Home Versus Away

It has been a debate for decades and, perhaps, more so since this infuriating pandemic reared it's ugly head upon the world.  The comparison of which is better?  Watching movies at the theater or at home.  Hopefully, I can plead my case here, in this forum.  I likely won't change any minds, but maybe, people will leave feeling a little different about the whole experience.

The benefits to staying home are astronomical and as a person who, in recent years, has become a little more recluse, I understand the comfort and safety to staying home and taking in a film or two.  That notwithstanding, a visit to the theater is so much better.

With every argument, there are going to be, of course, pros and cons.  Perhaps I should lay my cards on the proverbial table and list the good and bad about each movie watching option. The first argument would be price.  The last movie I went to was the latest James Bond film, "No Time To Die".  I paid for myself and my mother.  The tickets for admission were about $23 and change.  Drinks were another $12.  I had a large soda and my mom had a $4 bottle of water.  (We brought our own snacks because...  Well.  The prices.)

I will admit, there are cons to the movie theater experience. More cons than I even realized, plus whatever cockamamie excuses others may provide.  That aside, there are plenty of pros to attending the theater, too.

Going to the movies is more of an event, in my eyes.  You consciously decide I'm going to go see "this".  Then you get dressed, drive across town, with a destination in mind.  You pay for your ticket and find your seat.  There's an air about you as you sit and quietly chat with your companion before the lights dim.  Then when they do, an overwhelming feeling of anticipation and excitement overtakes your body and your senses are heightened for that moment.  After the film begins, it becomes an experience.  A visual that you share with a crowd of unknown faces who are also experiencing the same emotions as you are.  Then depending on the movie you've all chosen, you share it's ups and downs.  The laughs, cries and excitement.  If you can find the perfect seat within that theater, seeing that movie can almost be perfect.

I hate crowds, but I love seeing movies in the theater.  Even if I'm alone in the theater, experiencing that movie on a larger than life screen, where the characters themselves, are the size of giants, coupled with laser-perfect sound that highlights all the high notes as well as the booming bass notes.  No home video experience has ever matched my experience of seeing movies at the theater.

Years ago, my sister was married to a fella who was deep into his home stereo system, which he eventually paired up to a 60" rear projection TV, which at the time, was state-of-the-art.  Try and try as I might, I'd attempt to match my theater experience on their system, even going so far as to sit my keister in a chair just a few feet from the screen.  Overall, it was a failed attempt at encompassing myself in the audio and video realm.  It was simply muted video flashing on a large surface with distorted sound invading my ears.

Try and try as you might, unless you have several thousand dollars to invest in a proper, home theater, I doubt that seeing a movie from the comfort of you living room sofa is going to be very fulfilling.

Simply put, this is how I break it down.  Viewing movies at home is simply entertainment and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be entertained.  It's been known to release endorphins, even.  However, for many others, like myself, I want an experience.

I can recall the moment I saw the lights dim and those famous words flash on the screen "Star Wars: The Force Awakens, followed by John Williams' epic musical score to Star Wars.  I was surrounded by friends and like-minded people who were overcome with excitement and joy.  I remember thinking as the words scrolled across the screen from the bottom to the top, regaling in the fact that this is was a child-version of myself was feeling the first time I'd seen the original series onscreen.  It was truly a magical experience.  An experience I've never been able to replicate in my everyday life.

In layman's terms:  The theater is for viewing art.  Home theater is for being entertained.  I'm not saying you can't appreciate the art at home, nor is entertainment out of the question at the theater.  It's just overwhelming at the theater.

I will continue to view movies at home, as well, but I really want to get back into the swing of things and attend the theater more frequently.  Like I did before the world came to an alarming halt and we were all forced to stay home.

I've spent much time constructing this blog entry, trying to form my ideas perfectly into readable words and in that time I've made a list of pros and cons to each, the theater and the home video experiences, but didn't know where to place the list so as to not detract from the overall narrative of this piece.  So here it is.  At the end.  

