In a clear panic, I rushed through the thicket of people, crowded at the front of the store. I was on the brink of exploding in my pants. I definitely shouldn't have had that soda pop an hour before, but we always learn something via 20/20 hindsight. Into the bathroom, past the urinals and straight into the handicapped stall. I like the extra space. The seat, thankfully, was already in the upright position, so I needn't balance it on the end of my foot. I never use my hands for ANYTHING in a public restroom, especially in a f*cking Wal-Mart.
As I unzipped my heavy jacket in preparation for the task at hand, I passively glanced into the bowl , locking my gaze on the most peculiar sight I've ever had the misfortune to see in a public toilet. I've mulled it over in my mind for the last hour, trying desperately to configure a way to successfully translate what I saw into comprehensible language and I believe I may have it.
In using the facilities at a restaurant, mall or big box store, we've all seen the remnant of the previous user or users. That fecal muck that sticks to the side of the bowl that no amount of rushing water can successfully wash it away. However, what I witnessed today was significantly different. It was of a different viscosity and texture and colour, even. The colour was a dull grey. Thick and pebble-like in appearance. Similar to celery seed, it looked like tiny beads of poo, spackled on the side of the bowl, like plaque on a rotting tooth. "Ew," I whispered to myself, nose turned up with disgust, shocked by the appearance of this alien matter, "That motherf**ker is a sick puppy."
As I unzipped my heavy jacket in preparation for the task at hand, I passively glanced into the bowl , locking my gaze on the most peculiar sight I've ever had the misfortune to see in a public toilet. I've mulled it over in my mind for the last hour, trying desperately to configure a way to successfully translate what I saw into comprehensible language and I believe I may have it.
In using the facilities at a restaurant, mall or big box store, we've all seen the remnant of the previous user or users. That fecal muck that sticks to the side of the bowl that no amount of rushing water can successfully wash it away. However, what I witnessed today was significantly different. It was of a different viscosity and texture and colour, even. The colour was a dull grey. Thick and pebble-like in appearance. Similar to celery seed, it looked like tiny beads of poo, spackled on the side of the bowl, like plaque on a rotting tooth. "Ew," I whispered to myself, nose turned up with disgust, shocked by the appearance of this alien matter, "That motherf**ker is a sick puppy."
Granted just because it looks sick as f*ck, doesn't necessarily mean the contributing personality is also terminal. I can speak from personal experience to initial shock of looking in the toilet expecting something impressive, and instead, discovering something off-putting, gross and concerning, only to remember that I had eaten beets a few hours before. As to what might turn someone's poop into tiny grey balls of mystery? I don't know, nor do I wish to speculate. My only goal in writing this blog, is to simply report the shit that I see. Well, that and I wanted to use the simile that I thought of.
Despite my initial surprise, I never allowed it to deter me. I was on a mission, after all. A mission to avoid peeing my pants, and god damn it, crisis averted. Mission accomplished!!
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