Terrestrial radio, these past few days have been giving me some much needed inspiration on topics to write about in this blog. In no way, however, am I going to cast aside my Sirius Satellite, for rudimentary radio. That type of aural media is much to vestigial for my delicate ears.
However, the dullards of the local rock station posed a query to their listening audience, regarding fashion styles that people generally dislike. I never had a chance to hear what the responses were, but based on mere speculation, I'd guess that a majority of folks would be completely against droopy pants. I often wish that there were a Fashion Police Car roaming our streets, handing out citations to all those guilty of this fashion-do-not. If that were the case, though, I'd be guilty on a couple of occasions myself. The most recent being just yesterday in the parking lot at the grocery store. While carrying a flat of soda pop to my truck, my belt-line decided to take a little trip down to my knees to catch up on gossip. Thankfully, I caught them about mid-thigh and through an uncomfortable wide stance, shimmied my way to my vehicle. Luckily, for all those unfortunate to witness the spectacle, I was wearing clean underwear.
On two occasions in two different venues, I witnessed a young man, maybe the same man, I don't know. I'm terrible with faces, but on two different occasions, one at the SuperStore on eighth and the other at the nearby Dairy Queen, I saw a young fella walk away from me, pants down below his ass, sporting a wide brown racing stripe, let's say. Unless, that racing stripe is going to make you move faster, nobody needs to see it. Actually, regardless of speed, no one needs to see your shit strap, asshole!!
On one occasion, about six years ago, I was carrying a large heavy box out of my house and around the corner into my garage, and though my shorts managed to stay up where they were supposed to be in the preceding two or three hours, they "decided" to take this opportunity to fall down around my ankles. My neighbour happened to be outside right at this time, too. "Good morn- - -, ing?" I heard him call out. No sooner had I dumped the box into my truck than I was bent over pulling my maverick shorts back up to my waist.
As much as that style bugs the shit out of me, I think the one that especially bothers me, even though it's not offensive, by any means, are those new hats with the straight brim. I f*cking hate those hats. They look so stupid, hanging off everyone's heads, slightly askew, twisted to one side with the label still stuck firmly to the peak. You can't look f*cking ghetto, with a f*cking tag still attached. You're not Minnie Pearl, for f*ck sake, and Minnie Pearl, for that matter, wasn't ghetto, even if she was a redneck!!
Many times, I found these stupid hats left behind somewhere and I've fought off a strong urge to curve that peak. Make people conform to what the masses look like. It took some time before I actually learned that the peak design is different in the two styles of hat, but aside from that, these flat-brimmed hats need to go.
They're too f*cking stupid, especially when coupled with the idiots purposely wearing pants eight sizes too small so they have no choice but to wear them around their knees. F*ck them, too! Maybe I will never win an award or be posted on some magazine cover, bestowed with a prize of being the Best Dressed, but I'm satisfied knowing that I'll never look like a f*cking douche bag, either!!
On one occasion, about six years ago, I was carrying a large heavy box out of my house and around the corner into my garage, and though my shorts managed to stay up where they were supposed to be in the preceding two or three hours, they "decided" to take this opportunity to fall down around my ankles. My neighbour happened to be outside right at this time, too. "Good morn- - -, ing?" I heard him call out. No sooner had I dumped the box into my truck than I was bent over pulling my maverick shorts back up to my waist.
As much as that style bugs the shit out of me, I think the one that especially bothers me, even though it's not offensive, by any means, are those new hats with the straight brim. I f*cking hate those hats. They look so stupid, hanging off everyone's heads, slightly askew, twisted to one side with the label still stuck firmly to the peak. You can't look f*cking ghetto, with a f*cking tag still attached. You're not Minnie Pearl, for f*ck sake, and Minnie Pearl, for that matter, wasn't ghetto, even if she was a redneck!!
Many times, I found these stupid hats left behind somewhere and I've fought off a strong urge to curve that peak. Make people conform to what the masses look like. It took some time before I actually learned that the peak design is different in the two styles of hat, but aside from that, these flat-brimmed hats need to go.
They're too f*cking stupid, especially when coupled with the idiots purposely wearing pants eight sizes too small so they have no choice but to wear them around their knees. F*ck them, too! Maybe I will never win an award or be posted on some magazine cover, bestowed with a prize of being the Best Dressed, but I'm satisfied knowing that I'll never look like a f*cking douche bag, either!!
Minnie Pearl was a character who appeared on a
television variety show called "Hee Haw" (1969-97)
She was notorious for wearing a hat with the price tag
still attached. I fail to see the humour, but they're rednecks.
They do marry their cousins, after all.
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