Crazy Nights

"Ma'am.  You can't stay here.  You've pissed yourself."

The hotel where I'm currently employed is sketchy at best.  A majority of it's guests are aboriginal folks flown in from satellite communities for medical purposes, their hotel bills, taxis* and meals are paid for by Health Canada, so they haven't any financial burdens at all.  They're even awarded a per diem, in some cases, so not one shiny nickel is shed.  Unfortunately, the hotel is drab and uninspiring, stuck in the middle of nowhere, so being cooped up in their rooms can be distressing and boring, to say the least.  I can understand why some may be tempted to liven things up with some extracurricular activity, but the end results can have a real negative impact on those around them.

[*Taxi rides to and from medical appointments and procedures are paid for by Health Canada.]

The hotel has many issues attached to it, but when I arrived to work last night and noticed two Saskatoon Police vehicles parked under the canopy by the front doors, I knew something was not good.  A part of my job as a night custodian is also security, a job that was not discussed in my initial interview.  I was relieved, though, that the evening fella was still there and whatever was afoot, was his responsibility, not mine.  I, honestly, don't know how I would've handled the lunacy of what was taking place.

Apparently, the crazy guy in question, had taken something earlier in the evening that caused him to hallucinate and believe that people were attempting to break into his hotel room to kill him.  According to what I would later learn, he barricaded himself in his room and called 9-1-1, but when the police arrived to his "rescue", he didn't want to deal with them and suddenly the boys in blue were "working with the (invisible) evil men in red" in trying to trick him to come out of the room to meet with his demise.  It's all f*cking crazy.  The whole time I was thinking how my tax dollars are contributing to this guys crazy.

Thankfully, the guy was carted off by police and he became someone else's burden, so he quickly became the subject of scandalous fodder added to the long line of other crazies to grace the halls of the shit-hole hotel.  The three of us employees left to look over the hotel as the evening transitioned into night and eventually the dawn's early light, thought that was the end of the craziness.  Apparently not.

About two thirty in the morning, my compadre came to me telling of a girl passed out on the sidewalk covered in her own urine.  "Here we go again." I thought to myself.  Allegedly, she'd been picked up by a hotel guest and brought back for some sexy time, but before anything could happen, she peed all over the guy's bed.  I laughed.

The police were already on scene by the time I got to the lobby, where the young woman had been moved to one of the sofas.  The police stood idly by, allowing her to slumber while they awaited the paramedics to arrive.  Once there, the woman was quickly attended to.  Her responses belligerent and indignant.  She was quite adamant in her wish to remain where she was and resistant to leave with the medical professionals.

"Ma'am," one police officer said loudly, "You can't stay here!  You've pissed yourself."

Yep!  She'd pissed all over the place.  Up in the room, out on the front stoop and now on the sofa, leaving a sizable puddle as they escorted her out the door.  I sure love my job...

I checked the calendar in hopes of some kind of cosmic explanation for the strange occurrences of the night, but it's not a full moon.  There's no logical (or illogical) reason for the crazies.

Nothing else happened the rest of the night and (fingers crossed) nothing else will happen the rest of the week.  I'm not real secure with security side of my job role and honestly can't be bothered.  I hate this job for so many reasons other than just the crazy drunk drugged out lunatics that stumble through the hallways.  I gotta find another job before my head explodes.

A huge thanks to the Saskatoon Police Service for their exceptional professionalism in dealing with the insanity that plagued our shitty hotel last night and this morning.  I'm sure glad you folks are on our side.

Don't Drink The Water

It used to be said: Don't drink the water.  That was in reference to anyone traveling south of the U.S. border.  Mexico was notoriously famous for having something wrong with their drinking water.  I can't remember what the end result was, as it's been decades since I've heard the reference, but I believe by drinking the water, you wind up with diarrhea.  That's pretty f*cked up, when the drinking water has a higher chance of giving you the runs, than the food.

California used to be a part of Mexico and though I've not been to The Golden State for a very long time, suffice it to say, if you're not drinking water out of a plastic recyclable bottle, you may be destined for some trouble.  Case and point: Miley Cyrus used to be a fine upstanding little girl.  A respectable role model for whom average little girls could look up to and aspire to be like.  She was a respectable celebrity with good morals, then all of a sudden... BLAM-O!! She's sticking out her tongue, shaking her ass and taking naked pictures of herself.  That wholesome little girl wasn't so wholesome, anymore.  I don't think "who*esome" is a word, but if it were, I'm sure we'd all be using it when referring to Miley Cyrus.

As a young teen, she portrayed the character Hannah Montana on the Disney program of the same name.  I've seen it.  It was mildly entertaining and silly, everything you'd expect a Disney show to be.  In an effort to shield herself from the hoards of screaming fans, Cyrus was a mild mannered, semi-unpopular teen, Miley Stewart, while in the evenings and weekends, she'd don a blonde wig, transforming her into Hannah Montana.  The character became so popular that in real life, Miley would entertain all over the world to crowds of screaming fans.  At the height of her popularity, even venturing out on a tour entitled: Hannah Montana Forever (pictured above left).

The fans knew Hannah Montana was Miley Cyrus, of course.  That was as obvious as Clark Kent being Superman, however I don't think Miley knew that, as the Disney series came to an end, so did the wholesome version of Miley Cyrus.  It's only been four years since Hannah Montana, but the crazy antics and public nudity of Miley Cyrus has become infamous.

Never failing to shock the public, Miley Cyrus, appeared just the other night, in Chicago, IL, performing a her songs, many of which came from the Hannah Montana era, wearing nothing but a strap-on dildo and a smile (pictured above right).  Even now, it was mentioned to me, yesterday, by a friend, that Miley Cyrus has announced that she'll be embarking on a new world tour, where it's suggested that she would not be the only person in attendance who would be naked, but that the crowds in attendance would be encouraged to be nude, as well.  "Is it going to be called, 'The Sausagefest Tour'?" I asked, believing that it will only be horny young boys and dirty old men, in attendance.  I would not want to be responsible for cleaning up the arena after that event.  The floor would be stickier than the floor of a movie theater.  I doubt, even a hazmat suit could protect anyone from...  Never mind.  I'm beginning to gross myself out...

So, take heed and be forewarned.  If you currently reside in Southern California or are planning to visit; DON'T DRINK THE WATER.  It made Randy Quaid go crazy.  Shia LeBeouf go mental.  Historically, it made Charles Manson go completely bat shit crazy-insane.  And it turned America's sweetheart, Miley Cyrus into a titty-flashing little skank.

HANNAH MONTANA FOREVER, huh?  Apparently our definitions of "forever", differ greatly...