The Sh*t Just Doesn't Make Scents

 

The dictionary defines perfume as: A fragrant liquid typically made from essential oils extracted from flowers and spice, used to impart a pleasant smell to one's body or clothing.  I define perfume as: A method for desperate people to draw attention to themselves, regardless of how it affects those around them.

I, like so many others, are allergic to said perfumes.  Some worse off than others.  Using myself as an example, I used to only get a little congested.  Experience some difficulty in breathing, but how it [perfume] has affected me in the last couple of years, is actually quite frightening, sometimes.  I would estimate that about 90% of my encounters in recent years has affected me in such a negative manner.  I experience pains in my chest when I try to breathe.  Shallow breaths is all I can muster in many encounters, not to mention the excruciating migraine that sets in.  Just a few weeks ago, when we were experiencing above normal temperatures and people were dressing down, I began to sense the a new brash of people wearing the offending odours that they find so "pretty".  It took me out of a day and a half of work while I was trying to rid myself of the headache.

The perfume industry generates an ungodly amount of revenue and shows no signs of receding.  Just short of $46 Billion dollars in 2022, followed by a slight climb to just over $48 Billion by the close of 2023.  Projections propose a global revenue of over $69 Billion by the close of this decade (2030).

Though the word perfume is defined as the extraction of scents from one source to create another, the word itself has evolved into the description of the smelly scents worn exclusively by women, while the term cologne has been imparted to the fragrances worn by men.  The actual terminology, as described on Wikipedia, is 'eau de parfum' for the ladies and 'eau de toilet' (instead of 'eau de cologne') for men.

In the beginning it was just extracts from flowers, spices and solvents to achieve the desired fragrances that would eventually be sold to the public.  In the decades and centuries since those albeit primitive practices were used, the process has gotten much more complicated and if I were to speculate, much deadlier, as where oils and extracts were diluted with much simpler ingredients, today's manufacturers are using a laundry list of chemicals which may be a contributor toward why so many are affected negatively.

"Just a dab will do" is the practice.  While I am quite allergic to perfumes, I never had a bad reaction to cologne and would wear it on occasion, myself.  I have a nice respectable collection of pleasing smells to which I can apply to myself.  However, in recent years, as my allergy to perfumes has worsened, so too, has my reaction to the colognes worn by men.  The only difference being that men tend to understand how much a "dab" is, while some women seem to shower themselves in the potent perfumes.  I tend not to wear anything more than the deodorant I spray on in the morning.

My opinions on the subject are jaded, I will admit, because of my negative health reactions to the dope, but I believe that when people douse themselves with the fragrances, it's just a cry for attention, whether they do it on purpose or subliminally, they just want the attention of people approaching them to ask "What's that lovely smell you're wearing?"  I think it's just pathetic.

"My mom wears perfume." a friend told me, when we were discussing my negative reaction to perfume and I get that.  We all want to look and feel our best when we go out into the world, but how much attention do we want to attract?  The world is already full of predators looking for any excuse to pounce on someone, why add to the danger?

My mom and sister traveled to Las Vegas many years ago.  Sigfried and Roy were still performing and the public could take a tour to see all the beautiful white tigers and lions that the duo used in their show.  My sister told me that the tigers seemed agitated when she and my mom came around.  I asked if she was wearing any perfume at the time, to which she replied yes.  It was the perfume that caught the attention of these stoic creatures and if there wasn't a thick set of bars separating the two, I'm sure the news articles would have read that one of Sigfried and Roy's tigers attacked a tourist rather than Roy, himself.

I don't know where I'm going with this and I apologize.  I wanted to write a puff piece ridiculing the idiots who continue to splash this shit all over themselves, but as I read through some of this "research" on the subject, I'm coming to believe that it's more of a global brainwashing scheme.  As stated previously, by the end of this decade, the fragrance industry stands to gain nearly seventy billion dollars in revenue.  

That's a staggering amount and the advertising all seem to have the same theme.  "Not feeling pretty enough?  Wear some of this fragrance and you'll be as popular and beautiful as this stunning actress or supermodel."  What woman isn't going to want to feel beautiful and attractive to those around her?  "Not popular with the ladies, guys?  Where this cologne and you'll be a handsome rock star/celebrity like Johnny Depp."

