The other day I was flipping through my Twitter feed. It's a practice I do to pass the time, especially when I'm at work, killing time on my breaks. Everyone who works there keeps the television channels tuned into either sports or news. I haven't any interest in sports highlights, and even though the news can be interesting and even inspiring for this blog, a fifteen minute news cycle gets a bit tedious at best. So I was flipping through Twitter when I happened across a posting from @TMZ, who was reporting on the latest Johnny Depp / Amber Heard divorce news. It was stated that Amber was set to receive six point eight MILLION dollars from her divorce to Johnny Depp. I found this number to be outrageous, considering the duo had only been married for a couple of months.
I couldn't pass up the opportunity to comment on the situation and set forth to tapping away on my smartphone, like an angry Donald Trump taking a late night dump. "$6.8M?? Weren't they only married for like a month or something? I'm not gay, but I'd marry $6.8M payday. Even half that...😕"
It was a comment that came quick and straight off the cuff, but in retrospect, I probably would. I'm really not gay at all and even if I was, I'd never go for someone like Johnny Depp. He's greasy and gross. However, that withstanding, I've also uttered the words; "You'd be amazed at what kind of bullshit I could put up with if I was getting a good payday out of it." Granted, those words were spoken in reference to an actual paying job and not marrying me a sugar daddy.
The more I thought about the process, the more appalled I made myself. I'm sure for a $6.8M payout, there'd be certain, duties that would have to be performed, none of which I'd be too enthused about, but when you compare them to $6.8M, suddenly the shock wears off a little.
The thought sickens me as I type these words, but a marriage has to be consummated in order to be legally binding. I'd have to get blinding drunk and/or high to block out every ugly sin that would commence on the wedding night and with fingers crossed, we'd never have to revisit that horrifying experience, again.
People would talk, because that's human nature. TMZ would be all over that shit and when asked to comment, I'd merely smile and utter $6.8M, bitches! I don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't take a moment to reconsider life choices, for a $6.8M payout.
"Rumour is..., ya had to f*ck a dude..." some random guy would comment.
"Rumour is..., ya had to f*ck a dude..." some random guy would comment.
"Yes, but it was Johnny Depp."
Just about anyone would hum and haw at that and likely slough it off. "He's greasy, but he's a hell of an actor."
Just about anyone would hum and haw at that and likely slough it off. "He's greasy, but he's a hell of an actor."
It turns out that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were married for more than just a couple of months. It was a little over a year. That's a few more ass poundings than I'd be willing to go through, but like I said, I'd be willing to get married for half of the $6.8M payout...
Apparently, she claims she'll be donating the monies accrued to charity. Full disclosure. I wouldn't. Marry a dude for a year and give all the money away? F*ck that.
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