It's All About Perception

A few weeks ago, I made a comment on Facebook, stating my beliefs in the (then) hottest court trial in the world, the Amber Heard / Johnny Depp Defamation Court Case.  I never blatantly chose a side.  I only stated that I believed Amber Heard.  Well, you'd think that I had murdered a puppy on a live stream, given all the f*cking hate that was directed my way.  Seems the world only sees things in black and white, not shades of grey.

People claimed that Heard was "acting" on the witness stand and that her facts were getting jumbled, but given the fact that she's trying to recount occasions where she felt threatened or abused, all the while, the man who (allegedly) victimized her, is shooting dirty hateful looks her way, is going to rattle even the strongest of wills.

I'm familiar with abuse.  Both physical and mental and though I'm not a psychologist or anything alike, I think I can recognize it.  Many people are lucky enough to never have experienced an abusive partner or parent and good for them.  They're among the lucky ones, but I grew up in an alcoholic family, my dad, more specifically and life as a kid was not all rainbows and sunshine.  I can recall on many occasions when I stepped off the school bus and saw that he was home.  Then it was a crap shoot.  Either he'd be sober or drunk and if he were the latter, f*cking watch out!!

The abuse wasn't always physical, though I do have some scars to prove otherwise.  Sometimes, I think the physical abuse would have been preferred. Scars heal, but mental wounds seldom do.  I'm not claiming that Johnny Depp was a monster, beating his spouse about, but sometimes, the mental anguished thrust upon a partner is overwhelming.  Leaves scars that people and loved ones never get to see.  And again, I'm not claiming Depp to be a monster, but maybe he could be mean sometimes.

I've always called it, "The Jekyll & Hyde Syndrome".  My dad, when sober, was the greatest man on Earth.  He was happy, jovial, always ready for a laugh and generous, like no other.  Sometimes people would take advantage of his kindness, but when he got the drink in him.  Sucked back a few brewski's or a 26oz bottle of whisky, ho-ly f*ck, the monster would come out and you'd not wanna be around the man.  I feel terrible revealing this factoid about the man, considering in his final few years, he was sober and attending a few A.A. Meetings and he was the sweetest man you'd ever be lucky enough to cross paths with.

All those years of tip-toeing around and being on the receiving end of threats, beatings and just plain mental hockey, I doubt anyone around me would have ever suspected.  It's all about perception.  If people haven't the experience with something, chances are, they're not going to recognize it.

I don't think Johnny Depp is a bad guy.  I like him.  He's a fantastic actor and seems pretty cool in interviews, but when laced with alcohol and drugs, who the f*ck knows what he's like?  It may be the Jekyll & Hyde Syndrome, all over again.

I only watched one episode of some show on CNN that recounted the days events.  It showed video of Depp, speaking calmly, but I sensed some ominous tone to his voice, all the while, he's slamming cupboard doors and swearing and throwing shit about.  Never laid a hand on Amber in that video, but the overtones of his actions were obvious.  I outweigh Depp by about 40lbs and tower a couple of inches over the guy, but I'd be intimidated if the guy was behaving this way around me.

There's a guy in my class, right now.  He's from what he claims is 'The Eastern Bloc', but the Russian accent is a dead give away.  He's always rude to me and snaps at me constantly.  I've confronted him once on it, addressing it respectively, but it fell on deaf ears.  He continues to be rude and I take great offense to his attitude toward me.  I mentioned it to my instructor, who laughed it off and claims to not notice it.  His perception doesn't matter, only mine, in this situation.  Maybe the fella doesn't even realize that he's being a dick to me.  Maybe in his culture, this is the way they treat others.  I used to work with a fellow from the Ukraine and he'd treat me like complete dogshit, until he needed a favour or a ride home.  Same thing.

Maybe there's that guy in your office or workplace who tells off colour jokes.  He does it to be funny, never thinking that he's making others uncomfortable, but all it takes is one person to perceive the humour as aggressive or offensive, to make in inappropriate.

I had an instructor, years ago, in a Parts Management class.  She refused to call a grease nipple, grease nipple.  Apparently, nipple was offensive to her and she preferred the term 'grease zerk'.  I never knew it as a zerk and in the years since, when I call them zerks, nobody knows what the f*ck I'm talking about.  Whatever, I'm off topic.

The fact that Amber Heard was ruled against, that her mental status was not taken into consideration and that all her claims of mental and physical abuse was denied, is offensive.  Yes, she's a celebrity, but so what?  She's a human being, first and foremost.  I believe her.  I sympathize with her.  And I'm ashamed to be a man, in some sense, because she was victimized all over again.  Having to recount moments where she felt she was a victim of abuse, only to be shunned and abused further by the populous.  I just hope she can bounce back from this.

