Thursday, August 13, 2015

Money Grubber

Someone got f*cked out of their money.  I don't know who it was, but someone f*cked up and an innocent person lost almost two hundred dollars.

I went down to the bank to make a substantial payment on my credit card.  It's a ScotiaBank card and I wouldn't even have it, if it weren't for the fact I earn points that go towards FREE movies at any Cineplex-Odeon theater.  I applied a few years ago, when the program first began and I've been earning a shit ton of free movies ever since. I'm not the most responsible guy in the world and often forget to make regular payments, forcing myself to make large payments when I'm finally reminded via a pressing letter from the bank's head office.  Today, I made such a payment.

As I was readying myself to exit the bank, the teller, a Middle-Eastern fellow named Rishi, expressed that I owed a $20 overdraft fee on my checking account.  I was flabbergasted as I don't have a checking account with this bank.  My dealings with the bank is expressively with regards to the credit card, in which I earn points towards free movies.  I had no use for a checking account, nor do I ever recall opening such an account.  I pressed for more information and with a nervous look washed across his face, Rishi began feverishly tapping away at his keyboard, looking for an explanation.

According to Rishi, the account had been opened in 2011 and had exceeded to just over $193, at it's highest at one time.  I explained that there's no way that I would have parted with such an exorbitant amount in 2011, as I was unemployed and could not have parted with that amount, especially into an account that had laid dormant for the past four years.  He began typing again, further delving into the bowels of the banking records.

"It was opened with sixty dollars," he said, "In December of 2011.  Then another sixty dollars was deposited in June of 2012, then $153.12 in September."

I don't claim to be the most intelligent man in the world.  True, I consider myself smarter than most, especially those residing in Kentucky, but the math on what this frail little man just reported to me, fails to equal the amount that he claims the account maxed out at.  60 + 60 + 153.12 =$273.12, nearly a hundred dollars more than what he'd claimed.

"Is it possible that someone else tried to deposit money into their account and someone messed up and typed in the wrong account number?" I asked, to which I was sternly informed that human error is not possible.  "Bullshit," I thought to myself, "All humans ever do, if f*ck up."

I couldn't understand how such a blunder could occur.  Furthermore, I couldn't understand how if the account allegedly has so much money and hadn't been touched for four years, how could it be delinquent now and in arrears?  It was explained that ScotiaBank charges $3.95 per month as a service charge.  "Service for what?" I asked, adding, "If the account was never touched for four years, what are you guys servicing?"  Rishi explained that in exchange for the 'privilege' of having a checking account with ScotiaBank, a monthly service charge was withdrawn from the account.  This is when I began to question the authenticity of the television commercials I see daily, boasting how beneficial banking with ScotiaBank is.  It's a stinky load of bullshit, I tell ya.

I expressed that the account was never opened by me and that I'd like to close it.  Rishi assured me that this would not be a problem, then requested how I was going to pay for the delinquent amount still owing.  I explained that because I never opened the account, don't recall ever opening the account and that he's yet to prove that I did open this account, that ScotiaBank should eat the outstanding charge.  "It is only $20, after all.  ScotiaBank owns everything, nowadays, so they can afford to wave the charge."

Rishi was of a dark complexion, but this request made him turn grey.  Nervously, he excused himself from the kiosk to go chat with his supervisor, who agreed to wave the charge.  All I had to do was sign a document closing this mysterious account and all was done.

I don't harbour any ill-will towards ScotiaBank or Rishi.  No one will ever know, exactly, how this account had come into being, but someone out there, somewhere, must've deposited some money, then forgot about it, thus f*cking themselves out of some cash.  I know it wasn't me.  I have no use for ScotiaBank, other than to earn them points for free movies.  When they cancel that program, ScotiaBank and I will part ways, as well.  Adios, f*ckers!!

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