I shudder to speculate how my future is going to pan out if everyone keeps buying and wearing this shit.  The chemicals are getting stronger.  The concoctions, themselves, are getting more complicated and every encounter gets scarier and more scarier for myself and those affected around me.

Every door entering a public space or doctor's office or just about everywhere, my bus included, has a placard reading something to the effect that it's a Fragrance Free Zone and that perfume/cologne cannot be worn inside.  As far as I know, that rule is enforced everywhere except on the bus. So regardless of people's safety, idiots wearing fragrances can come aboard and risk everyone's safety.  There was a day, last summer, where the smell was SO strong that I had to pull over and exit the bus for about ten minutes.  I managed to narrow down the culprit who was quite apologetic for causing the situation we were in and the distress that I was feeling at the time.  However, I doubt she ever considered anyone else's well-being after that.  I find most young folks, from teens to their twenties, to be selfish and arrogant.  I get that.  I'm that way, too, to a degree, but I possess just enough compassion to consider those around me.

It's 2024 and theoretically, either the aliens will reveal themselves to Earth and we'll have a whole new set of problems to deal with or Donald Trump will be re-elected and the whole world will have a whole new set of problems to deal with.  Whatever happens, it's not going to be pleasant, whatever it is, but we'll all smell like roses. 🌹
 

Downtown Shopping

Big talk in the city has been about building a downtown grocery store that would service the thousands of downtown residents.  Since the mid-to-late eighties, there hasn't been anything, unless you included the little grocer that existed a couple blocks north of the City Hospital.

The morning radio crew, whom I listen to as much as I am able, were discussing this subject this very morning, peppering their report with jokes, as per the usual.  That's when another long lost memory suddenly flashed into my mind. I suffered a TBI a few years ago and lost most of my childhood memories along with...  Well, to be honest, I've lost a lot of memories, so when something, anything pops into my mind, I celebrate it. This is one of those memories.  I hope I can do it justice.

I remember as a small child, getting up on Saturday mornings and if I wasn't allowed to stay home and watch the pathetic collections of cartoons that our local TV station would air, I'd be dragged into the city to go grocery shopping with my mom and my great-aunt, Chrissie.  The grocery store of choice was at the Midtown Plaza.  The Dominion was the grocery store located at the Midtown.  It was great.  My mom would do the shopping and following her purchase, they'd put everything in large tote bins, place it on a cart and sent down to the basement where we could drive up and pick it up later.

I remember, as a tiny kid, climbing on the chromed barrier that separated the front of store from the rest of the mall, filled with bustling crowds.  The mall seemed much more busy back then.  It's busy now, but not to the capacity it was then.

After my mom paid for everything, we'd tour the mall, visiting many of the stores, before finally stopping for lunch at one of three locations.  There was a restaurant at the (then) Simpson-Sears (later it was shortened to just Sears) or an Orange Julius that was located directly across from the Dominion or the Smitty's that was located to the north of the Orange Julius, just around the corner.  It faced the (then) Bank of Nova Scotia (later renamed ScotiaBank).

I remember if we, my sister and I, were especially well behaved, we'd get a chocolate cigar from the Laura Secord chocolatier that was located kitty-corner from the elevators that connected mall shoppers to the underground parking and up to the (then) CN Towers, which at the time, was apparently Saskatoon's highest skyrise, which is kinda sad by today's standards.

When it was finally time to depart, we'd make our way down to the underground parking.  My sister and I would race to see who got down there first.  One took the stairs (me) and the other would take the elevator.  After locating the car, we'd drive around to the pick up area for the Dominion store, hand over the placards that identified our grocery bins and the young lads would pack everything away in the trunk.

Another memory I have of this experience is when we'd arrive at the mall, my mom with us kids in tow, would head up the back entrance into the grocery store, which in retrospect, may have been an Employees Only route, as I don't recall seeing any other traffic moving up and down those steps other than store employees.  Also, it was dark and dingy, not something that a prestigious shopping facility would be proud to present to the general public.  🤔 Hmm. Shortcuts.

As time pressed on, over the years, the trek to go downtown to shop was too congested and we'd find shopping closer to the farm, namely the Safeway at the newly minted Confederation Park mall.  I never liked it as much, though.

