If Stupidity is a Handicap, Then We Are Doomed!

While awaiting my turn in line at the Wal-Mart, a young mother was unloading her cart in front of me.  Accompanying her was a small child and another who was visibly older.  The eldest child was fidgety, picking at the magazines and candy in the impulse lane, finally setting her attention on a cold bottle of Coca-Cola in a nearby cooler.  "Mom." she said, trying to engage her mother.  "Mom!!  Can I have?"

The pencil-thin young woman turned to her daughter, allowing me the first real look at her.  She was a frail thing, who didn't look very old.  The eldest daughter was clearly over the age of ten, possibly entering her teens, so I speculate that she was a teen mom.  Her frame was petite as were her facial features.  The only prominence that this woman had, were a small cluster of stars tattooed over her left eye.  They appeared to be fairly fresh, although, there wasn't any redness or swelling accompanying them.

"NO!!" the young mother said sternly, shaking her finger, "You need to learn to spend your money more responsibly.  Don't waste it on frivolous things."

I smirked at what she had said.  Not that saving your money for smarter purchases is a preposterous notion, but that such sage advice would come from a person who had recently wasted money on getting stars of varying sizes tattooed on her face.

I thought nothing of it, beyond that.  I paid for my goods and ventured outside, where I met up with the able-bodied family once more.  This time they were climbing into a shitty little red Chevy Cavalier, parked in the handicapped spot nearest the door.  It is sights like this that bother me.  If you're not physically incapable of walking a few extra meters, then you shouldn't be taking up those spots.  It doesn't matter if you have the handicapped placard in your window.  If the handicapped person is not with you, don't f*cking park in the spot, because the last time I checked, stupidity wasn't considered a handicap.

Better Than Sex

Yep!  You read that title correctly.  The feeling may not exist every time, but when it's done right, a good hearty burp can feel better than sex anywhere on the planet.  My belch of preference is that which accompanies a nice swig of ice cold Coca-Cola.  There's nothing like it.  Sometimes, if the belch erupts immediately following a big sip, I can still feel the bubbles of carbonation tickling my throat.  I swear it's as satisfying as hearing a baby's first laugh or receiving a warm embrace.  I love it!!

Granted, maybe I'm doing something wrong, if I feel that burping is better than fornication, but I think I have the basic mechanics of it down pat.  It's not something I have an opportunity to do very often, unlike drinking carbonated beverages, but as memory serves, the investment into the sexual act, far outweighs the pay off.  I can't speak for my female counterparts, but I'd imagine they would agree.  All the snorting, grunting, sweating and what have ya, barely covers that final UGH!  Where as, I can sit down drink back a one-plus litre of Vanilla or Cherry Coke and become completely fulfilled for the mere cost of a couple of bucks.

Am I going to pay the price for this admission?  Perhaps, but truth be told, there's not a lot of dogs barking up this tree and I doubt there's going to be anyone coming a knocking at my door to try and prove me otherwise..  Granted, I've had quite a dry spell in the romance department, partially due, I'm almost certain, to my affinity for carbonated beverages, but I'm sure a shitty attitude may be a contributing factor,  However, no matter my outlook at the time, a tasty bottle of root beer isn't going to judge me based on attitude.

To all the lovely ladies reading these words, who've blessed me with the gift of coitus, once upon a time, I thank you and I assure that you've done nothing wrong.  Although, I'm sure you're looking back now with some reservation and disdain.  I enjoyed the time we spent together.  It was fun while it lasted, but to use that old phrase, "It's not you, it's me."

Inspired by T-Dub
(You know who you are...)