Bill Cosby Can Eat Shit

I don't know if it was the sudden untimely deaths of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and "The Big Bopper", J.P. Richardson, who all died in a catastrophic plane crash on February 3rd, 1959 that began the rumour that celebrities die in threes, but during my short tenur on this earth, I've bore witness to many triads of celebrity deaths.  They may not always occur on the same day, as the did on that fateful even in early 1959, but rest assured, when one death is announced, two more are sure to follow.  This has always seemed to be the case, as far back as I can remember.  Memories have grown foggy and I can't seem to recall many specific examples, but I'm sure if you Google this fact, many familiar names will jog your memory, as I'm sure it would mine, if I were to take a moment to look.

With every death announcement, I've always, secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, hoped the next name announced would be that of Bill Cosby.  I've never liked Bill Cosby.  Always thought him to be a giant gaping asshole.  A snarky f*ck, sporting a holier-than-thou attitude,  He claims to never swear, but that snide look he wears on his face like a mask, always screams "F*CK YOU!!"  So, with every celebrity passing, I have always hoped the Grim Reaper would come a knockin' on Bill's door, but alas, Mr. Cosby always slips by, like the greasy piece of shit that he is.

In 2009, when the passing of Johnny Carson's long-time sidekick, Ed McMahon, was announced on June 23rd, oh how I crossed my fingers for the next personality's name to be that of Bill Cosby, but sadly, it was 70's blonde bombshell, Farrah Fawcett and The Prince of Pop, Michael Jackson, who would be named next, both dying on the same day, June 25th.  Bill Cosby was overlooked on that occasion, but at least a child molester [Jackson] was taken that day.

In April of last year, within a few days of one another, Bob Geldof's daughter, Peaches, comedian John Pinette, and legend of the silver screen, Mickey Rooney, all passed away.  Another trifecta that spared Mr. Cosby.

I may seem a little harsh towards Bill Cosby, but as I've stated, my dislike of the man has existed for decades.  I've never ever liked or respected the man.  I've always viewed his time on this earth as a complete waste.  It's only recently that the truth about this man has come to the fore-front and everyone can recognize him for the piece of shit that he is.  It's only now, that I've come to understand why the Grim Reaper or the "Powers That Be" have chosen him to remain upon this realm, and it's for the man to stand up for his (alleged) sins.  We have to say "alleged", but we all know the truth.  Fifty-plus women coming forward isn't a coincidence, but evidence of a sociopath.

Today, we mourn the passing of three more celebrities.  The first is an actor named Ron Moody, who won a Golden Globe Award and was an Academy Award Nominee for the role of Fagin in the movie, "Oliver!"; The second personality who passed today was professional wrestler and Hall of Famer, "The American Dream" - Dusty Rhodes, who was a legend among his peers and will be sorely missed by friends, family and fans, alike; Lastly, but not least, a true Hollywood legend, Christopher Lee, who was best known for his role as the infamous Count Dracula, but made notable appearances in the James Bond film, "The Man With The Golden Gun", as Saruman in the "Lord of the Rings/Hobbit" movies, and as Count Dooku in Episode Two and Three of the Star Wars prequels.

All have left a huge wake with their absence, but fingers crossed, we can only hope that Bill Cosby won't be too far behind.

Bill Cosby is an Asshole

Yesterday, July 17th, 2014, was a crazy day for me.  I had an appointment I needed to attend at 8am, clear across town, and I guess the anticipation of not wanting to miss that appointment prevented me from sleeping beyond 4am.

The appointment breezed by, ending about twenty minutes after it started.  I'd made arrangements to hang out with a friend who lived close by, but he wouldn't be available until after eleven o'clock, so I had a lot of time to waste in the meantime.  It was a lot of bumming around the nearby Wal-Mart.  Those who follow me on Twitter, would've seen some of the pictures I took of my "adventures".

Eventually, my friend D__ came home and we hung out, with his kids, for a little while, before the long hours of being awake, finally caught up to me and I was fighting the urge to fall asleep.  Sadly, I tapped out, admitting defeat and departed, opting to return home and go to sleep.  And go to sleep, I did.

I laid down on the sofa, with my cat, and together we slept for about four hours.  Then I got up, ate some soup, because it's a quick and easy meal to prepare; Open, pour, microwave, eat!  Then I laid down, once more on the sofa, with Monkey, my cat, close by. Slept for another three and a half, maybe four hours. Woke up, raced to Safeway to buy cereal, which had been sold out 7 days in a row. (FYI, DON'T shop at Safeway, they SUCK!!)  I returned home, just in time, as torrential rain and violent lightning began thundering above the house, moments after my front door closed.  So I went to bed.  Nothing else to do.

I slept nicely throughout the night, being awoken only once, around 6am to the sounds of my cat hacking up what I presumed was a hairball, but turned out to be only food that he wolfed down in some sort of imaginary race.  I shot him with a water bottle I keep nearby and went back to sleep.  (It's amazing how tired I am, considering I haven't worked in a month and a half.)

Around 9:30am, I awoke to the oddest thing I've ever had pop into my head, causing me to awaken abruptly.  The words "LISA BONET DIED ON THE OPERATING TABLE"!!! I hadn't watched any sort of television sensationalism gossip programming, especially anything as asinine as Entertainment Tonight or their equivalencies.  I've not seen anything pertaining to Lisa Bonet's questionable acting talent in (literally) decades, not since her "riveting" performance in "Angel Heart". 