As stated above, I heard the Cruz-FM morning crew, Stacie and Clayton, talking about the possibility of building a downtown grocery store, further discussing possible locations, one of which was the Midtown Plaza.  I texted in and commented on the "Safeway" that was located at the Midtown Plaza of my youth.  Clayton replied to my text with a comment that made me feel ancient, "Little before my time! Sorry bud! - Clayton"  I know that he didn't intend the comment to be as snarky as it sounded, but boy.  That one sent me for a loop. 😟

I was mistaken in thinking it was a Safeway grocer at the Midtown.  It was actually the afore mentioned Dominion.  Safeway was located down the street and one block over at the Hudson's Bay Company department store (aka The Bay) and there was an OK Economy located at the old Army & Navy Department store, a couple blocks east of the Midtown Plaza.  All long lost memories now. 😔

Another report came out stating that over half of the people living in Saskatchewan are under the age of 40.  That being said, all these memories from my infancy and youth are going to disappear completely.  I was able to find some stuff online, via Wikipedia, which means someone gave a shit at some point, and the Saskatoon Library, which unless someone is looking for that information specifically, no one will ever discover it's history.  Sad isn't it?

Six Hundred and Sixty-Six

Last week, I was driving down the street when the radio DJ came on and began speaking about the Iron Maiden album, The Number of the Beast.  She praised the whole album, claiming that the songs were all placed perfectly in a manner that compliments them all.  Another disc jockey was present for the conversation and he sounded equally as enthused.  The day marked the fortieth anniversary of the album's release.  It also marked the debut of the band's new lead singer, Bruce Dickinson.  I was never a big fan of the band, not necessarily because of any disdain, I was just never exposed to it as a kid.  My heavy metal fandom went in another direction.  Although, I would eventually come to realize a connection to this album, within days of hearing this conversation on the radio.

The DJ's eventually played a track from the album, the titular track, Track #5, The Number of the Beast.  It was heavy, but not too heavy, and having never heard this song before, I was quite enamored with said track.  A couple of days later, I would find myself at one of the remaining music stores left on the planet, and I had picked up the CD of this Iron Maiden album.  My first Iron Maiden CD for my vast collection of CDs taking up space in my home.  I plunged the disc into the deck in my truck, which incidentally, is the only operating CD player I have left in my possession.

A huge smile filled my face of whiskers, the music filling the cabin of my vehicle and dancing around me.  It was invigorating.  Nothing comparable to The Quickening*, but enjoyable all the same.  Eventually, I would make it to Track #6, Run To The Hills.  I was overjoyed.  I'd not read any of the tracks on the back of the CD cover, so this song was a huge surprise and a welcome one at that.  I'd heard this song played on the radio for years.  I'd always turn up the volume and belt out the chorus in the best manner I could muster.  I had a connection to this song.

People often reminisce about where they were when they heard about this news or that event.  We can remember where we were when we learned that the World Trade Center was hit by a plane.  Or when the towers came crashing down.  I remember what I was doing when I learned that Andre The Giant has passed away, just as I can remember the first time I ever heard the song "Run To The Hills" by Iron Maiden.

I was just a small boy.  We, my dad, sister and I, were visiting my uncle Murray and his family in Yorkton, SK.  My cousin, Bob, had a new car, a Plymouth Turismo, a small two-door hatchback.  I remember it was night time and he was taking me for a short boot in this speedy little sport car.  He instructed me to listen to this song that depicted a history lesson that he'd learned in school.  The song was "Run To The Hills" by Iron Maiden.  He played it for me twice and the volume got louder each time and I loved it. 

Given all the pushback from media and religious groups, pertaining to this [then] recent album release, describing it's contents as evil and devil worship, it's hard to believe that there'd be a song that, in my opinion, is more of a protest song than anything harbouring evil intent.  According to Wikipedia, the song documents the colonization of the Americas.  The song tells the story from the perspective of a Cree Indian, followed by an American Cavalryman.  It describes the pain and misery of the Cree people.  Hardly a demonic song, although evil is present in the song, if you carefully dissect the lyrics, but on evil in the horrors that were inflicted on the Cree Nation.

