Rude Awakenings

I've stated before about how my cat, since being "fixed", ie. having his nads chopped, seems overly affectionate to my legs. My left leg to be specific.
.
My leg is, thankfully, alway clad in a faux fur blanket made of polyester. It is soft to the touch and simulates animal fur quite nicely, so I do understand the confusion.., somewhat. I've often commented that despite his intelligence for problem solving, ie. getting the toy ball out of the bag without climbing in, for fear that his daddy (me) is going to scoop him up inside it. However, in other aspects, he simply has me stumped, left scratching my head at the idiocy. But he's just a (arguably) small creature and a juvenile, as well.
.
He is clever enough to know that I find his amorous behavior with my limbs, quite distasteful as I've tossed him aside many times, calling him a "fag". (Sorry to the gay community, but what else do you call a guy who humps your leg?) So now, my cat, Monkey, covertly attacks my legs when I am deep asleep. As I stated before, my cat Monkey has a proficiency for problem solving.
.
Most times, I am lucky enough to catch him before the "grand finale", and toss him aside, again repeating my belittlement of his sexuality. This morning, I was awoken by him violent gyrations on my left leg once more. Thankfully, I was able to catch him and toss him aside before he could finish his deed, but not without catching a glimpse of his "little pink thing", and I use that term loosely. It's an image I wish I could delete from my mind's eye. It truly is. But on a completely different note, I'm thinking that I shouldn't have saddled him with the name MONKEY, when it's clear he should've been named "Ron Jeremy".

.

.

Have a nice day, all!

.

.

**For anyone who doesn't know who Ron Jeremy is: (1) Where have you been for the last decade or three; and (2) Google the name.