Sand In Every Orifice

Flipping through the channels this morning, I see another third world country, this time Yemen, has violence in the streets. More specifically, there's thousands upon thousands, maybe even millions of people gathered in the streets, protesting... I don't even know what the f*ck they're protesting. I think every time a journalist, dumb enough to be on the ground, comes close to asking one of these confused f*cks as to what they're protesting, they end up getting punched in the head.

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What could they possibly be upset about? All the f*cking sand? Probably. I know I'm forever finding that shit in every pocket and every orifice when I return home from the beach. However, it was my choice to go to the beach in the first place. Just like it's their choice to live in the desert. I say if you don't like it.., then get the f*ck out!!

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I can't say for sure what the Egyptians were so upset about. I think it was something to do with poor internet services and the President of the country. As if, he were the man in charge of the internet. What the hell do they need the internet for, in Egypt. Do they even have electricity in the middle east? Furthermore, does anyone really need the internet? It's pretty much a complete waste here in the civilized world too. You have your Facebook (complete waste of time), Twitter (waste of time), folks like me, injecting moronic insights like this into the world wide web (not so much a waste of time) and then there's internet porn (the jury's still out on that one).

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The Egyptians and all these other countries can't be upset about not getting internet porn, as I don't think they're even interested in sex. At least, I don't think they are, otherwise why would they force their women to wear those awful (and unflattering) burka's? Plus, as I understand it, the men are only interested in 40 virgins, and if you've ever seen the floozies on the internet, none of them are virginal.

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I figured out a way to get these people to put down their stones and fists, and it doesn't involve clubs, tanks, or bullets. Instead, it involves balls. Not the testicular kind, as if any of the protesters had testicles, they'd be smart enough to stay home and avoid all this retardation. No, the balls I'm referring to are soccer balls.

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Using science, as I have in the past, deeming soccer to not only be gay, but turning people gay, I interject that if soccer balls are introduced to these screaming crowds, that intermural gameplay will soon break out. As the people are engaged in soccer, the violence should (in theory) reduce as well. The cause being that gay people don't have lower levels of testosterone, which causes much of the aggression in the world. The most gay people protest about is the want for marriage and discounts on KY Jelly. There is a downside to this plan, however, and there's always a downside to any plan. The downside is, because it's the middle east, when they engage in the inevitable butt-sex, because there's sand everywhere, it'll be like f*cking with a condom made of sandpaper. It might be slightly amusing at first, but in the end (pardon the pun) it'll suck pretty hardcore.