to bring my cat, Monkey, back to my house, as I was heading home at that moment. Five hours later, I was stepping into my wonderful house and hugging my beautiful little boy, Monkey. There's no place like home, indeed.
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