The Sh*t Just Doesn't Make Scents

 

The dictionary defines perfume as: A fragrant liquid typically made from essential oils extracted from flowers and spice, used to impart a pleasant smell to one's body or clothing.  I define perfume as: A method for desperate people to draw attention to themselves, regardless of how it affects those around them.

I, like so many others, are allergic to said perfumes.  Some worse off than others.  Using myself as an example, I used to only get a little congested.  Experience some difficulty in breathing, but how it [perfume] has affected me in the last couple of years, is actually quite frightening, sometimes.  I would estimate that about 90% of my encounters in recent years has affected me in such a negative manner.  I experience pains in my chest when I try to breathe.  Shallow breaths is all I can muster in many encounters, not to mention the excruciating migraine that sets in.  Just a few weeks ago, when we were experiencing above normal temperatures and people were dressing down, I began to sense the a new brash of people wearing the offending odours that they find so "pretty".  It took me out of a day and a half of work while I was trying to rid myself of the headache.

The perfume industry generates an ungodly amount of revenue and shows no signs of receding.  Just short of $46 Billion dollars in 2022, followed by a slight climb to just over $48 Billion by the close of 2023.  Projections propose a global revenue of over $69 Billion by the close of this decade (2030).

Though the word perfume is defined as the extraction of scents from one source to create another, the word itself has evolved into the description of the smelly scents worn exclusively by women, while the term cologne has been imparted to the fragrances worn by men.  The actual terminology, as described on Wikipedia, is 'eau de parfum' for the ladies and 'eau de toilet' (instead of 'eau de cologne') for men.

In the beginning it was just extracts from flowers, spices and solvents to achieve the desired fragrances that would eventually be sold to the public.  In the decades and centuries since those albeit primitive practices were used, the process has gotten much more complicated and if I were to speculate, much deadlier, as where oils and extracts were diluted with much simpler ingredients, today's manufacturers are using a laundry list of chemicals which may be a contributor toward why so many are affected negatively.

"Just a dab will do" is the practice.  While I am quite allergic to perfumes, I never had a bad reaction to cologne and would wear it on occasion, myself.  I have a nice respectable collection of pleasing smells to which I can apply to myself.  However, in recent years, as my allergy to perfumes has worsened, so too, has my reaction to the colognes worn by men.  The only difference being that men tend to understand how much a "dab" is, while some women seem to shower themselves in the potent perfumes.  I tend not to wear anything more than the deodorant I spray on in the morning.

My opinions on the subject are jaded, I will admit, because of my negative health reactions to the dope, but I believe that when people douse themselves with the fragrances, it's just a cry for attention, whether they do it on purpose or subliminally, they just want the attention of people approaching them to ask "What's that lovely smell you're wearing?"  I think it's just pathetic.

"My mom wears perfume." a friend told me, when we were discussing my negative reaction to perfume and I get that.  We all want to look and feel our best when we go out into the world, but how much attention do we want to attract?  The world is already full of predators looking for any excuse to pounce on someone, why add to the danger?

My mom and sister traveled to Las Vegas many years ago.  Sigfried and Roy were still performing and the public could take a tour to see all the beautiful white tigers and lions that the duo used in their show.  My sister told me that the tigers seemed agitated when she and my mom came around.  I asked if she was wearing any perfume at the time, to which she replied yes.  It was the perfume that caught the attention of these stoic creatures and if there wasn't a thick set of bars separating the two, I'm sure the news articles would have read that one of Sigfried and Roy's tigers attacked a tourist rather than Roy, himself.

I don't know where I'm going with this and I apologize.  I wanted to write a puff piece ridiculing the idiots who continue to splash this shit all over themselves, but as I read through some of this "research" on the subject, I'm coming to believe that it's more of a global brainwashing scheme.  As stated previously, by the end of this decade, the fragrance industry stands to gain nearly seventy billion dollars in revenue.  

That's a staggering amount and the advertising all seem to have the same theme.  "Not feeling pretty enough?  Wear some of this fragrance and you'll be as popular and beautiful as this stunning actress or supermodel."  What woman isn't going to want to feel beautiful and attractive to those around her?  "Not popular with the ladies, guys?  Where this cologne and you'll be a handsome rock star/celebrity like Johnny Depp."

