Prank'd

 

In television and movies, the go to prank for the autumn season, venturing closer to Old Hallows Eve, is toilet papering or TPing a house, or more grotesquely, egging someone's house.  Their both terrible pranks, the latter being the worse of the two, and something that I've never partook in.  Frankly, I doubt I possess the dexterity to accurately throw a full roll of toilet paper over a tree or someone's roof.  The opportunity for such delinquency has never arose, nor would I partake in it, given I don't exactly understand the whole point of the prank.

So..., we spend our own money on expensive toilet paper to throw onto someone else's house and/or into their trees?  No thanks.  There's no logic in that.  I failed to see the logic back then, when I was a kid, just witnessing this stupid shit on TV or hearing wild tales from friends.  Very illogical, to quote Mr. Spock, until today.

Today, August 27th, 2923, I drove past a house that already had Christmas decorations set out on their front lawn.  Nothing subtle, either, but rather, giant blown up figures donning scarves, toques and mittens.  Yesterday, I drove by a house that was in the process of filling their front yard with Halloween decorations.  It was both of these times that I realized: These people need to have their houses egged.

A couple of weeks before the holiday is one thing.  A couple of months ahead, is ridiculous.  If a home owner wishes to take advantage of the amazing weather we will be experiencing over the coming couple of weeks, to climb a ladder and hook up their Christmas lights, that's acceptable.  Doing that shit in the winter..., ya may as well sign your own death warrant, but doing that now, is okay.  Just don't keep the lights on past the testing phase or, you too, will be added to the list of those who deserve to get pranked by idiotic kids.

Buy all the holiday decorations that you want now, if the price is right, but wait until the appropriate times, people.  Don't be an asshole.  Nobody likes an asshole.  And if you choose not to abide by these words, don't be calling the authorities when you get your house egged.  Don't call because you deserve the punishment you get.

Mumbo Jumbo

Went out with a friend today.  The day started out nice, visiting one of the new Halloween stores in town.  My feet have been hurting a lot, as of late, with the cooler weather, but the warm temperatures today proved worthwhile for this outing.

We trekked around looking at this and that, before moving on to our next destination where we did some grocery shopping.  Her for her household, me for mine.  Then we had a quick lunch right there.

In an effort to eat up as much time before going to pick up her boyfriend from work, we visited a couple more destinations, looking for Halloween stuff that she could incorporate into a costume.  She's very creative and sometimes likes to bounce ideas off of me.  I don't mind as I like the creative aspect without any of the follow-up of having to do the work.  It's like taking pride in the finished product without having any of the headaches or callouses of putting the piece together.

As well as I was feeling in the beginning of our adventure, the time on my feet was beginning to take it's toll on me.  I eventually found myself limping a little, as my feet began to swell.  My midsection was beginning to hurt some, as I'd had surgery a couple of weeks ago and I'm still having some issues with that healing process.  Most annoyingly, I began to get a headache.

I tend to get a lot of headaches, come autumn, and they only grow more frequent and intense as the winter months engulf us.  This particular headache I could feel mustering behind my eyeball.  These ones tend to get real bad, real quick.  But I didn't want to say anything, because my friend was having a good time and I didn't wish to spoil her outing.  I never mentioned anything until we began our journey homeward.

"I would offer you something, if I had anything." she said, to which I told her it was okay.  I explained that I had the same Ibuprofen that she had in her trunk, a purchase she'd made earlier in the day.  "I'll simply take four or five of them, when I get home.... With a shot of bourbon!"

She was shocked, immediately warning me off of such a terrible action, citing that booze and medication should never be mixed.  "Bah!" I said, "That's just nonsense."

She went on to tell me that I should never mix alcohol with medication, to which I gave her my explanation and to tell the truth, while I was just blowing smoke out my ass, the logic is present and I think I may actually believe my own hype...

"That's just big pharmaceutical who warns against mixing medication with alcohol.  You never see alcohol companies warning 'Don't drink this with pain meds'."   I paused for a moment, thinking about the words that just spilled from my mouth and yeah...  No alcohol companies say that.  So I have to believe that it's like the marijuana thing, where the booze companies launched negative campaigns to render cannabis as an illicit "drug", so too are big pharmaceutical companies making similar claims against alcohol, exemplifying that it can't fix any of the problems that medication can. (Which makes a person curious as to why they speak against the positives of marijuana.)

