Break A Leg

As a child, my dream was to grow up to be an actor.  Not a movie star, but a working actor.  As a troubled youth, I'd find solace in watching movies and TV.  It was my escape from the horrors I'd face at home and as a result, I hoped to, one day, be allowed to permanently escape into the world of pretend by becoming interesting characters.

Alas, as I revealed my hopes and dreams to those around me, it was told unto me, that I'd never be able to do that, as I lacked the skill or the talent to do so.  Resist those words of negativity all I wanted, eventually the negativity will break down those barriers of resistance and belief sets in.  Look at me now.  Today, I still have my face pressed up to the proverbial glass window, peering in at what might have been, rather than what is.

"Break A Leg" is an idiom used by amateur and professional theater folk. It's a term affectionately used to wish someone luck.  Wishing someone ill will, tricks the trickster gods into granting the opposite and as a result, good things will happen.  Superstitious?  Perhaps, but given what's happened throughout my life, I can't deny the logic.

This past winter, I was unemployed.  Like previous winters, ever since I slipped on that patch of ice, that fateful evening in March of 2018.  So for the past few years, I've been employed at a job that was seasonal, so I'd be laid off in the winter.  Perfect for a guy who has some form of PTSD, when it comes to icy surfaces.  That company I worked for, went bankrupt, last year and I had to scramble to find another job.  As luck would have it, the job I had, sucked and they let me go after about a month and a half and I'd, by then, accrued enough hours to go on E.I. for the winter.  Come spring, though, I had some trouble finding work.

Every interview I'd set up, I'd get excited and post to Facebook that I was about to embark on this interview and there'd be a slough of friends and well-wishers sending love and 'good luck'.  Then as well as I'd do in those interviews, I wouldn't get the job.  This happened a lot.  A LOT!!  I have one friend, bless her, who would always send a loving message of "Good luck!  I believe in you."  As grateful as I am to have a friend who cares that much for my well-being, I feel that sentiment was the biggest curse of them all.  Whatever Gods overheard those thoughts of positivity, sought to quickly shit on my parade and prevent me from any sort of success.

Tuesday, I officially become a professional driver.  A bus operator for the City of Saskatoon.  It's a job that I've wanted for many many years.  So much that I almost faced charges of Grand Theft in my pursuit.  At the time, they gave me a choice, resign from my job or face prison.  The choice was a simple one. 😂

I'd had job interviews in the past for civic transit, but failed to get the position.  I can't recall if anyone wished me good luck on that interview, but suffice it to say, probably.  So this time around, when I got the call, I never spoke a word.  Nothing, not to anyone.  Not even my mom.  I wanted this shit more than anything and by keeping my mouth shut and not receiving all the words of positivity and luck, I managed to lock down the position.  Next came five weeks of classroom lessons and practical driving and now, come Monday morning, I'm about to be unleashed on the world.  I hope that I don't jinx myself by releasing this blog a day early and have some kind-hearted soul, inadvertently f*cking me over and having me crash into a pole or a f*cking school.

I had a dream last night or maybe it was early this morning.  Doesn't matter.  In the dream, I set out on my first day of driving alone.  I was given the articulating bus, like the photo seen here.  In training I drove it and loved it.  In the dream, my affection was short lived.  For some reason, while stopped at a traffic light, the bus malfunctioned and the bus began pulling back in reverse.  The transmission was in drive, but the mechanisms had failed and the bus was now pulling in the opposite direction.  I quickly put the emergency brakes on, but to no avail.  The pulling power was stronger than the brakes and screeching tires were being dragged backward, up the street, against oncoming traffic.  All I could do was to attempt to steer the bus and avoid catastrophic collisions with one hand and scream into the phone calling for supervisors to help me out of this jam.  Oddly, the supervisors weren't the competent folks I've been interacting with for the past few weeks, but Kev Dogg (Kevin Schiele from TVs "Bitchin' Rides")

I can't remember what happened next, but suffice it to say that the articulating bus came to rest on a patch of grass, off the road and professionals were on their way to investigate and tow the vehicle back to the garage for further investigation and repair.

In the dream, I was shitting bricks, fearing I'd lose my job after one single day, but Kevin, Kev Dogg, assured me that my job was safe and that I'd reacted properly and in a safe manner.  I hope this dream was one of luck.

When I was a kid, growing up on a farm just west of the city, we had horseshoes hanging over the doorways into the barn.  You always hang a horseshoe with the tangs facing up.  This is to contain the luck, rather than allowing the luck to spill out, if hung upside down.  If I ever move back to an acreage or am in a position to hang another horseshoe, I'd like to recreate this practice.  

I don't necessarily believe in luck.  I've been lucky in life, not in love, but in life in general.  As bad as shit gets, I've always known I'd bounce back.  I don't know if you'd call it lucky or just fate.  I know that when I won that $1000 on that scratch ticket, a couple years ago, the vendor who sold me the ticket, was rude and never uttered anything to me.  I know that when I buy tickets and I'm greeted with a smile and a wish of good luck, I never win.  All circumstantial and coincidental, but I don't believe in coincidence, either.  Only cause and effect.

So when you see me out and about, don't wish me "good luck", because chances are, you're pushing me one step closer to the grave.  Instead, tell me to "break a leg".  I'll know what you mean and that maybe, you actually read my blog.  For which I thank you. 🙂

Home Versus Away

It has been a debate for decades and, perhaps, more so since this infuriating pandemic reared it's ugly head upon the world.  The comparison of which is better?  Watching movies at the theater or at home.  Hopefully, I can plead my case here, in this forum.  I likely won't change any minds, but maybe, people will leave feeling a little different about the whole experience.