I shudder to speculate how my future is going to pan out if everyone keeps buying and wearing this shit.  The chemicals are getting stronger.  The concoctions, themselves, are getting more complicated and every encounter gets scarier and more scarier for myself and those affected around me.

Every door entering a public space or doctor's office or just about everywhere, my bus included, has a placard reading something to the effect that it's a Fragrance Free Zone and that perfume/cologne cannot be worn inside.  As far as I know, that rule is enforced everywhere except on the bus. So regardless of people's safety, idiots wearing fragrances can come aboard and risk everyone's safety.  There was a day, last summer, where the smell was SO strong that I had to pull over and exit the bus for about ten minutes.  I managed to narrow down the culprit who was quite apologetic for causing the situation we were in and the distress that I was feeling at the time.  However, I doubt she ever considered anyone else's well-being after that.  I find most young folks, from teens to their twenties, to be selfish and arrogant.  I get that.  I'm that way, too, to a degree, but I possess just enough compassion to consider those around me.

It's 2024 and theoretically, either the aliens will reveal themselves to Earth and we'll have a whole new set of problems to deal with or Donald Trump will be re-elected and the whole world will have a whole new set of problems to deal with.  Whatever happens, it's not going to be pleasant, whatever it is, but we'll all smell like roses. 🌹
 

Sucker Punch

 

For years, people have poked fun, mostly in gest (I hope), regarding how much shit I'm allergic to.  These days, it's mostly foods that I need to be wary of, although there are some outside factors that can send me spinning into turmoil.

Allergic to the usual stuff, like nuts and sunflower seeds, which I don't even need to come in contact with.  If someone simply opens a bag or has a sandwich with peanut butter on it, my lungs tend to close up and breathing becomes laboured.  I'm also allergic to things like honey and beer and so many things that I doubt there's room to fit everything.  Chick peas, I learned the hard way, consuming some hummus at a restaurant many years ago.  My throat had closed off completely by the time I'd found a hospital emergency room that was open at 10pm.  This was when I found out that the City Hospital will not allow anyone in, no matter how bad they need medical attention.  Or at least that's how it was, twenty-plus years ago.

The one benefit to these allergies is that most of the foods that vegans and vegetarians (is there really a difference? 🤔) consume, is made with some item of food that I am deathly allergic to.  Sadly, that is the one and only benefit.  I'm allergic to dogs, so I doubt I'll ever be able to have a dog as a pet.  And I'm also allergic to beer, so there's no hanging out with the boys on the weekend, getting f*cked up and acting stupid.  Those who truly know me, though, are well aware that I'm able to act stupid, sans alcohol.

I'm also extremely allergic to perfume.  If women simply dab a little on, it bothers me, but I get over it quickly, but then there are those women who don't believe "just a dab will do", but choose to douse themselves with that nasty shit so that they don't just smell like whatever this shit is, but the environment around them does too.  One such lady boarded my bus on Monday and the smell has sent me reeling.  I've been sick for two, going on three days, so far.

I'm able to bounce back rather resiliently, but when my senses are overwhelmed, I find myself spiraling and I'm not even certain how to get out of the trouble it causes.  For three days, I've been sniffling, sneezing and coughing.  I've coughed so much that I swear my abs must look like a six pack, by now. (I haven't checked the mirror, but I'm happy to assume.)

The most unfortunate thing is I'm unable to go into the local drugstore, just down the street, as the moment you walk into the store, you're blasted in the face by a toxic mix of perfumes wafting towards the open doorway from the perfume counter greeting you immediately, like a slap in the face.  Like getting struck with a punch you weren't prepared for and as often as I visit this branch of Shopper's Drug Mart, I always forget that the perfume counter is right there.

For a company who prides themselves in the "ability" to help the public in need of remedies, they have a strange way of doing this.  Knowing how triggered many people's allergies are from just a whiff of perfume, WHY place the perfume counter at the front of the store?  The pharmacy should be in the front of the store and the perfume counter stuck back in the rear corner, away from the general public.

It's like the bulk store, putting nuts and peanuts at the front of the store.  I walk in there to grab some parmesan cheese, gummy bears or simulated bacon bits and I'm immediately punched in the stomach by rows of pecans, walnuts and peanuts.  Who designs this shit?  They need a firm smack upside the head.  Reboot that brain of theirs.