"Besides," I added, "The alcohol just gives it that extra -- Ba-BAAMM!!  The Ibuprofen works fine, but the bourbon acts as a turbo boost!  Thrusts it into your system so much quicker."

Big pharmaceutical claims that medication should not be mixed with alcohol, but they make the same claim that shit should be taken with food and despite not following those instructions, I've never been affected negatively in that way, either.  It's a lot of hooey.  Verbal mumbo jumbo meant to put fear into people so they have to rely more heavily on their meds.  Unless you're a raging alcoholic, then I say there's no harm in pouring yourself a nice stiff drink to chase down the pain meds.  It'll fix whatever ails you.

CHEERS!!

Happy Halloween, Kids

Unfortunately, this seems to be the case.  Superheroes and cowboys for the boys and "slutty whatever's" for the girls.

A few years ago, a some work friends and I went for some refreshing beverages after our work day, at a local drinking establishment.  It also happened to be Halloween, and as memory serves, the bar had soon filled with a bevy of women, wearing a menagerie of costumes, most of which were of the "slutty persuasion".  It was wall-to-wall eye candy, and what had initially started as a couple of drinks after work, soon extended itself to many many drinks after work.  There were slutty nurses, slutty vampires, slutty bunnies, and a cornucopia of slutty cats.  It was a very nice night, visually.

However, this slutty costumes, I have found, have been gradually spilling over into children's and teenage costumes.  This past weekend, as I was cycling through my bundles of flyers, I came across one ad for savings on Halloween costumes for kids.  Pictured above the (albeit reasonable) price, was a picture of two teen girls, one dressed as a provocative witch, the other as a provocative cat.  Both I determined was inappropriate for the targeted age.  I'm all for freedom of self-expression.  I, myself, had many a questionable Halloween costume as a teen, that I am not proud of, but none of those were purchased from a store.

It's sad that kids, girls more specifically, are being steered in this direction.  The only true saving grace is the fact that in this vicinity, 99% of the time, there is snow on the ground on October 31st and the temperature is so low, that a parka is mandatory to wear over the Halloween costume in question.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

The children have another day of preparation, donning their multi-colored outfits of princesses, gargoyles, twinky vampires, or superheros. My nephew, this year, is going to be one of the knights of the infamous round table, but not Sir Lancelot, because Lancelot was a douche-bag. (My sentiment, NOT my nephew's.)

Gone, however, are the opportunities for office workers and alike to wear their costumes, until next year. I believe so, anyway. It's been so long since I've worked in an atmosphere that allowed displays of Halloween folklore. There was a Subway where the owner, a fairly attractive cougar, had all of her (also attractive) female employees dress up in a menagerie of sexy-looking nurses, maid, and cops. Mmm. Sexy cop. I worked at a place a few years ago, where one of the girls dressed like a sexy cop. That image emblazoned on the inside of my brain. I may be hit with Alzheimer's one day and I may forget who all my friends and family are, but I believe I will always recall S_____ dressed as the sexy cop!

That's one of the reasons I love Halloween so much. I completely admit to that. I like the idea of dressing up in costume, but have never been real successful at it. Either that or never had the budget to do it write. But I love Halloween for the sexy garb. It's like that line from the movie "Mean Girls". Halloween, the one day a year a girl can dress like a total sl*t! I agree whole-heartedly.

God bless those young women. I suppose older women can do it too, but that's just shameful. Most times it's like seeing an animal suffering by the side of the road. You just want to put it out of it's misery. Too mean, ya think? Trust me! If you seen me in sexy garb, you'd want to put me out of my misery, too. If not for any other reason than, I've clearly lost my f*cking mind!

I love the sexy costumes. Sadly, another year has passed and thus, another opportunity to ogle the girls from afar. Not all is lost, though. Perhaps for lunch tomorrow, I may happen by a familiar Subway for a sandwich. If I'm lucky.... Some more happy memories for when I'm old and drooling in the old-folks home....