Does Mom Chew Your Food?

An advertisement played on the radio this afternoon.  The local soccer association is trying to drum up interest in kids joining a soccer league.  The announcer in the ad spoke of professionals who will teach your kids on how to play soccer.  I thought to myself, "Jeez.  How stupid are your kids that they can't figure out how soccer is played?  Does your mom chew your food for you, too?" 😂 

Here's a ball.  There's a field.  Now run and kick that spotted ball that way (👉 indicate which end of the field is the opponents goal.)  Kick the ball into that obnoxiously oversized goal.  Repeat.  "You can touch the ball however you like, just not with your hands.  You can lick the ball for all I care, just don't lay a hand on it."

Soccer really is a stupid game.  Based solely on it's simplicity.  Run. Kick. Run some more.  And what's up with that damned net?  It's the size of a barn, yet the scores are so god damned low.  I reckon it's the size of the field.  They run and run and run, up and down that enormous field.  I imagine the scores are so low, because everyone is tuckered the f*ck out.  I betcha that the goals were human sized, once upon a time, but the field was SO BIG, that no one was scoring at all.  So instead of making the field smaller, the genius' made the goal net BIGGER and still the f*cking scores are miniscule.

Only thing worse than the game of soccer, are the fans.  NOT all of them.  There's bound to be some normals among the bunch.  I'm talking about the sociopaths who go ape shit out of team loyalty.  I believe when I was a kid, I heard a story about some Brazilian player who f*cked up and the fans went to his house, drug him outside and murdered him.  What the f*ck?  That's f*cking insane.  That's like if I wore a Saskatchewan Roughrider jersey and someone came up to me wearing a Winnipeg Blue Bomber shirt, then they f*cking murdered me.

I wrote a blog many many years ago, on another platform, I believe, where I addressed the stupidness of soccer, citing how this tribe in Africa really wanted to play the game of soccer, but couldn't afford the equipment (the ball).  So they formed their own soccer balls out of dried manure.  It was quite a sight, watching a video of these young African teens running, chasing and kicking these dried shitballs. 😂 I laughed, commenting, "See?  Further proof that soccer is a shit-game."

If I'm not mistaken, somehow I got a lot of soccer-related web accounts (FB, Twitter, etc.) tagging me and following me.  Had to block them all, because... Well.  It's soccer. 🤨

Below The Belt

I used to hear about this athlete or that athlete being removed from the roster due to a groin injury. I never really understood what all that injury involved, but regularly thought that the athlete was being a primadonna. That the injury really wasn't that bad. That with a little bit of TLC, the slugger could lace up his skates or cleats and jump right back into the swing of things. I thought that all they had to do was "man up" and walk off their injury. Holy crap, was I in for a rude awakening.

It would seem that the "Powers That Be", the gods of professional athleticism, have heard enough of my blasphemy and graced me with the very same injury that I've mocked others with for so long. Anyone who knows me, can testify that throughout my shitty, yet distinguished life, I've have suffered through a great many injuries. I've had a few surgeries, one that left me quite disfigured. And other injuries that probably should have hurt more than they did. I can assure all readers, that despite my grocery list of "who's who" injuries, I've not had to deal with the level of discomfort I am feeling with regards to this personal injury, which I acquired yesterday at work.

The day had begun like any other day. My co-hort, Mr. G_____ was not in, as he had other engagements to tangle with. I'd come into the main office, clicked on my computer, then went to the warehouse to turn on the lights and unlock the back door. As I approached the front office, I was about 15 feet from the door that divides the two rooms of the building when I heard the telephone ring. If you don't answer it right away, it goes to voice mail, which can be a pain in the ass sometimes, so I picked up my pace to beat the ringer. That's when my foot caught the corner of a rug that, to this day I can't figure out it's purpose by that door. Instead of a little hop and a skip, like usual, I instead came crashing down with a tremendous THUD! I must've twisted and contorted my body in such a way to prevent extensive injury, because as I sat there, against the coolness of the steel door, I didn't feel any pain. However, in the hours that followed, something began to augment.

Gone was my usual swagger about the office (and in life), and in it's place an increasing limp matched with agonizing discomfort. I went to my doctor earlier this morning, who ran a couple of tests and confirmed to me that I have a "pulled groin". I was overwhelmed with understanding and compassion. I actually felt bad for mocking all those athletes I'd heard of with similar injuries. I understood now, why they'd be removed from their respective active rosters. This was an injury that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. That is, except one piece of shit, who shall remain nameless, but looks like a "wisent". That idiot deserves to feel this kind of pain... For being a dickhead!

So to all the athletes who may come across this blog, please allow me this opportunity to apologize for mocking your groin injuries, past and present. I never realized the extensiveness of this discomfort and you can best be sure that I will never mock sports-related injuries again.

As for all the soccer players of the world... SCREW YOU!!! Soccer's not a sport!!! It's gay, but not a sport!!! I say, "Get up and walk it off, sissy!!!" The only groin pulls you guys are getting, are the one's you give each other in the locker room showers. Circle jerks, anyone?