On Facebook, all I said was: As a person who was abused mentally and physically, I believe Amber Heard.  That's all I said and I received about 80 negative comments that were nasty.  Just plain nasty and rude and abusive.  I'd click on some of the profiles of those ripping into me and I couldn't believe some of the quotes on their profile.  "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  Or "I keep an open mind and listen to all opinions because they matter."   Bullshit, like that.  Ever single person contradicted themselves and wrote some of the most hateful shit I've read on social media in ages. Why do they call it 'social media' when it's the most anti-social concept in history? 🤔

I've never considered myself an overly nice person.  I can act appropriately when I need to, but life has beaten the shit out of me and I'm not always the nicest guy.  There'll be people, friends and acquaintances who'll claim this statement false, but like the make-up of a clown, I've learned to hide the pain and the strife.  Much like growing up, nobody knew what horrors were happening at home, until that one fateful day that I showed up to school with two black eyes and a broken nose.  Should've seen the people kissing my ass that day.

As stated a paragraph ago, I'm not the nicest fella, but I don't believe that I suffer from Jekyll & Hyde Syndrome, either.  I'm nice until I feel pressured to not be so nice.  A character flaw, perhaps, or maybe it's a result of a troubled childhood.  Don't know.  Don't care.  It's just something I work on daily, just like I try to keep my childhood demons at bay.

Home Versus Away

It has been a debate for decades and, perhaps, more so since this infuriating pandemic reared it's ugly head upon the world.  The comparison of which is better?  Watching movies at the theater or at home.  Hopefully, I can plead my case here, in this forum.  I likely won't change any minds, but maybe, people will leave feeling a little different about the whole experience.

The benefits to staying home are astronomical and as a person who, in recent years, has become a little more recluse, I understand the comfort and safety to staying home and taking in a film or two.  That notwithstanding, a visit to the theater is so much better.

With every argument, there are going to be, of course, pros and cons.  Perhaps I should lay my cards on the proverbial table and list the good and bad about each movie watching option. The first argument would be price.  The last movie I went to was the latest James Bond film, "No Time To Die".  I paid for myself and my mother.  The tickets for admission were about $23 and change.  Drinks were another $12.  I had a large soda and my mom had a $4 bottle of water.  (We brought our own snacks because...  Well.  The prices.)

I will admit, there are cons to the movie theater experience. More cons than I even realized, plus whatever cockamamie excuses others may provide.  That aside, there are plenty of pros to attending the theater, too.

Going to the movies is more of an event, in my eyes.  You consciously decide I'm going to go see "this".  Then you get dressed, drive across town, with a destination in mind.  You pay for your ticket and find your seat.  There's an air about you as you sit and quietly chat with your companion before the lights dim.  Then when they do, an overwhelming feeling of anticipation and excitement overtakes your body and your senses are heightened for that moment.  After the film begins, it becomes an experience.  A visual that you share with a crowd of unknown faces who are also experiencing the same emotions as you are.  Then depending on the movie you've all chosen, you share it's ups and downs.  The laughs, cries and excitement.  If you can find the perfect seat within that theater, seeing that movie can almost be perfect.

I hate crowds, but I love seeing movies in the theater.  Even if I'm alone in the theater, experiencing that movie on a larger than life screen, where the characters themselves, are the size of giants, coupled with laser-perfect sound that highlights all the high notes as well as the booming bass notes.  No home video experience has ever matched my experience of seeing movies at the theater.

Years ago, my sister was married to a fella who was deep into his home stereo system, which he eventually paired up to a 60" rear projection TV, which at the time, was state-of-the-art.  Try and try as I might, I'd attempt to match my theater experience on their system, even going so far as to sit my keister in a chair just a few feet from the screen.  Overall, it was a failed attempt at encompassing myself in the audio and video realm.  It was simply muted video flashing on a large surface with distorted sound invading my ears.

Try and try as you might, unless you have several thousand dollars to invest in a proper, home theater, I doubt that seeing a movie from the comfort of you living room sofa is going to be very fulfilling.

Simply put, this is how I break it down.  Viewing movies at home is simply entertainment and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be entertained.  It's been known to release endorphins, even.  However, for many others, like myself, I want an experience.