I remember as a kid, having such violent allergy attacks that it'd require my being placed in the hospital overnight or for a day or two.  I think it was my cousin's wedding that I went to, but had to stay in the Tisdale hospital, because we stayed at my aunt and uncles house, where they had a cocker spaniel.  Sparky, I believe his name was, but that's about all I recall of that dog.  That and he was completely black and would consistently make me sick beyond all belief.  Puffy eyes and laboured breathing.  I'd be hitting my asthma inhaler like a crackhead does his pipe, thus inducing an asthma attack, which for those unfamiliar is a scary situation.  Especially as a kid.  Each breath is a struggle.

As an adult, I've learned many techniques to avoid placing myself in such peril, but unfortunately, my job involves interactions with the public and that's a factor that I'm not in control of.  I can't predict the fool who will board the bus, ask me a question and spit a half cup of saliva on me in the process, just as I can't predict the woman who will dump a bottle of perfume on herself, instead of showering to get rid of her stink.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.

Not A Cure...

 

I recall seeing a 4-wheel drive truck spinning it's tires on glare ice, back when I was in high school.  This truck was raised several inches, had big tires on it and a powerful engine that roared as the tires did very little to move the truck forward.  I shook my head as we passed by it in our 2-wheel drive sedan.  How were we able to progress, while this monster truck was virtually helpless?  I think it was the false sense of security that the driver of the truck had.  Here he had this truck that towered over everything else on the road, so when it came to ripping through ice and snow, he felt that he was second to none.  That nothing would stop him, yet a small sheet of ice rendered him helpless.

I often reflect on that motorist whenever I think of something or someone as having a false sense of security.  As the vaccines begin to siphon out and get distributed across the country and soon, the world, I'm thinking that those who get inoculated, there'll be a false sense of invincibility that follows.  

The definition of a vaccine is that it is essentially preventative.  That the drug that is administered will contain a weakened virus that will help the body's immune system to produce antibodies that will help stave off impending sickness, but it won't eliminate completely.  My guess or prediction, rather, is people will receive the vaccination then continue their lives as they once did, prior to the global shutdown due to the Coronavirus Pandemic.  Such behavior would be premature and I would imagine many more people would become infected as a result.

This blog has evolved much since I was first inspired (many weeks ago) by this subject.  Discussion in the beginning involved WHO would receive said vaccine.  I couldn't believe that was even a question.  There should be one logical line of treatment that follows upon the opening of that first box of vaccines.

1. Frontline caregivers; doctors, nurses, pharmacists, care home providers, etc.
2. Patients in hospitals, care homes, those most at risk.
3. Police, ambulance and firefighters.
4. Funnel down from there; High density populations, then down from there.

Latest news concerning the Covid-19 vaccine, lists side-effects and a warning to those with severe allergies.  Side effects include symptoms of Covid, so I'd imagine those who receive inoculation, may be required to quarantine for two weeks, which is a little ironic.  My research has presented that many of the side effects resemble that of getting the Coronavirus, which is expected, but leaves me scratching my head in confusion, anyway.

As for me...  I often joked throughout the year that if the shit that I've dealt with and handled in my job hadn't killed me, then Covid would have no effect.  That aside and given my severe allergies, it doesn't look like I'll be getting an inoculation any time soon, anyway.  I've never been one for getting the flu shot, so why risk getting sick (or worse) from getting the Covid-19 vaccination?

I've got a shit-ton of very stylish face masks and I don't mind wearing them.  This is just a calm before another storm.  People will get inoculated then carry on as they once did.  They'll either get sick or get others sick and we'll be in the same boat as we've been in 2020.

The vaccine is NOT a cure.  No one will get cured of the Corornavirus.  It's all preventative, so care will still be required.  We all gotta be smart, here.  As for the morons who are non-believers, we smart people are going to have to be smart for those idiots, too.

Mmm. Cake!

