Wednesday, February 24, 2016

First Name Basis

Like the late Art Linkletter used to say on his program, "Kids say the darndest things."  It's as true today as it was when his version hit the airwaves in the forties and fifties, the only difference being that today's children are a little more educated.  Or at least, they believe they are.

There's a number of children who ride the school bus that seem to speak a lot about toilets, poop and their "male appendages".  One boy, in particular, I've had to warn a number of times, explaining that it was inappropriate to talk about such content in the presence of little girls.  "A good boy," I said, "Wouldn't do that."

To tell the truth, I'm so out of the loop when it comes to kids, nowadays.  They're a far cry from when I was their age.  I want to say it's bad parenting, but in truth, it's probably something in the water that makes them this way.  When I was a little boy getting on the bus, I'd find a seat and sit quietly until we arrived at school.  Today, the kids are hyper as f*ck, and can barely sit still when the climb aboard.  It's crazy, I tell ya.  Crazy.

For the most part, I ignore it, recalling a helpful reminder a friend told me years ago in reference to circumstances beyond our control.  It is what it is.  Five simple single-syllable words that I've valued in the five-plus years since hearing it.  So much so, that I once almost got it tattooed to the palm of my hand.  That way, I could look at it during stressful situations involving stupidity.  A last reminder before slapping my forehead with frustration.  The craziness displayed by the kids, is the same.  Nothing I say or do, will deter them from acting like wild monkeys.  It's not all of them, thankfully, but just enough to drive a man to drink.  But, there's a paycheck in it for me to endure the insanity.  Less than minimum wage, mind you, but in a job market that has very little to offer, it's what I'm stuck with for now...  It is what it is...

This morning presented a break from the constant chirping, hooting and howling that the boys in the front two seats make.  At first I was thankful.  A few fleeting seconds to regain whatever sanity I had left.  That's when I overheard someone singing a song.  It went with the tune of the Oscar Mayer wiener commercial.  You know the one, "My wiener has a first name. It's O-S-C-A-R..," only this one's lyrics were drastically changed.  I only heard a couple verses before I kiboshed it.

"My penis has a first name, it's P-E-N-I-S.  And it makes me laugh when it wears a funny dress."

While it is catchy enough to tap your toe to, I doubt it's a real song.  However, if this kid thought this up on his own, he may have a future writing dirty limericks.  Still, highly inappropriate for a five year old boy to sing in mixed company.

I don't like to squash the laughter and fun that these kids have.  Some of my fondest memories of school was the ride home on the school bus.  Back then, however, we never spoke of such things.  I don't know what to do with these kids.  Grin and bear it, I suppose.  Treat this job like every other job I've ever had that I grew to resent.  Count the hours until the next weekend or day off.  After all, in those inspirational words of my friend: It is what it is...



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