If I may, I'd like to move aside and address a subject of a more serious note. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what else to do. I've tried to be reasonable, but these little monsters can't be reasoned with and I'm slowly beginning to lose my f*cking mind.
As some may know, after nearly a year of unemployment, the only job that I was able to procure was that of a school bus driver. At the time, I had just about as many naysayers as I had support in my decision to accept this vocation. Oddly (to most normal people, but not to myself) it was my immediate family who told me I never had the temperament for the position. That I would lose my cool with the children and go off like some kind of madman. Screaming and swearing like a lunatic sailor. I know myself better than 99.9999% of everyone around me and I can say with all certainty, this would never happen, nor will it. I will admit, however, that there have been incidents.., in the past..., where, YES, I went off on a deserving individual. Case and point, that fellow a few years ago who disrespected Remembrance Day, saying it was a scam because poppies are a major contributor to the narcotic known the world over as, Heroin. I lost it on the motherf*cker and I'd do it again, if needed be. With the children, on the other hand, never. No matter how f*cking stupid some of their antics are, I wouldn't do that.
Growing up, I was submersed in an environment that provided very little by way of emotional support. Any dream I had, was quickly dashed as being unrealistic or impossible for someone like me to achieve. (Thanks mom & dad.) I'm not making excuses for my limitations in this life, but merely making an example of how I didn't want to be towards the next generation of children. Whether they be mine, nieces and nephews or anyone's children. One of the worst things anyone can bear witness to is seeing the light of hope and wonderment fade from a child's eye. I've seen dreams dissolve in the mirror on more than one occasion in my lifetime.
As some may know, after nearly a year of unemployment, the only job that I was able to procure was that of a school bus driver. At the time, I had just about as many naysayers as I had support in my decision to accept this vocation. Oddly (to most normal people, but not to myself) it was my immediate family who told me I never had the temperament for the position. That I would lose my cool with the children and go off like some kind of madman. Screaming and swearing like a lunatic sailor. I know myself better than 99.9999% of everyone around me and I can say with all certainty, this would never happen, nor will it. I will admit, however, that there have been incidents.., in the past..., where, YES, I went off on a deserving individual. Case and point, that fellow a few years ago who disrespected Remembrance Day, saying it was a scam because poppies are a major contributor to the narcotic known the world over as, Heroin. I lost it on the motherf*cker and I'd do it again, if needed be. With the children, on the other hand, never. No matter how f*cking stupid some of their antics are, I wouldn't do that.
Growing up, I was submersed in an environment that provided very little by way of emotional support. Any dream I had, was quickly dashed as being unrealistic or impossible for someone like me to achieve. (Thanks mom & dad.) I'm not making excuses for my limitations in this life, but merely making an example of how I didn't want to be towards the next generation of children. Whether they be mine, nieces and nephews or anyone's children. One of the worst things anyone can bear witness to is seeing the light of hope and wonderment fade from a child's eye. I've seen dreams dissolve in the mirror on more than one occasion in my lifetime.
Driving a school bus is fairly stressful. It's not the fifty or sixty kids that ride, but the fact that I'm driving something as large as some small bungalows down the street. From about six months to about the age six years old, my family (mom, dad, sister & I) lived in a small mobile home. That trailer was about the same size as the school bus that I currently drive. Couple that with the strains of asshole drivers who constantly cut me off, flip me the bird and just plain drive erratically around me, there's a lot to keep my concentration. I have seven mirrors in addition to the front windshield, which the instruction manual indicates I cannot maintain a gaze of more than a couple of seconds. Add in the commotion of fifty or sixty kids (sometimes more) and you have the ingredients for a catastrophe. I, somehow, manage. As stressful as all that is, I find it fairly easy to do. What I find waning on my sanity, is the.... I don't even know how to describe it, other than to label it for exactly what it is. Stupidity bullshit!!!
