YPKY-MF!!

It's been my personal tradition for the last... I don't even know how long, to sit down, usually on Christmas Eve, snuggled warmly under a quilt watching my Christmas movies.  The line-up includes Die Hards 1 and 2, preceded (some years) or followed by Lethal Weapon.  Both have come under fire, this year, for not actually being "Christmas movies", but rather action movies that happen to take place at Christmas time.  Perhaps this is correct, but the tradition of watching these films and how they put me into the Christmas spirit, is not lost in this argument.

A customary movie that plays on (just about) every channel, is the Frank Capra classic, "It's A Wonderful Life".  The film which stars the late James Stewart who plays George Bailey, a man down on his luck and contemplating suicide, when an angel intervenes.  The angel takes (George) on a journey demonstrating the many positive impacts his existence has had on others around him.  I've never seen the movie, but I understand that in the end, everything turns out well and George returns home to celebrate Christmas with his family.

One can argue, and as I understand it, many have, that this film, though considered a Christmas tradition, isn't actually a Christmas movie, but simply a story that takes place on Christmas Eve.  That, withstanding, the same defense can be made for Die Hard 1 and 2 and Lethal Weapon, as well as "Running Scared" (Billy Crystal, Gregory Hines), "Getaway" (Ethan Hawke, Selena Gomez) and a plethora of others.  Even "Gremlins" is a film that only takes place at Christmas, but is hardly a Christmas-themed movie.

Let the naysayers have their way.  Most people who argue stupid points, won't listen to reason, anyway.  I say, "Wish them a 'Merry Christmas and shut the f*ck up'!!"  I don't give two shits.  My tradition is going to continue.  Granted I have so many movies to choose from, it gets difficult to watch everything in one sitting, so this year I'm going to edit some of it.  I believe the playlist this year will be as follows:

1. DIE HARD
2. DIE HARD 2; DIE HARDER
3. LETHAL WEAPON
4. GETAWAY
5. THE NIGHT BEFORE

And if there's time, I may squeeze SCROOGED, in there.

I'm shirking the usual pizza and going with another concoction, topped with a shit load of bacon, in case any of you were wondering...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, to all.  And to all, a good night...!

Bad Aftertaste

Nobody likes being sick.  Unless you're a kid, staying home from school and missing the big algebra exam, it's just about one of the most trying times of a human\s existence.  Between the sniffling, running nose and irritating blinding coughs, it's truly quite a bothersome ordeal.  My personal Hell is the coughing.  There are times that I get on a stria that is difficult to decipher whether it's a string of individual coughs strung together or simply one hellaceous cough.  Either way, the end result is the same.  I begin to get light-headed, accompanied by a severe headache that borders on a migraine level.  Getting sick completely sucks.  The only positive that comes from it, is the constant coughing is a good workout for the abdominal region.  I've had bouts of influenza and pneumonia where it felt like I'd just completed about a thousand and two sit-ups.

One memory that I have of being sick, is re-instilled every time I see a commercial for Buckley's Cough Syrup.  Several years ago, I was invited to accompany a friend to his parents house in another city.  It was an overnight excursion and as luck would have it, I became very under the weather.  I was quite ill, with all the fixin's that accompany such an ailment.  Runny red nose and a heavy cough from Hell.  My friend assured me that he had "just what the doctor ordered" by way of combating the illness that was striking me down.  Buckley's Cough Syrup.

I've never been a fan of cough remedies of any sort.  They'd always tasted horrendous.  Even the cough syrup that was administered to us kids, growing up, which was aimed at tasting "good", tasted quite bad.  So I was reluctant to try this remedy when my friend offered it to me.  However, in a show of solidarity, he opted to take some, too.  So I reluctantly agreed.

The directions for an adult dosage called for two tablespoons.  "The trick is," D_____ explained, "Don't swallow the first tablespoon."  He informed me that I was to take the first tablespoon and leave it in my mouth until I took the second tablespoon.  "Because," he went on to explain, "It tastes SO bad, that it's unlikely you'll take the second tablespoon."

He was correct.  The taste of Buckley's Cough Syrup is SO unbelievably bad that there was no freakin' way that I would have committed to taking a second administering of that awful concoction.  On the bright side, though, just as the slogan promises, it DOES work.  Overnight, my cough had pretty much disappeared entirely.

It tastes awful and it works.

In the years since then, I've battled many bouts of sickness, knowing full well the benefits of Buckley's Cough Syrup, yet I've never made any effort to add it to my non-existent arsenal of cold remedies.  Part of me is chicken shit.  A frightened child wrapped in the body of a grown male, afraid of two tablespoons of awful tasting medicine.  It's pathetic, really, when you think about it.  In the meantime, I still have that simple memory which I reflect on a few times a day, when I see that commercial, and it never fails to make me smile.

6.8 Million Reasons

The other day I was flipping through my Twitter feed.  It's a practice I do to pass the time, especially when I'm at work, killing time on my breaks.  Everyone who works there keeps the television channels tuned into either sports or news.  I haven't any interest in sports highlights, and even though the news can be interesting and even inspiring for this blog, a fifteen minute news cycle gets a bit tedious at best.  So I was flipping through Twitter when I happened across a posting from @TMZ, who was reporting on the latest Johnny Depp / Amber Heard divorce news.  It was stated that Amber was set to receive six point eight MILLION dollars from her divorce to Johnny Depp.  I found this number to be outrageous, considering the duo had only been married for a couple of months.

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to comment on the situation and set forth to tapping away on my smartphone, like an angry Donald Trump taking a late night dump.  "$6.8M?? Weren't they only married for like a month or something? I'm not gay, but I'd marry $6.8M payday.  Even half that...😕"

It was a comment that came quick and straight off the cuff, but in retrospect, I probably would.  I'm really not gay at all and even if I was, I'd never go for someone like Johnny Depp.  He's greasy and gross.  However, that withstanding, I've also uttered the words; "You'd be amazed at what kind of bullshit I could put up with if I was getting a good payday out of it."  Granted, those words were spoken in reference to an actual paying job and not marrying me a sugar daddy.

The more I thought about the process, the more appalled I made myself.  I'm sure for a $6.8M payout, there'd be certain, duties that would have to be performed, none of which I'd be too enthused about, but when you compare them to $6.8M, suddenly the shock wears off a little.

The thought sickens me as I type these words, but a marriage has to be consummated in order to be legally binding.  I'd have to get blinding drunk and/or high to block out every ugly sin that would commence on the wedding night and with fingers crossed, we'd never have to revisit that horrifying experience, again.

People would talk, because that's human nature.  TMZ would be all over that shit and when asked to comment, I'd merely smile and utter $6.8M, bitches!  I don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't take a moment to reconsider life choices, for a $6.8M payout.

"Rumour is..., ya had to f*ck a dude..." some random guy would comment.

"Yes, but it was Johnny Depp."

Just about anyone would hum and haw at that and likely slough it off.  "He's greasy, but he's a hell of an actor."

It turns out that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were married for more than just a couple of months.  It was a little over a year.  That's a few more ass poundings than I'd be willing to go through, but like I said, I'd be willing to get married for half of the $6.8M payout...

Apparently, she claims she'll be donating the monies accrued to charity.  Full disclosure.  I wouldn't.  Marry a dude for a year and give all the money away?  F*ck that.