The Unicorn Guy

The Irish Rovers are a musical group, who formed in 1963 and although their members mostly hail from Ireland, they are considered a Canadian talent, who have represented our fair country at five World's Fairs.  They have many a popular song throughout the decades, including the hits "Puff The Magic Dragon" and "Wasn't That A Party".  What are their relevance to this blog, you're probably wondering?  Keep reading, as I'll be more than happy to connect the dots for you.

Quite often, while I eat my lunch at work, I keep quiet, opting to listen to everyone else's chatter.  Most times, they speak of their private lives, of which I know nothing about.  However, sometimes the subject matter is so ridiculous, that I can't help but chime in or snicker at the goofiness of it all. 

Today was just one of those silly days.  I don't know what lead up to the subject, but someone muttered about horse flies.  They joked about the small insect actually resembling a horse, but with wings.  They all chuckled at the absurdity.  Then the woman, H______ asked, "I've heard of Horse Fish, but they're not real, are they?"

"You mean, Sea Horses?" I asked.

"Yeah.  Sea Horses aren't real are they?"

"Sea Horses ARE real," I reassured, adding, "It's Sea Unicorns that are make believe."

That's when their conversation really took a sharp left.  The sole male at the table remarked, "Yeah, I'm fairly certain that Unicorns were real.  They don't exist anymore, but I'm pretty sure they did."

I couldn't believe my ears.  Did this guy, just claim that the mythical creature, the unicorn, actually lived at some point in the history of the world?

"No." said another, seated at the table, "Unicorns were never real."

"Finally," I thought to myself, "Someone with a lick of intelligence."

"I think you're wrong," he said, "The Irish Rovers sang a song, The Unicorn, so they must be real."

My jaw dropped, nearly slamming my lunch into the table.  "By that logic," I interjected, "Because the Irish Rovers sang a song about Grandma being hit by a reindeer on Christmas Eve, then Santa Clause must be real, too!"

His table (and mine) laughed at the absurd remark, while R____, aka Unicorn Guy, just smiled, realizing he'd just been bested.  Then adding insult to injury, he laid another ridiculous claim.  "Now dinosaurs, I doubt ever existed.  I can't prove that they didn't, but no scientist can convince me that they did."

Wh-wh-wh-whaaat?!?

"They say that they can test their bones and prove that they existed 65,000 years ago..."

"Sixty-five MILLION..." someone said, correcting him.

"Okay.  Sixty-five million years ago.  How can they say it was sixty-five million years ago, if no one was alive then..?"

So B___, the voice of reason at the table, explained the process of carbon testing.  She is very soft-spoken and I couldn't make out most of what she'd said, if anything at all, but of the bits and pieces I did hear, it sounded logical, but R_____, Unicorn Guy, wouldn't have any of it.  "Nope.  The Earth wasn't here 65,000,000 years ago.  I don't believe it for one second."

"Like I said, I can't prove that dinosaurs never existed, just as scientists can't prove to me that they did, but one thing is for sure.  I know that unicorns were real." the man deposed.

In the end, he wouldn't budge on his beliefs.  Dinosaurs are make believe and unicorns were f*cking real, in his universe.  Also the world isn't millions of years old, but only came into existence when mankind arrived.

I can't believe that there are people like this in the world.  Frickin' moronic people like this in the world.  R____ is a likable enough fella, but wow...

In the end, I can't really fault the guy for sticking by his beliefs.  As goofy as they are, they're no worse than the fact that millions of people in the world believe in an invisible man who lives in the clouds, who sees our every move and choices and helps guide us all by listening to your wishful prayers... 

Give me a break!!!