PROS & CONS
(Movie Theater)

PRO: It is an event or experience.
PRO: It can be fun, exciting and memorable.
PRO: The audio and visuals are superior.
PRO: It pairs well with a nice dinner and a date.
PRO: It's an easy decision.  You choose the film, not scroll through a list of hundreds.

CON: The theater has overpriced tickets and concession.
CON: Someone always talks during the movie or blocks your view of the screen.
CON: People scroll their phones, thus distracting from the film.
CON: Parking is usually inconvenient and may even be costly.
CON: You have to be dressed.  No pajamas on the couch.
CON: No pause for bathroom breaks.

PROS & CONS
(Home Video)

PRO: No distractions from noisy theater goers.
PRO: You can set your own volume levels.
PRO: You can pause the movie when nature calls.
PRO: You can relax in your jammies under a warm comforter.
PRO: Movie starts when you want it to.
PRO: The price of a movie is substantially cheaper.

CON: Film studios lose money on ticket scales, thus boosting prices all around.
CON: Too many distractions: phone, pets, outside noise, neighbours, etc. Life in general.
CON: Screen is smaller so you can't enjoy the movie magic the way it was intended to be experienced.

The movie theater experience is The Rubik's Cube compared to a children's puzzle.  It may be more intricate and complex, but the outcome is overwhelming and memorable when all the pieces slide into place.

If you have the time and money to splurge on such a luxury as a true home theater, then that's the ultimate goal.  To envelope yourself in movie magic, obscured from the outside world.  A passport, of sorts, to escape into another universe.

Seeing on "paper" the pros and cons of each movie going experience, I can see the benefits to remaining at home, but I gotta be me.  I have to stick with the emotional link that brought me to the dance, so to speak.  I grew up in an alcoholic family.  Where many youths in my situation took to doing drugs or getting into mischief, I always had the movies.  An escape from my shitty life in two hour increments.  Perhaps that is where my allegiance lies.

See ya at the movies!

Broken Hearted

I had a picture of myself, once, as an old man.  There I'd sit, alone in an old folk's home, when someone would come, sit down and visit with me.  The conversation would take me well into the past, exploring my history and contributions in life.  One of the questions that would close the conversation would ask: Do you have any regrets?  I saw myself sit for a moment, eyebrows furrowed with concentration, then these words escaping my heavy breath, "I regret that I never got to hold a baby."

For anyone who's ever held a baby, words cannot describe the joy that is experienced in an act that seems so minor, yet creates a large impact.  Alas, I'll never utter those words, as eight years ago, my sister gave birth to my first, of two, nephews, Jake.  At first I rejected the idea of picking the tiny newborn up in my feeble arms, but finally succumbed to the constant urging and as I said, words cannot describe the delight I felt after that moment.  He felt so small and warm and trusting in my arms.  I was almost afraid to breath, for fear something may happen to the infant child.

Jake and my friend's little girl, who was born around the same time, would be the only babies that I would hold until this date.  Due to mitigating circumstances, in my own head, I rarely came for a visit after my second nephew was born.  Even today, I rarely come 'round.  Other than birthday's and major holiday's, you'll rarely see me in their house.  I've always gotten a feeling of...  I don't want to say disrespect, but I have always felt like they (my sister and her husband) looked down on me, as I were a f*ck up!  In recent times, I'd say that assessment would be accurate, but for the last three or four years, I'd say that was highly inaccurate and premature.

Another factor that convinces me of this attitude, is the way my nephew, Jake, treats me.  At one time, he was all I could think about.  Inexplicably, the moment he entered this world, I loved that kid.  He was always such a cool little boy and I looked forward to the next time that I got to see him.  He'd get his mom to phone me up and invite me over for barbecues and play dates.  It was cute and endearing.  Whenever I'd go to Wal-Mart, I'd swing past the toy department, picking through all the Hot Wheels cars, picking and choosing cars and monster trucks, which I'd gift him on every visit.  This sparked an obsession in the boy who today has amassed a collection of monster trucks numbering close to fifty, if not more.  Maybe I created a monster.