The benefits to staying home are astronomical and as a person who, in recent years, has become a little more recluse, I understand the comfort and safety to staying home and taking in a film or two.  That notwithstanding, a visit to the theater is so much better.

With every argument, there are going to be, of course, pros and cons.  Perhaps I should lay my cards on the proverbial table and list the good and bad about each movie watching option. The first argument would be price.  The last movie I went to was the latest James Bond film, "No Time To Die".  I paid for myself and my mother.  The tickets for admission were about $23 and change.  Drinks were another $12.  I had a large soda and my mom had a $4 bottle of water.  (We brought our own snacks because...  Well.  The prices.)

I will admit, there are cons to the movie theater experience. More cons than I even realized, plus whatever cockamamie excuses others may provide.  That aside, there are plenty of pros to attending the theater, too.

Going to the movies is more of an event, in my eyes.  You consciously decide I'm going to go see "this".  Then you get dressed, drive across town, with a destination in mind.  You pay for your ticket and find your seat.  There's an air about you as you sit and quietly chat with your companion before the lights dim.  Then when they do, an overwhelming feeling of anticipation and excitement overtakes your body and your senses are heightened for that moment.  After the film begins, it becomes an experience.  A visual that you share with a crowd of unknown faces who are also experiencing the same emotions as you are.  Then depending on the movie you've all chosen, you share it's ups and downs.  The laughs, cries and excitement.  If you can find the perfect seat within that theater, seeing that movie can almost be perfect.

I hate crowds, but I love seeing movies in the theater.  Even if I'm alone in the theater, experiencing that movie on a larger than life screen, where the characters themselves, are the size of giants, coupled with laser-perfect sound that highlights all the high notes as well as the booming bass notes.  No home video experience has ever matched my experience of seeing movies at the theater.

Years ago, my sister was married to a fella who was deep into his home stereo system, which he eventually paired up to a 60" rear projection TV, which at the time, was state-of-the-art.  Try and try as I might, I'd attempt to match my theater experience on their system, even going so far as to sit my keister in a chair just a few feet from the screen.  Overall, it was a failed attempt at encompassing myself in the audio and video realm.  It was simply muted video flashing on a large surface with distorted sound invading my ears.

Try and try as you might, unless you have several thousand dollars to invest in a proper, home theater, I doubt that seeing a movie from the comfort of you living room sofa is going to be very fulfilling.

Simply put, this is how I break it down.  Viewing movies at home is simply entertainment and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be entertained.  It's been known to release endorphins, even.  However, for many others, like myself, I want an experience.

I can recall the moment I saw the lights dim and those famous words flash on the screen "Star Wars: The Force Awakens, followed by John Williams' epic musical score to Star Wars.  I was surrounded by friends and like-minded people who were overcome with excitement and joy.  I remember thinking as the words scrolled across the screen from the bottom to the top, regaling in the fact that this is was a child-version of myself was feeling the first time I'd seen the original series onscreen.  It was truly a magical experience.  An experience I've never been able to replicate in my everyday life.

In layman's terms:  The theater is for viewing art.  Home theater is for being entertained.  I'm not saying you can't appreciate the art at home, nor is entertainment out of the question at the theater.  It's just overwhelming at the theater.

I will continue to view movies at home, as well, but I really want to get back into the swing of things and attend the theater more frequently.  Like I did before the world came to an alarming halt and we were all forced to stay home.

I've spent much time constructing this blog entry, trying to form my ideas perfectly into readable words and in that time I've made a list of pros and cons to each, the theater and the home video experiences, but didn't know where to place the list so as to not detract from the overall narrative of this piece.  So here it is.  At the end.  

PROS & CONS
(Movie Theater)

PRO: It is an event or experience.
PRO: It can be fun, exciting and memorable.
PRO: The audio and visuals are superior.
PRO: It pairs well with a nice dinner and a date.
PRO: It's an easy decision.  You choose the film, not scroll through a list of hundreds.

CON: The theater has overpriced tickets and concession.
CON: Someone always talks during the movie or blocks your view of the screen.
CON: People scroll their phones, thus distracting from the film.
CON: Parking is usually inconvenient and may even be costly.
CON: You have to be dressed.  No pajamas on the couch.
CON: No pause for bathroom breaks.

PROS & CONS
(Home Video)

PRO: No distractions from noisy theater goers.
PRO: You can set your own volume levels.
PRO: You can pause the movie when nature calls.
PRO: You can relax in your jammies under a warm comforter.
PRO: Movie starts when you want it to.
PRO: The price of a movie is substantially cheaper.

CON: Film studios lose money on ticket scales, thus boosting prices all around.
CON: Too many distractions: phone, pets, outside noise, neighbours, etc. Life in general.
CON: Screen is smaller so you can't enjoy the movie magic the way it was intended to be experienced.

The movie theater experience is The Rubik's Cube compared to a children's puzzle.  It may be more intricate and complex, but the outcome is overwhelming and memorable when all the pieces slide into place.

If you have the time and money to splurge on such a luxury as a true home theater, then that's the ultimate goal.  To envelope yourself in movie magic, obscured from the outside world.  A passport, of sorts, to escape into another universe.

Seeing on "paper" the pros and cons of each movie going experience, I can see the benefits to remaining at home, but I gotta be me.  I have to stick with the emotional link that brought me to the dance, so to speak.  I grew up in an alcoholic family.  Where many youths in my situation took to doing drugs or getting into mischief, I always had the movies.  An escape from my shitty life in two hour increments.  Perhaps that is where my allegiance lies.

See ya at the movies!