Best Mates

 

Happened to wake up early to hear my favourite morning radio duo discussing, of all things, favourite condiments.  Clayton confessed that he doesn't like ketchup or mustard, and as much as it shouldn't bother me, I was genuinely concerned.  So much so, I took to Twitter, my preferred mode of communication with the world, and tweeted into the radio station asking "who hurt him"? 😁

Truth be known, I've met quite a few people who hate the popular duo, Ketchup and Mustard.  I have one friend who actually complained to BK when he bought a burger and it automatically came with dabs of ketchup and mustard.  As if this was unexpected.  At best, one can assume that a burger of any sort will likely come with one or both of the condiments.

I like ketchup and mustard, but for reasons other than what most would expect.  I've made the claim for, what can be estimated as, decades, that ketchup is the perfect condiment, because no matter how bad something tastes, if you add enough ketchup, it'll taste better.  Case and point: Burger King's Black Burger.

I've never actually tasted the mysterious burger, not for a lack of trying.  When I requested it from my local BK, they cocked their head to the side, like a confused mutt, and had no clue what the heck I was talking about.  That being said, if the burger did actually taste horrible, ketchup would be the hero, swooping in like Spider-Man in the nick of time, to save the meal.

When it comes to condiments, I'm kinda particular.  In my house, you'll never see a bottle of Heinz ketchup. I don't particularly care for the taste of it. Too salty.  French's is my go-to, as is the mustard, only I lean more towards the Sweet Onion flavoured mustard.  I also like adding mayonnaise to my burgers and dogs.  Any mayo is good, but Heinz's Seriously Good Mayonnaise isn't just a marketing ploy. It actually tastes damn good. 😋

I realize that this statement may strike up another popular debate: What are acceptable condiments to add to a hotdog?  It's been my experience that most people frown on and absolutely reject ketchup being added to a dog.  I march to the beat of a different drum, as I not only add both ketchup and mustard to my hotdogs, but I also like to slather a layer of mayo on my bun, too.  Again, because it's not always known what ingredients are in the wiener.  One time, as a kid, I bit into a hotdog and my bite was interrupted by a knuckle.  No lie.  It was a piece of cartilage and as a result, I avoided eating hotdogs until later in my adult life.  Ketchup can cover the disgusting taste of a lot of things, but even Superman, himself, couldn't have saved that hotdog. 😣

In researching this blog, this morning, I came across a blurb from NBC News about a Florida Bistro who outright refuses it's patrons the option of having ketchup on their food.  "Anyone above the age of ten, won't get any ketchup on their food."  Not even on a side of french fries, the article read.  Patrons of the bistro, put absolute faith in the food preppers and accept the ban.  That says to me that they think kids under the age of ten aren't smart enough to know that ketchup is disgusting, but then again, if you look at the state of education in Florida, the state doesn't even believe in actual science, either, so their credibility has no bearing on anything.

I enjoy listening to the All Fantasy Everything Podcast hosted by Late Late Show writer and comedian, Ian Karmel.  I believe he and his friends/guests did a Fantasy Draft early on in the podcast, on condiments.  Wanting to participate in the fun, I always make my own draft, sharing it with them via Twitter and Facebook.  I know that I did one up, but I can't remember what my list of condiments were.  However, if put on the spot today, I think my choices would be as follows.

1. Ketchup
2. Mustard
3. Baconnaise (bacon-flavoured mayo)
4. Smoked Applewood Bourbon BBQ sauce
5. Bacon (you can never have too much bacon)

This is a debate that will go on for ever, much like the argument about whether or not a hotdog is a sandwich.  FYI, it's not.  It just isn't. Sorry-not-sorry, but that's a subject for another day.  Today I'm going to leave you with this final thought.  I recently saw this on TV.  It may have been spotlighted on Colbert, I can't remember, but the sandwich looks absolutely amazing and I doubt with all my heart that it would require any outside influence by ketchup or superhero.

Ladies and gentleman.  Allow me to introduce you to the Hotdog Burger.  Near as I can tell, it's one pound of seasoned hamburger placed on a double-long hotdog bun, with two slices of cheese (although I think I'd add two more).  It's probably a train wreck to eat, but I'm up to the challenge.  Who's with me?