CHEWBACCA - What a Wookiee!!!!

According to Wikipedia, Chewbacca became Han Solo's first mate and sidekick after Solo, then an Imperial Captain, disobeyed a direct order to kill the wookiee, who was at the time a slave for the Empire. Solo was discharged from the Imperial Navy, who would go on to become a smuggler throughout the galaxy. Chewbacca, owing Solo a life debt, would serve Solo for the rest of his life.

I've always thought Chewbacca had sad eyes. Even when vexed, he maintained a certain sadness about him. I could never quite put my finger on it, until recently. Unrequited love. It wasn't until I suffered some heartache, that I was able to recognize others going through the same turmoil. Chewbacca is sad, because his love for his life companion has not been reciprocated.

Life debt or not, Chewie had the freedom to say "f*ck it", grab his purse and go home. He never did, though. Why? He was secretly in love with Han Solo. The man who saved his life all those grimnals before, was this wookie's "one and only".

There may be many naysayers who would quickly feed me to the Sarlacc for suggesting such blasphemy, but when all the pieces of the puzzle are placed together, I would venture certain speculation that many doubters will quickly become supporters.

First of all, check out Chewbacca's well-coiffed mane. In the first movie, Episode IV: A New Hope, Chewbacca's hair is slicked back. He looked confident and comfortable in his role as Han Solo's sidekick and first mate. Not a single hair was out of place. Who else has perfect hair like that? Italian mobsters and homosexuals, and the last time I checked, there was no Italian mob on the wookiee home world of Kashyyyk.

By the second movie, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, he maintained that sidekick role to Han Solo, only he was no longer the proverbial "apple of Han's eye". The Corellian has set his attentions on Princess Leia. The jealousy he feels towards the princess is only surmounted by his love for Han Solo. It is his love and respect for Han that prevents him from tearing her limb from limb.

Gone too, is his attention to detail. The well-groomed hair that was once slicked back, is now dishevelled and in general disarray. He figures that as long as Han Solo has his sights on Leia, he doesn't stand a chance, so why bother.

In Episode V, Han also announces that he and Chewie would be departing from the Rebel Alliance, looking to settle terms with Jabba the Hut. This is why Chewbacca is working day and night to get the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon back up to speed. His efforts are thwarted momentarily, when that "hero" Luke Skywalker nearly gets himself killed by a Wampa on the ice planet of Hoth. In the scene where Han, Leia and Chewie are surrounding Luke in the medical bay, and Leia leans in and plants a big kiss on Luke's lips, if you look at Chewie, you can see a look of complacency wash over the seven foot behemoth. He knows that once he and Han leave these freedom fighters behind, he will no longer have to cry himself to sleep at night, whimpering silently to himself wondering "What does she have that I don't?" Try a vocabulary that doesn't consist of barks 'n' growls..., not to mention a vagina.

By Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, we've learned that Han Solo has been captured by the Empire and Boba Fett, who have frozen Han in carbonite and was then whisked off to Jabba the Hut. On display in Jabba's palace, an elaborate rescue was put into play, plopping Chewbacca right in the middle. Released from the carbonite, Han Solo was blind and frigid. Chewbacca put up no resistance in pulling the haggered man close to his bussom. Han pays no mind as he's literally freezing, but Chewbacca is clearly in a state of bliss.

The wookiee is clearly gay for Han Solo. I mean, it's SO obvious. He has a purse slung over one shoulder. He fires a crossbow laser rifle... Why the f*ck would you need a crossbow laser gun, if you can't shoot anything from the bow? It's clearly a fashion statement on the part of the gay wookiee.

Kind of like how Smithers is gay for Mr. Burns. Both dropping desperate hints of their affection all the time, but neither object of their love, can see it. They simply are unable to see the forest for the trees.

I don't know what comes of Chewbacca in the grimnals following the fall of the Empire. I don't live in my parents basement and I'm able to talk to real girls, so I haven't followed up with any books on the subject, and as far as my getting some of the terminology correct, I must credit Google with everything.

However, if I had to put money on it, I would think that one quiet evening, while transporting Glitterstim Spice from Kessel to an area south of the Si'Klaata Cluster, perhaps. The two old friends might get to reminiscing over a bottle of spirits, about life before the rebellion and before Leia and Luke complicated their lives. Maybe the spirits will help to break down some of his inhibitions and in a quiet awkward moment, Chewie will softly moan and grunt his true feelings for his patriarchal companion. Maybe it will be in those fleeting moments, with the once tropical paradise of Rion in the background, the two will engage in their forbidden tryst... Either that OR Han Solo will be so put off by the gesture, that he would pulverize the wookiee with a shot from his sidearm, just as he should've done and those decades before, then jettisoned his furry ass into deep space.