X-Bow

According to Wikipedia, the crossbow is a type of weapon based on the bow, consisting of a horizontal bow-like assembly mounted on a stock, which shoots projectiles called 'bolts' or 'quarrels'.  The crossbow, as it's come to be known, has played a significant role throughout history, especially in the greater European and Asian continent, as well as the Mediterranean region.

The traditional bow and arrow has been a common tool since the dawn of recorded history, which required considerable strength and skill to master.  Comparatively, the crossbow possessed much of the same accuracy, but required much less training and expertise.  In ancient and medieval times, the bowmen were considered to be of a separate and superior caste, while just about anyone could be drafted to use the crossbow.

In the modern day, the crossbow, like it's cousin, has transformed and evolved many times, still as common and popular as ever.  Today, it is used primarily in sport and hunting, and with the popularity of The Walking Dead's Daryl Dixon, played by Norman Reedus, a whole new interest in the crossbow has been sparked.

The crossbow has always proven it's worth throughout the annals of time and I'm certain it will continue to do so, long into the future, whether there's a zombie apocalypse or not.  Where it seems to be a useless weapon, in my humble opinion, is sometime long long ago, in a galaxy far far away from our own.

In the Star Wars universe, Wookiees were a civilization advanced enough to have developed modern tank-like weapons and the ability for space travel, yet many of their hand-to-hand combat weapons in their arsenal, were still of a primitive-based design.  Bow staffs and spears were used in addition to laser blasters and cannons.  The crossbow is also a popular weapon used by the Wookiee armies.  It seems peculiar, to me, that the Wookiees had the foresight to develop stronger more destructive weapons, but still avoided casting aside their more inadequate weapons.  Though I never looked real close during the war on the Wookiee planet in Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, I'm sure there were still some Wookiee soldiers using rocks and stones.

The most prominent Wookiee of them all, Chewbacca, eventually left his home planet for a life of adventure, skipping around the galaxy with his companion, Han Solo, and though there were many instances that occurred in the time in between, the Wookiee never cast aside the main weapon of his people, the crossbow.

An impressive weapon to look at, intimidating in some instances, overall the weapon is bulky and inadequate.  For one, the crossbow (as it was used on the planet Earth) was designed for the ease of shooting ballistic projectiles like bolts and/or arrows.  In all of the times that I've bore witness to the use of the crossbow by Chewbacca, never once have I seen a quiver or any ballistics of any sort, being flung out by his trusty crossbow.  Hell! If you look closely at Chewies Bowcaster (pictured right), you'll notice that there's nowhere for a projectile, of any sort, to be launched from this outdated weapon.  

Filmmakers are in such a rush to design unique looking weapons for their sci-fi movies, that they set aside practicality for whatever looks cool and dangerous.  As stated before, Chewbacca's crossbow, looks impressive and even intimidating, to some degree, but it's better served as a museum piece.  An artifact worthy of spectacle and storytelling, rather than heated combat.  An outdated relic of ancient weaponry has no place in the  future, a long long time ago.

CHEWBACCA - What a Wookiee!!!!

According to Wikipedia, Chewbacca became Han Solo's first mate and sidekick after Solo, then an Imperial Captain, disobeyed a direct order to kill the wookiee, who was at the time a slave for the Empire. Solo was discharged from the Imperial Navy, who would go on to become a smuggler throughout the galaxy. Chewbacca, owing Solo a life debt, would serve Solo for the rest of his life.

I've always thought Chewbacca had sad eyes. Even when vexed, he maintained a certain sadness about him. I could never quite put my finger on it, until recently. Unrequited love. It wasn't until I suffered some heartache, that I was able to recognize others going through the same turmoil. Chewbacca is sad, because his love for his life companion has not been reciprocated.

Life debt or not, Chewie had the freedom to say "f*ck it", grab his purse and go home. He never did, though. Why? He was secretly in love with Han Solo. The man who saved his life all those grimnals before, was this wookie's "one and only".

There may be many naysayers who would quickly feed me to the Sarlacc for suggesting such blasphemy, but when all the pieces of the puzzle are placed together, I would venture certain speculation that many doubters will quickly become supporters.

First of all, check out Chewbacca's well-coiffed mane. In the first movie, Episode IV: A New Hope, Chewbacca's hair is slicked back. He looked confident and comfortable in his role as Han Solo's sidekick and first mate. Not a single hair was out of place. Who else has perfect hair like that? Italian mobsters and homosexuals, and the last time I checked, there was no Italian mob on the wookiee home world of Kashyyyk.

By the second movie, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, he maintained that sidekick role to Han Solo, only he was no longer the proverbial "apple of Han's eye". The Corellian has set his attentions on Princess Leia. The jealousy he feels towards the princess is only surmounted by his love for Han Solo. It is his love and respect for Han that prevents him from tearing her limb from limb.

Gone too, is his attention to detail. The well-groomed hair that was once slicked back, is now dishevelled and in general disarray. He figures that as long as Han Solo has his sights on Leia, he doesn't stand a chance, so why bother.

In Episode V, Han also announces that he and Chewie would be departing from the Rebel Alliance, looking to settle terms with Jabba the Hut. This is why Chewbacca is working day and night to get the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon back up to speed. His efforts are thwarted momentarily, when that "hero" Luke Skywalker nearly gets himself killed by a Wampa on the ice planet of Hoth. In the scene where Han, Leia and Chewie are surrounding Luke in the medical bay, and Leia leans in and plants a big kiss on Luke's lips, if you look at Chewie, you can see a look of complacency wash over the seven foot behemoth. He knows that once he and Han leave these freedom fighters behind, he will no longer have to cry himself to sleep at night, whimpering silently to himself wondering "What does she have that I don't?" Try a vocabulary that doesn't consist of barks 'n' growls..., not to mention a vagina.

By Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, we've learned that Han Solo has been captured by the Empire and Boba Fett, who have frozen Han in carbonite and was then whisked off to Jabba the Hut. On display in Jabba's palace, an elaborate rescue was put into play, plopping Chewbacca right in the middle. Released from the carbonite, Han Solo was blind and frigid. Chewbacca put up no resistance in pulling the haggered man close to his bussom. Han pays no mind as he's literally freezing, but Chewbacca is clearly in a state of bliss.

The wookiee is clearly gay for Han Solo. I mean, it's SO obvious. He has a purse slung over one shoulder. He fires a crossbow laser rifle... Why the f*ck would you need a crossbow laser gun, if you can't shoot anything from the bow? It's clearly a fashion statement on the part of the gay wookiee.

Kind of like how Smithers is gay for Mr. Burns. Both dropping desperate hints of their affection all the time, but neither object of their love, can see it. They simply are unable to see the forest for the trees.

I don't know what comes of Chewbacca in the grimnals following the fall of the Empire. I don't live in my parents basement and I'm able to talk to real girls, so I haven't followed up with any books on the subject, and as far as my getting some of the terminology correct, I must credit Google with everything.

However, if I had to put money on it, I would think that one quiet evening, while transporting Glitterstim Spice from Kessel to an area south of the Si'Klaata Cluster, perhaps. The two old friends might get to reminiscing over a bottle of spirits, about life before the rebellion and before Leia and Luke complicated their lives. Maybe the spirits will help to break down some of his inhibitions and in a quiet awkward moment, Chewie will softly moan and grunt his true feelings for his patriarchal companion. Maybe it will be in those fleeting moments, with the once tropical paradise of Rion in the background, the two will engage in their forbidden tryst... Either that OR Han Solo will be so put off by the gesture, that he would pulverize the wookiee with a shot from his sidearm, just as he should've done and those decades before, then jettisoned his furry ass into deep space.