As bad as the subject matter is, I do have to say that it's a kick-ass song.  One that puts me in a rockin' good mood when it airs on the radio and one that always transports me back in time, to that brisk winter's evening, racing through the streets of Yorkton, SK, with my cousin Bob.

(*The Quickening is a fictional concept related to the immortal characters of the Highlander franchise, first introduced in the 1986 film Highlander. Originally, the Quickening referred to the energy immortals are born with, which makes them invincible to death unless beheaded.)

X-Bow

According to Wikipedia, the crossbow is a type of weapon based on the bow, consisting of a horizontal bow-like assembly mounted on a stock, which shoots projectiles called 'bolts' or 'quarrels'.  The crossbow, as it's come to be known, has played a significant role throughout history, especially in the greater European and Asian continent, as well as the Mediterranean region.

The traditional bow and arrow has been a common tool since the dawn of recorded history, which required considerable strength and skill to master.  Comparatively, the crossbow possessed much of the same accuracy, but required much less training and expertise.  In ancient and medieval times, the bowmen were considered to be of a separate and superior caste, while just about anyone could be drafted to use the crossbow.

In the modern day, the crossbow, like it's cousin, has transformed and evolved many times, still as common and popular as ever.  Today, it is used primarily in sport and hunting, and with the popularity of The Walking Dead's Daryl Dixon, played by Norman Reedus, a whole new interest in the crossbow has been sparked.

The crossbow has always proven it's worth throughout the annals of time and I'm certain it will continue to do so, long into the future, whether there's a zombie apocalypse or not.  Where it seems to be a useless weapon, in my humble opinion, is sometime long long ago, in a galaxy far far away from our own.

In the Star Wars universe, Wookiees were a civilization advanced enough to have developed modern tank-like weapons and the ability for space travel, yet many of their hand-to-hand combat weapons in their arsenal, were still of a primitive-based design.  Bow staffs and spears were used in addition to laser blasters and cannons.  The crossbow is also a popular weapon used by the Wookiee armies.  It seems peculiar, to me, that the Wookiees had the foresight to develop stronger more destructive weapons, but still avoided casting aside their more inadequate weapons.  Though I never looked real close during the war on the Wookiee planet in Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, I'm sure there were still some Wookiee soldiers using rocks and stones.

The most prominent Wookiee of them all, Chewbacca, eventually left his home planet for a life of adventure, skipping around the galaxy with his companion, Han Solo, and though there were many instances that occurred in the time in between, the Wookiee never cast aside the main weapon of his people, the crossbow.

An impressive weapon to look at, intimidating in some instances, overall the weapon is bulky and inadequate.  For one, the crossbow (as it was used on the planet Earth) was designed for the ease of shooting ballistic projectiles like bolts and/or arrows.  In all of the times that I've bore witness to the use of the crossbow by Chewbacca, never once have I seen a quiver or any ballistics of any sort, being flung out by his trusty crossbow.  Hell! If you look closely at Chewies Bowcaster (pictured right), you'll notice that there's nowhere for a projectile, of any sort, to be launched from this outdated weapon.  

Filmmakers are in such a rush to design unique looking weapons for their sci-fi movies, that they set aside practicality for whatever looks cool and dangerous.  As stated before, Chewbacca's crossbow, looks impressive and even intimidating, to some degree, but it's better served as a museum piece.  An artifact worthy of spectacle and storytelling, rather than heated combat.  An outdated relic of ancient weaponry has no place in the  future, a long long time ago.

Two Sticks

Nunchaku, nunchuks, juan-tuo, "chainsticks" or "danger sticks"; However you wanna call them, they're impressive to look at, especially in the hands of a professional, but in reality, not a very efficient tool against a wide variety of weapons.  According to Wikipedia, nunchuks are a traditional Okinawan martial arts weapon consisting of two sticks connected at one end by a short chain or rope.  However, despite it's limitations on the battlefield, the nunchaku is a good training weapon as it increases and betters upper body strength and coordination.

The nunchaku was given popular recognition to the masses by the late Bruce Lee.  More recently, children have been enjoying their favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Michelangelo, swinging the weapon around.