I can recall the moment I saw the lights dim and those famous words flash on the screen "Star Wars: The Force Awakens, followed by John Williams' epic musical score to Star Wars.  I was surrounded by friends and like-minded people who were overcome with excitement and joy.  I remember thinking as the words scrolled across the screen from the bottom to the top, regaling in the fact that this is was a child-version of myself was feeling the first time I'd seen the original series onscreen.  It was truly a magical experience.  An experience I've never been able to replicate in my everyday life.

In layman's terms:  The theater is for viewing art.  Home theater is for being entertained.  I'm not saying you can't appreciate the art at home, nor is entertainment out of the question at the theater.  It's just overwhelming at the theater.

I will continue to view movies at home, as well, but I really want to get back into the swing of things and attend the theater more frequently.  Like I did before the world came to an alarming halt and we were all forced to stay home.

I've spent much time constructing this blog entry, trying to form my ideas perfectly into readable words and in that time I've made a list of pros and cons to each, the theater and the home video experiences, but didn't know where to place the list so as to not detract from the overall narrative of this piece.  So here it is.  At the end.  

PROS & CONS
(Movie Theater)

PRO: It is an event or experience.
PRO: It can be fun, exciting and memorable.
PRO: The audio and visuals are superior.
PRO: It pairs well with a nice dinner and a date.
PRO: It's an easy decision.  You choose the film, not scroll through a list of hundreds.

CON: The theater has overpriced tickets and concession.
CON: Someone always talks during the movie or blocks your view of the screen.
CON: People scroll their phones, thus distracting from the film.
CON: Parking is usually inconvenient and may even be costly.
CON: You have to be dressed.  No pajamas on the couch.
CON: No pause for bathroom breaks.

PROS & CONS
(Home Video)

PRO: No distractions from noisy theater goers.
PRO: You can set your own volume levels.
PRO: You can pause the movie when nature calls.
PRO: You can relax in your jammies under a warm comforter.
PRO: Movie starts when you want it to.
PRO: The price of a movie is substantially cheaper.

CON: Film studios lose money on ticket scales, thus boosting prices all around.
CON: Too many distractions: phone, pets, outside noise, neighbours, etc. Life in general.
CON: Screen is smaller so you can't enjoy the movie magic the way it was intended to be experienced.

The movie theater experience is The Rubik's Cube compared to a children's puzzle.  It may be more intricate and complex, but the outcome is overwhelming and memorable when all the pieces slide into place.

If you have the time and money to splurge on such a luxury as a true home theater, then that's the ultimate goal.  To envelope yourself in movie magic, obscured from the outside world.  A passport, of sorts, to escape into another universe.

Seeing on "paper" the pros and cons of each movie going experience, I can see the benefits to remaining at home, but I gotta be me.  I have to stick with the emotional link that brought me to the dance, so to speak.  I grew up in an alcoholic family.  Where many youths in my situation took to doing drugs or getting into mischief, I always had the movies.  An escape from my shitty life in two hour increments.  Perhaps that is where my allegiance lies.

See ya at the movies!

Gorilla Warfare

I remember as a small child, passing through the living room of my home, while my dad was viewing the news.  World news, to me at the time, never mattered much.  In fact, most of what lied beyond the perimeter of my childhood home, never mattered to me very much.  Life seemed pretty simple. Confined.  Wrapped neatly in a small package.  So when I overheard the newscaster reporting about guerrillas fighting in Central America, I immediately pictured large, hairy primates uprising against their human oppressors.  I was curious as to how these creatures were able to operate firearms, let alone aim and fire accurately.  Although they possessed apposable thumbs, who was brave (or foolish) enough to train them?  I couldn't figure out why the authorities couldn't simply go in, and tranquilize the gorillas and lock them back up into their cages, or send them back to Africa, where they belonged.  What the hell were gorillas doing in Central America, anyway?

For the next few days, I would sit with my dad, watching the news and hoping to catch a glimpse of the clever primates.  They must have been very well-trained, I thought, for I never once saw them on the newscast.  There were always these dirty looking hispanics running through the trees, firing off their guns, aiming into the distance.  "Them monkeys are crafty." I thought.

It wasn't until some years later, when my age entered into the double-digits, that I learned that the freedom fighters in question, were not of the monkey-variety, but of a more humanoid form.  Bandits and criminals hiding in the hills of Central America, fighting for their freedom to grow illegal narcotics, rather than succumb to a more law-abiding way of life, of growing banana's and coffee and whatever the f*ck else they grow in Central America.

I guess, in the end, I was half right.  Though they weren't intelligent apes fighting against their oppressors, they were stupid animals...