My friend Dan and I went for a tasty treat on Monday.  He was craving a Turtles encrusted Blizzard ice cream treat from Dairy Queen, where as I was likely to get the regular crushed Smarties.  However, discovering the Red Velvet Cake Blizzard on arrival, we both opted for that one.  Dan never cared for his as much as he loves his Turtles.  Having a peanut/nut allergy, my choices are pretty grim and basic, at best, but I loved the Red Velvet treatment.  So much so, I stopped for another today.

I must love the creamy taste of the treat as the price on this sucker is a gargantuan $7.  Way more than a cheapskate, like myself, is usually willing to shell out for any sort of treat, let alone an ice cream / cake concoction, yet here I am.  Taking small scoops between typing breaks, savouring all that the desert has to offer.  Mmm.  Creamy cake....

A common practice at all Dairy Queens before they hand over your thick ice cream delight, they have to turn it upside-down, to ensure it's thickness.  After so many years, I don't know why they continue to do this, but they do and well....  Mmm.  Creamy!  Whatever floats their boat, is fine with me.  Today, when the gal did it, I felt it necessary to share an experience a number of years ago at another location.

It was the girl's first night of working at Dairy Queen.  I believe her name was Courtney or Whitney or one of those "Tney" names.  She was cute as a button and what transpired only increased how adorable she was.  I'd ordered my usual Smarties Blizzard and with her trainer at her side, the mixing of the product was done completely up to DQ standards.  Only, when she turned around to present me with the fine refreshment, she flipped it upside-down, as per the practice, but the ice cream and the crushed morsels of Smartie, all vacated the cup, splashing down on the tiled floor with a tremendous SPLAT!

She was visibly panicked and horrified.  Here she was, on her first shift of her new job, making a splash of another kind.  She was nearly on the brink of tears, thinking that I was going to be upset, but was taken aback with my actual response.  I started clapping and thanking her.  I was very encouraging.  "I've ordered these things for years and I've always wanted to see one fall out of the cup!  Now I have!  Thank you for fulfilling my dream."

She seemed to relax from that, even cracking a nervous smile, while her workmates burst out laughing all around her.  She was quickly presented with a mop and bucket to clean up the sticky mess, while another, more experienced gal made my replacement Blizzard.

I got the girl's name and I did email the Corporate Office for Dairy Queen, and commended Courtney or Whitney or whatever her name was, on a job well-done.  I thoroughly enjoyed my visit on that occasion.  And I got to see what, I'd imagine, very few are ever privileged to see.

These Red Velvet Cake Blizzards are delightful. Mmm. Cake!  It's like eating a sweet cloud, but Holy Christ!!  I just sneezed and everything came out red.  That's a scary thought if you're not ready for it.

Peeved

Some people have the misfortune of being allergic to pets.  I would consider myself a dog person, although I have a tremendous allergy to them.  Even the hypo-allergenic dogs, cause major discomfort in my sinuses, producing red teary eyes and a stuffy nose.  This may be good fortune for me, as I will never be the owner of anything as faggy as a labra-doodle.

Another pet I am intolerant to are pet-peeves.  I have many of them, but the ones that seem to plague me the most, are the two which, on paper, seem the most trivial of the lot.  The first is watching a favourite television program, then having to sit through three, four, five and in some instances, I've noticed, six minutes of commercials.  The commercials themselves, aren't the pet peeves.  Everyone needs to sell shit.  I understand that.  If I owned anything of value that needed to be sold to the masses, I'd advertise too, but what irks the shit outta me, is after sitting through the mind-numbing commercials, realizing that the program in which I'm currently watching, is f*cking recorded.  F*ck!

The other one, which sparked my creative flame, is inserting the DVD or Bluray into the machine, moving back to my viewing spot and wiggling my sexy ass into my chair, seating myself absolutely perfect then reaching for the remote which is missing from it's spot.  Desperately, I look around, searching for it, trying not to move out of fear of losing my absolute comfort level.  That's when I finally look up and see it across the room, sitting prominently next to the player.  F*ckitty-f*ck.

I'm sure there are more peeves that piss me off and I will likely offer those up to you in the future.  For now, I have to leave.  The main menu music has been echoing through my house for the last fifteen minutes or so, while I've been tapping away at this blog.  It's a catchy tune, but it's beginning to drive me a little crazy.  I hate it when I get a tune stuck in my head.  I guess that'd be a pet-peeve of mine.