I remember when i was a kid, a school chum of mine thought he was quite proficient in swinging his nunchuks about.  One day he was showing off to our class when he swung the "danger sticks" (as some call then online) under his arm, hoping to catch it on the other side, but instead, nailed himself in the back of his head, nearly knocking himself unconscious.  Such "toys" (as the teachers referred to them) were deemed unsafe and banned from school.

Toys....  Ha...!  That's almost laughable, until you take into consideration, other weapons which eventually became toys.  Toys like the boomerang, the yo-yo, and Twister.  You may balk at that last one, but until you start twisting your body around, attempting to put your right hand on red and your left foot on yellow, that is when you realize this was a torture device.  I've not read the report, but I bet the CIA was using Twister at Guantanamo Bay.

DENIED!!!!

February 29th, comes but once every four years.  Leap year.  Also known as Sadie Hawkins Day, which was unbeknownst to me, prior to today, but they were touting it all freakin' day on the radio.  That and the fact that The Monkees lead singer, Davy Jones died at the age of 66, from a heart attack.  Sad to see someone so special as this die from something so tragic as a heart attack.

The whole time that the radio announcers were promoting the Sadie Hawkins angle, I was wondering "Who the f*ck is Sadie Hawkins?"|

I'm familiar with Sadie Hawkins as far as the Sadie Hawkins Dances, where it is up to the female to choose who she was to partake in the festivities with, rather than the traditional practice which pits the guy against an unforgiving wall of rejection.  I have never asked anyone to a dance.  In fact, I recall only going to one or two dances in school, I think.  I can't remember, to tell the truth...

According to Wikipedia, Sadie Hawkins Dances are primarily in November, so why February 29th is associated with Miss Hawkins, is a mystery to us both.  Sadie Hawkins is also associated with the 1930's comic strip, Little Abner, but beyond that...  I was just too lazy to read on.  What I did learn of it's association with February 29th, is that it's an opportunity for women everywhere to propose marriage to their significant other, thus removing any pressure on him.  I think this is what I need, cuz my record in the marriage proposal column is pretty f*ckin' sad.

All morning on the radio, the female DJ (*Are they still considered DJ's considering everything is digital now?) , whatever the hell her name is, kept promoting the fact that women should be taking the opportunity to ask out that special someone that they've thought about, dreamed about, or even simply "considered".  Then she posed the question, "Have you ever asked anyone out and been horribly rejected?  If so, "call such 'n' such a number and tell us about it.  The worst rejection can win blah blah blah."  Instantly I was reminded of a horrible rejection I got, once upon a time, but didn't know if I was allowed to call in or not.  For one, it's Sadie Hawkins Day, so I'd assume it's just the women who'd be encouraged to call.  And secondly, unlike my workmate, I had work to do, and couldn't take time out to call in for a prize.

The incident that I was reminded of, took place some years ago, when I worked at a gas station.  I was a gas attendant, but at the time, we referred to ourselves as "Fuel Transference Engineers".  It sounded more impressive to laymen.

There was this pretty young woman, girl, whatever, that came in every few days to top up her fuel tank.  We always had pleasant exchanges and short conversations.  Everything seemed nice.  So one day she came driving in to the station and at the urging of a co-worker, I decided to ask her out for a date.  I came up to the car, we exchanged pleasantries and during one of the lulls in the conversation, I took the opportunity to ask her out.  "Hey," I said, "I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me some time?"  I kept it loose and informal.  I didn't want it to seem forced, but the reaction was unpleasant.

She stared straight ahead and with one word said, "NOPE!", with an extra emphasis on the P (pah).  Then that was it.  A long, awkward pause.  I said "No problem.  I was just curious."  And she continued to stare straight ahead.  She passed me a $20 bill for her gas and drove away.  I'd been rejected before, that wasn't anything new, but I'd never been shut down with such a resounding reply.  "NOPE-aaah" the word still echoed in my head.  That f*cking stung, as I recall.  Then to make matters worse, she returned a couple hours later, her call filled with friends.  She parked off to one corner of the lot and I could see her pointing at me followed by the sound of laughter erupting from the open windows.

We never spoke much after that, other than exchanges as far as how much fuel she wanted in her car and all.  I don't know what ever happened to her, nor do I really give two shits.  She could've fallen off the face of the Earth, for all I care.  She was mean and I don't need assholes like that in my otherwise perfect life.