Since his birth, my life has been like a roller coaster.  Up and down, highs and lows that would knock the wind out of the strongest of titans, yet I've managed to keep my head above water.  It's been an emotional time, too, where I admit, sometimes I felt like I couldn't go on any further.  In the darkest hours, though, I'd find inspiration in that little boy and his addictive laughter that would give me the strength to lower my head and power on.  In recent memory, this hasn't been the case anymore...

Chad, is my nephew, the second of the two boys and he's as tough as he is sweet.  Every time I see him, he's got a sweet smile that accompanies his baby blues.  In the beginning, when I rarely came around their house, he didn't know quite what to make of me, but in the years since, he's warmed up to me and we're like pals.  He's always got a kind word to say and is always inquisitive and talkative.  He's always got a toy or device in his hand and is willing to show me exactly what he's doing.  Chad is a pure joy.  He's exactly what Jake used to be.  Jake on the other hand, in recent times, seems as defiant towards me, as he is endearing when his parents around.

When mom and dad are nearby, he's happy, joking and dear, but the moment his parents disappear around the corner or out of earshot, Jake's happy smile is quickly replaced with a devious grin and the hurtful comments are fired in my face, like a proverbial cream pie.  Seemingly minor comments quickly become razor sharp shards of glass, piercing my skin and stinging like salt on an open wound.  A couple weeks back, I was asked to baby sit my nephews and at first, I was excited about the premise, as I'd not seen the boys since just after the New Year.  The last time I'd watched the duo, we had fun, eating pizza and drawing and colouring at the table.  This time around, wasn't quite so enjoyable.

Chad, as always, was sweet as can be.  He had his game boy in hand, thwarting the evils of Mario's world.  Jake, was nice, for a while, whilst mom and dad were home and continued as such for the first hour or so of their absence.  Together, we went downstairs to his play room and fired up his X-box and played some wrestling before trying our hand at some NHL2015.  That was enjoyable until I made the mistake of scoring on his team, and that's when the switch came.  Like a wash cloth wiped across a dirty face, gone was the sweet little boy and I was now facing off with a demon child.  Not a unholy terror, mind you, but more of a wolf in sheep's clothing.  He began to cheat at the game, turning off my ability to control my players, or removing my goalie from net altogether so he'd have the advantage of scoring on an empty net.  The novelty of playing a fun game with my nephew wore off quick and I stopped playing with him.  Next came the barrage of hatred, including the comment, "Why don't you do everyone a favour and just die."

I was flabbergasted and truly hurt...  Still am, if the truth be told.

When asked how everything went when his dad came home, I neglected to tell Bryan about the comment.  I doubt he would've believed it anyway.  I did share that just before going to bed, Jake attempted to strike me across the face with a toy hockey stick, but when I grabbed it out of his hand, he resorted to punching me as hard as he could at the base of my neck.  Bryan appeared to be none too pleased about the report, but feigned a smile and laughed it off.  I doubt the matter was ever addressed with the young boy.

Last night, I dropped by their house, as I needed some help from Bryan.  There was an air of fun filling the house.  My sister and the boys had visited a game store earlier in the day and picked up a couple puzzle games.  A thousand piece puzzle for her, which looked like confetti spread across the table downstairs where she attempted it's assembly, and a couple Rubik's Cubes for the boys.  Smiles and laughter filled the house, which felt busy with energy.  I stuck around for a short while, catching up on news and gossip, but true to nature, when my sister disappeared downstairs to attend to her overwhelming task and my brother-in-law went outside for a minute, Jake's deviant grin returned and the comments came flying out once more.  He told me that I was dumb and stupid and that he was smarter than me, because he could construct a solid colour on his cube in a minute.  Again, meaningless on the surface, but disturbing coming from an eight year old who's supposed to love you unconditionally.

What's most baffling to me, is the fact that he only does this when his parents aren't present, which leads me to believe that he knows it's wrong to say such things, but at the same time, where does he get this attitude from?  I can't help but wonder if Teri and Bryan aren't badmouthing me when I'm absent and Jake is picking up on this negativity?

What have I done that is so bad that they would hold me in such disregard?  So much that their eight year old son would say, "Why don't you do everyone a favour and just die?"

I left their house shortly after, feigning an empty smile of my own, but harbouring a truly broken heart.