God's Gift To Women

I stopped off at the grocery store after work to pick up some milk and a treat for tomorrow's barbecue at work.  I strode into the grocery store, like I've done a thousand times before, only this time was a little different.  Instead of being virtually invisible to the people around me, today seemed different.  People, especially the females, were looking at me a little differently.  Some with looks of approval, while others just seemed to stare.  A couple women, I actually caught checking me out.  "My eyes are up here!" I thought to myself, a slight smirk wiping across my face.  I don't know what was different today, than any other day, but I kind of liked the extra attention.

I wasn't feeling real great all day long, feeling lethargic and without much energy.  So my walking style into the store, to my knowledge, wasn't one of purpose or determination.  I slunk more than I walked, actually, but whatever my method, it really seemed to be making an impact on the members of the opposite sex.  "Spring is in the air." I thought.  

I made my way through the mart, gathering up the groceries I wanted and made my way back to my car.  As I placed the items in my trunk, a gust of wind rushed past me, and for the first time, I felt a breeze on my "nether regions".

"Aw, God damn it!" I loudly said to myself, "My fly is open!"

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

The children have another day of preparation, donning their multi-colored outfits of princesses, gargoyles, twinky vampires, or superheros. My nephew, this year, is going to be one of the knights of the infamous round table, but not Sir Lancelot, because Lancelot was a douche-bag. (My sentiment, NOT my nephew's.)

Gone, however, are the opportunities for office workers and alike to wear their costumes, until next year. I believe so, anyway. It's been so long since I've worked in an atmosphere that allowed displays of Halloween folklore. There was a Subway where the owner, a fairly attractive cougar, had all of her (also attractive) female employees dress up in a menagerie of sexy-looking nurses, maid, and cops. Mmm. Sexy cop. I worked at a place a few years ago, where one of the girls dressed like a sexy cop. That image emblazoned on the inside of my brain. I may be hit with Alzheimer's one day and I may forget who all my friends and family are, but I believe I will always recall S_____ dressed as the sexy cop!

That's one of the reasons I love Halloween so much. I completely admit to that. I like the idea of dressing up in costume, but have never been real successful at it. Either that or never had the budget to do it write. But I love Halloween for the sexy garb. It's like that line from the movie "Mean Girls". Halloween, the one day a year a girl can dress like a total sl*t! I agree whole-heartedly.

God bless those young women. I suppose older women can do it too, but that's just shameful. Most times it's like seeing an animal suffering by the side of the road. You just want to put it out of it's misery. Too mean, ya think? Trust me! If you seen me in sexy garb, you'd want to put me out of my misery, too. If not for any other reason than, I've clearly lost my f*cking mind!

I love the sexy costumes. Sadly, another year has passed and thus, another opportunity to ogle the girls from afar. Not all is lost, though. Perhaps for lunch tomorrow, I may happen by a familiar Subway for a sandwich. If I'm lucky.... Some more happy memories for when I'm old and drooling in the old-folks home....