It's narrowed down to about three or four boys. All the girls on the bus, know how to behave. They break the rules by eating, which is strictly not allowed, but as many times as I've explained why they can't do it, they all know my stand on the subject which is simply: IF YOU CHOKE AND DIE, IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!! Of course, we all know that if someone is to choke and die, it's DEFINITELY going to be my problem, but they don't need to know that. The boys on the other hand... Driving me f*cking insane!!
Some days, there's one or two who like to talk about their "little boy parts", which I've explained is unacceptable, but that goes in one ear and out the other. There's been talk of pooping on one another or throwing said poop at people, mainly girls. Or what I find to be the most intolerable, the plain nonsensical noises.
Tonight, I had to deal with fog, icy roads, asshole drivers, an overheating bus and six children screaming at the top of their lungs, the words "bub, bub, bub"!! Repeatedly, for eighty percent of the run, "bub, bub, bub". If it were in unison, it'd almost be tolerable, but it was like a war. One kid would shout out the name of another, repeatedly until the kid would answer, "What?!"
It's narrowed down to about three or four boys. All the girls on the bus, know how to behave. They break the rules by eating, which is strictly not allowed, but as many times as I've explained why they can't do it, they all know my stand on the subject which is simply: IF YOU CHOKE AND DIE, IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!! Of course, we all know that if someone is to choke and die, it's DEFINITELY going to be my problem, but they don't need to know that. The boys on the other hand... Driving me f*cking insane!!
Some days, there's one or two who like to talk about their "little boy parts", which I've explained is unacceptable, but that goes in one ear and out the other. There's been talk of pooping on one another or throwing said poop at people, mainly girls. Or what I find to be the most intolerable, the plain nonsensical noises.
Tonight, I had to deal with fog, icy roads, asshole drivers, an overheating bus and six children screaming at the top of their lungs, the words "bub, bub, bub"!! Repeatedly, for eighty percent of the run, "bub, bub, bub". If it were in unison, it'd almost be tolerable, but it was like a war. One kid would shout out the name of another, repeatedly until the kid would answer, "What?!"
"Bub, bub, bub, bub, bub, bub...!!!"
"Quiet down!" I'd say sternly. There'd be a short reprieve, then "Hey H_____! Bub, bub, bub, bub, bub...!!" .....Well God damn!! Seconds later, they'd all chime in, once again, the insanity returning li like an overpowering avalanche of noise and destruction.
Before letting them off at their stop, I spoke with the culprits, sternly explaining that the bus is not a playground. That the foolishness that they do on the playground cannot be played out on the bus. That their excessive noise is very distracting and could cause us to have an accident. As I looked at the silent group staring back at me I knew my words really hit home... Literally. They went in one ear and out the other, echoing off the walls of the bus. Boys can be so God damned stupid, sometimes.
"Quiet down!" I'd say sternly. There'd be a short reprieve, then "Hey H_____! Bub, bub, bub, bub, bub...!!" .....Well God damn!! Seconds later, they'd all chime in, once again, the insanity returning li like an overpowering avalanche of noise and destruction.
Before letting them off at their stop, I spoke with the culprits, sternly explaining that the bus is not a playground. That the foolishness that they do on the playground cannot be played out on the bus. That their excessive noise is very distracting and could cause us to have an accident. As I looked at the silent group staring back at me I knew my words really hit home... Literally. They went in one ear and out the other, echoing off the walls of the bus. Boys can be so God damned stupid, sometimes.
I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what else to do. After dropping the kids at their last stop, I was steaming. I was so frustrated with the entire scenario that it finally gave me that kick in the pants that I needed. I know what I need to do now. The answers are so clear. Like a crystal hanging in the sunlight, it's light appearing so vividly in all it's colourful splendor. This insanity is the motivation I need to commit to writing the exams to get those other licenses that I need to get out of this whole school bus driving bullshit. I like most of the kids. I really do. Most of them are great. It's just the two or three that are pissing me off enough to make me wanna leave. I'm going to write those tests next week. Wish me luck!!
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