Hammer Thumb

People are always criticizing poor Megan Fox about her thumbs. Hammer thumbs, they call them and while they are quite unattractive, they shouldn't discount the fact that she is one of the hottest women on the planet.  The bullying comments, of course, usually made by people who would never stand a chance with the Hollywood starlet, even if she weren't already married with children.

That's not what this entry is about, though.  The subject matter refers to Hammer vs Thumb and no!  It's not a wrestling match set for this year's Wrestlemania.  When I turned the television on this afternoon, there was a home improvement type show ending.  Hometime has been on TV for a number of years, it's host, Dean Johnson always at the helm offering sound advice for any potential Do-It-Yourself'er.  I've not seen the program in years, but I recall that Johnson's co-host was a woman named 'Robin', whom I assumed was his wife, given their onscreen chemistry.  So this morning as Johnson and his co-host, also named 'Johnson' (Miriam), a much much younger individual, I immediately thought, "Dean you old dog!  You traded up!"  Apparently, Johnson is an extremely popular name, as she is not his young wife nor is she even related to him.

I've always been a fan of these home improvement style shows, even though I lack the confidence to tackle any job myself.  Hell, I had my best friend change the inner guts of my toilet for me earlier this week.  I did tackle changing a light fixture when I was remodeling my condominium nearly a decade ago, and nearly electrocuted myself in the process.  Granted, it's extremely difficult to electrocute one's self changing the flapper in a toilet, but if there's a will, there's a way.

I faithfully watch all kinds of home improvement programs, but lost sight of Hometime quite a few years ago due to it's constant jumping around channels and time scheduling.  What I do recall, most blatantly, of this particular show, was a mishap that host Dean Johnson had.

I'm certain that accidents happen on the job all the time.  Especially with a camera crew trampling about, distraction has to be a definite constant.  However, with most injury, the camera rarely captures the accident, or at the very least, human reaction is left on the cutting room floor, but on this occasion, it was included in the show.  I speculate that Johnson's arrogant attitude was a contributing factor in producers choosing to include his angry outburst following his clobbering his thumb with his hammer.

Looking at the camera and explaining his method, he lost concentration for a split second, catching his thumb between the plain and his swinging hammer.  He screamed in pain and unleashed a barrage of swears, angrily throwing his hammer across the work site.  He held his throbbing thumb with his free hand as camera followed him wandering about looking for first aid, barely stopping his cursing and swearing long enough to catch his breath.  That episode of Hometime included nearly everything  in that aftermath.

I don't recall much of anything regarding that episode and if memory serves, it wasn't long after that that the show became more and more difficult to locate.  Obviously, shit worked out for him.  As far as I could tell, today, he still has to opposable thumbs... and a hot little sidekick.  Miriam Johnson is in no way nearly as hot as Megan Fox, but I guess she has normal thumbs.  As for Megan Fox and her 'hammer thumbs', they're not an issue as far as I'm concerned.  If any of us schlubs ever had a chance with the sexy actress, I'm sure we could convince her to wear gloves, but why bother?  I mean, look at this chick!!  Just look at her!! HOT!

Century Drinking Club

I've been thinking a lot about drinking games, lately.  I'm not a big drinker, unless you consider my belligerence on my birthday, but that's only once a year (if that).  Still, on the rare occasions that I choose to get inebriated, believe it'd be more interesting, and garner more stories, if the process is achieved via a drinking game.

I'd like to create a game via trivia.  Movie trivia, more specifically, although I am guilty of having a mind full of useless entertainment knowledge, so intoxication would be more elusive for me, but those around me, would most likely get really f*cked up.

I did partake in a drinking game created by a friend, once upon a time, that involved a Disney movie.  I can't remember which one, probably because I got right-f*cked-up, but it was a cartoon, and one of the rules was taking a shot every time one of the characters said the word "Llama".  I wanna say "Emperor's New Groove", but that sounds like a Broadway musical...

It's a morbid thought, but if you watched Wrestlemania One or Two, and took a shot of whisky or your drink of choice, every time a deceased wrestler competes in a match, you could quite possibly pass out before the conclusion of the event.  Haven't tried that one, yet, but it's in the books, I think...  Provided I could ever find Wrestlemania on DVD form, not VHS.

Years ago, I participated in a drinking game that I thought was called the Centurion Game, but I've since learned that it's called the Century Club.  The premise of the game is simple.  Huddled around a clock, participants take one shot of beer, every minute for one hundred minutes.

Now when I played it, I couldn't drink beer, on account of having an allergy.  Yes!  I'm allergic to beer.  So instead, I substituted wine coolers, whose alcohol content is higher than that of beer.., and for you American readers, I'm talking about Canadian beer, that is already higher than American beer.  I don't know about wine coolers, but I believe the alcohol content is higher than run-of-the-mill beer.

Adding insult to injury, there were only a limited number of shot glasses, so I was forced to use a regular glass, so I was estimating an ounce at the start of the game.  About thirty minutes into the game, and thirty "shots" later, I was pouring half glasses and chugging them every sixty seconds.  About sixty minutes in, I was still hanging with the other participants, who were all using shot glasses, slamming back single ounces of beer to my every half-to-three quarter glasses of cooler.

By minute 87, I'd hit my limit, rising up from the table, walking out the front door and passing out in the nice cool grass.  I was accused of barfing, but with great pride, I can honestly say I did not. Later I was given an "honorary completion", as it was recognized that in my inebriated state, my judgement was skewed in pouring my own drinks.  I think in retrospect, I probably drank much more than 100 ounces of booze, despite it being wine cooler.

One drinking game I've been wanting to create, lately, is based on the Bert Kreischer podcast.  I've been listening to his Bertcast from Episode One.  I'm currently listening to Episode #49 as I type out this blog.  Ironically, this episode is based on drinking games, hence my inspiration.

Bert often broadcasts from his mancave (most of the time), often telling stories about his life on the road performing comedy over the years.  Bert also hosts a television show on the Travel Channel, that he speaks highly of.  Bert is a very infectious personality and a joy to listen to.  In his show, he does tend to repeat a few key words and expressions that I would consider prime keys for a drinking game.  One element I probably wouldn't include is Bert's incredibly infectious laughter, as it's difficult to suck back a shot when you're laughing your ass off, too.

Creating games aren't as easy as one would think.  I've had a thought for an actual board game for a f*ck of a long time, but haven't really put pencil-to-paper... so to speak.  If I had a drink for every idea I've ever come up with..., I'd be a f*ckin' lush...  CHEERS!