Stunned at this news, I rose to check out her breathing status on IMDb.com, only to learn that the actress is the latest recipient of the famed DEATH HOAX.  Apparently, whilst I was unconscious on my sofa for most of July 17th, Lisa Bonet's publicist was fighting off and denying allegations of the actress's untimely demise.

So rest assured, everyone.  It is only Lisa Bonet's career that is dead and it's been dormant for decades, I suspect because of that asshole, Bill Cosby, who claimed she was unprofessional for doing nude scenes in the afore mentioned Angel Heart and for an alleged "unprofessional attitude".  Speaking honestly, though, if I had to work with a dick like Bill Cosby, I'd be unprofessional too.

LISA BONET is ALIVE AND WELL.  Looking at her picture, it's apparent that despite still having a rockin' body, she's not aging very well.  The grey hair is a real turn-off. 

Laughing Aloud

With the advent of the computer age, life has gotten a lot more manageable.  Tasks have become easier and what was once a common skill, such as handwriting, has fallen by the wayside, as typing has become more prevalent.  Unfortunately, the ability to spell correctly, has not yet been mastered.

Also stepping to the fore-front, is the use of shortcuts. Shortcuts and abbreviations, which are handy in some cases, but increasingly needless in most cases.  In the case of texting and tweeting, I often substitute numbers and single letters for larger words, in an effort to squeeze as much thought into the 140 to 160 character space, but one abbreviation you will NEVER see me use, outside of referencing it for this blog, is the term "LOL". 

Where the hell would the world of comedy be, if you had to end every joke with "LOL" or "Laugh Out Loud". I think most use this term as a method to not offend the reader.  "I think you're a piece of shit!  ...LOL."  If the LOL wasn't added, the reader might be offended, but the LOL adds the element of "I'm just kidding".  Complete horse shit!  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand the motivation behind a written sentence or paragraph.  There are millions of books in the world, in thousands of languages, and most of them (if not all), refrain from using "LOL" when trying to make a point of jest.

A friend posted a video of a cute little puppy waiting to be adopted at the local SPCA.  I don't know what kind of dog it is, but he's cute as a button.  Black and white, with one blue eye and one brown.  If the pictures alone don't make your heart melt, the video will.  After viewing the video, I placed a comment on the friends Facebook post, writing that it "was a cruel video because I would love to adopt the little guy, if it weren't for the fact that I'm allergic to dogs," adding that I doubt my cat would appreciate the addition to the household.  I received a response stating that 'it wasn't meant to be cruel'.  I never said it was.

I hate having to explain my comments.  It's a huge pain in the ass, and much of the joviality is lost when having to explain shit to people.  It's like this one friend I have.  You tell him a joke and he just sits there with a blank look in his head.  Then you have to sit down, break down each part of the joke and explain it to him, before (at long last) he laughs, but by this time the joke ceases to be funny.

Far too often, though, I will make questionable wisecracks on Facebook posts, always being met with disdain and misunderstanding.  When did our society become this... this... I don't even know what to call it.  Whenever the LOL is used on me, whether it be text messages or otherwise, I always question the individual to determine if actual laughter was vocalized.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, it is not, to which I scold them for lying.  I did have one friend retract her use of LOL, for a short time, replacing it with LLAR (Laughing Like A Retard).  That's awesome.  I don't know exactly what happens when that happens, but I'd imagine there'd be a lot of drool involved.

Another substitute I got from a Twitter-friend, porn magnate Seymour Butts, was SFIF, which translates to "So Funny I Farted".  I began using that for a short time, because I thought it was humourous, although I have never laughed at something enough to fart.  Pee, sure.  There've been times when a little squirt of urine popped out, but never an outburst of butt gas.

On the rare occasions that I do have an eruption of laughter, I still refrain from typing LOL, instead admitting to "actually laughing aloud".  I think LOL is stupid and will continue to ignore it's use.  What's more annoying yet, however, is when people write it repeatedly. LOL LOL LOL.  This tells me that you're Laugh Out Loud, three times in a row.  LOL in the singular should be suffice.  Anything more, you should be changing it to LHTIGTD (Laughing Hysterically, Think I'm Going To Die), but that's too much to remember for a generation who writes the word "prolly", instead of the word "probably"...

I AM a big user of the smiley face.  I don't know what the motivation is behind that, other than there's not enough smiling in the world.  Then again, it's pretty difficult to smile when you have assholes in the world shooting innocent people, strapping bombs to their asses and blowing up kids, flying planes into buildings, or in extreme cases..., Bill Cosby.  A smile, though, can sooth a lot of tension...  When using the smiley face, the colon : followed by the right parenthesis ), use only one parenthesis, not a whole bunch.  What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?  :))))))  To me, this is a smiling fat guy with 5 chins.  Just looks stupid.  Don't be stupid.

So let's cool it on the over-use of LOL.  If someone is going to be offended by a comment of joviality, then let them get offended.  Chances are, they're too stupid to use logic and deserve to be offended.  At least, THAT'S what I think, and what I think is gospel!! (Laugh Out Loud)