Misunderstood

Most people associate Friday the 13th with either bad luck or Jason Voorhees.  Jason Voorhees, of course, being the vicious mass murderer of fornicating teens for decades.  He even went so far as to venture into outer space to kill again, after awakening from a frozen state in the 25th century.  Old habits die hard, I guess.

As for the lore of bad luck, I don't know what to say about that.  Mostly, I think it's just a figment of one's imagination.  For years and years, I've had nothing but bad luck.  Could it be blamed on the 13th day of  the month which just so happens to fall on a Friday?  No.  My luck sucks pretty much all the time.  Some view such luck as "Murphy's Law".  "I don't know who Murphy is and where he gets off making up stupid laws..." is what my co-worker from the Toronto office wrote in an email to me today.  I don't know if it is so much a law as it is a constant occurrence.., like the "law" of gravity.  Not really an enforceable guideline, but something that just is.  I replied to her note, telling her to thank her lucky stars, as I have my own "law", which simply states: No matter how improbable or unlikely something is to happen, it will!

Much like Jason Voorhees of the Crystal Lake Voorhees', I think Friday the 13th has a bad rap.  They're both misunderstood entities.  Jason's case is a simple one, which I will address in a short while.  First, however, I want to address the date itself.  Shed some light on the day that so many are fearful of, even though, much like the Wall Street Protest which began back in September, most of those participating, aren't really sure of why they're participating.  Further proving my point that fearing Friday the 13th is just plain silly.

There is an actual "phobia" of Friday the 13th.  It is called "friggatriskaidekaphobia".  I've tried to sound the word out like the kids to on Sesame Street, but in all honesty, I can't frigga-say it.  Rest assured, it's frigga-stupid.  Just attempting to say the word makes me sound like a big retard or Middle Eastern.  But as foolish as that is, the theories behind the fear are even dumber.

NUMEROLOGY:  Is a major culprit.  Anyone who follows this shit is a crackpot to begin with.  Like numbers frickin' mean anything.  I've never put much stock in numbers, unless it's in my bank account or numbers on a wall.  If it isn't the amount of money in my wallet or an address on the wall, I don't need to worry about it.  As for these nut-jobs, they base everything on the number twelve.  Twelve months in a year.  Twelve hours on a clock.  Which is stupid, as there's 24-hours in a day.  They also say that Jesus had 12 apostles.  Numerologists also believe that 13 is an odd number -- DUH!  And those most superstitious believe that because there were 13 people at the Last Supper, that anytime there's 13 diners, one of those thirteen will die soon after.  That's friggin' stupid.  I'm sure Jesus broke bread with these dudes a number of times before that fateful day.  I wouldn't necessarily say it was because Jesus had his twelve apostles with him at supper that led to his demise.  He was too forgiving of a man, which would make him naive and having  poor choice in friends.   I've been f*cked over before.  Lots of times, of course it never lead to my being nailed to a f*cking cross, but I'm still young.

All stupid superstitions.  They should all be overlooked.  There's nothing unlucky about Friday.  Friday is an awesome day.  For those of us lucky to have jobs that don't require weekend work, Friday is the end of an otherwise shitty week.  Because, lets face it.  Unless you work for yourself or have a career you absolutely love, you're just a mindless drone punching a time clock.  A common question posed in my office is "Is it Friday yet?"  And it is usually asked first at about 8:10am Monday morning.

Although, history has proved Friday to be pretty f*cked for some, but I think it was all coincidental.  Like the Templar Grand Master and several of his Templar knights were arrested on Friday the 13th in the year 1307, by King Phillip of France.  Most were tortured and killed.., so yeah, that could be construed as bad, I suppose.  Friday the 13th, 2004 saw Hurricane Charley, a Category 4 hurricane, slam into southeastern Florida.  Charley was the strongest hurricane to that date since Hurricane Andrew twelve years before.  Hmm...., twelve...  I guess twelve wasn't so lucky for Floridians on that day.

Renowned rapper, Tupac Shakur, was pronounced dead on Friday the 13th, which sucks for him.  In my opinion, though, I doubt that motherf*cker isn't dead.  Because aside from Elvis, how can one dead dude keep puttin' out CD's for so many years after his so-called "death".  Again.  A blog subject for another day, though.

Jesus Christ.  The man.  The myth.  The legend, was crucified on a Friday.  It's not known if it was the thirteenth day of the month, but it is a shitty way to start the weekend.  I don't recommend it.

Friday the 13th is fine.  I've always had pretty good luck on Friday the 13th.  It's not a day I'd choose to go camping.  Especially with a bunch of sexy scantily-clad college girls with nothing more than getting drunk, high and sexed up on their minds.  Saturday the 14th, I'm there, but Friday I think I'd stay home.  Just to be on the safe side.  Not that Jason Voorhees is one to be feared.  Well he is, but I understand the man.  I know what ails him.  We're a lot alike, except for the fact that he kills a lot of people with a machete and me, I'm just so sexy it hurts.

Jason Voorhees was a kid that got bullied and picked on.  That sounds familiar.  The only difference is I managed to survive the constant picking and teasing, whereas Jason was drowned in the dark waters of Crystal Lake.  Another trait that we both do share, is migraine headaches.  I get them bad some days.  Sometimes my head hurts so much, the slightest of sounds triggers an unbelievable surge through my head that makes me want to cry.  Jason...  He gets chronic migraines and as a result, he tries to remain in the forest where there is very little noise.  Just leaves rustling in the breeze and the odd chirp of a chickadee.  Now imagine, if you will, your head hurts, the pulse booms in your inner ear, like a kid on a drum.  It's all you can do to relax, then you hear the laughter of college coeds in the near distance.  "Oh f*ck!" you think to yourself, which hurts even though your thoughts are silent.  "Somebody's going to have to pay!"

I enjoy the naked female body as much as the next guy, but when a serious migraine has set on, where even the sound of your own breath hurts your head, the thought of nookie and nudity goes out the window.  I'm sure in those moments of clarity in the aftermath, when Jason is down by the lake cleaning his killing utensils, he may feel a little remorse.  "Hmm.  That hot blonde with the big tits was cute.  Sure too bad I had to hack her up into thirteen pieces, but she just wouldn't shut up."

A good guideline in life is: It's better to be safe, than sorry.  It's better to wear a life jacket in a boat, just in case you sink.  It's better to wear your seat belt, because f*ckers be drivin' crazy out there.  And if camping day falls on a Friday the 13th, maybe just stay home with the doors all locked and hiding under the covers... You know...  Just in case!