Wordage

 

I enjoy drafts.  Listening to All Fantasy Everything, hosted by comedian, Ian Karmel, he and his friends draft everything from best Taco Bell items to Favourite Music Videos to Best One Word Movie Titles.  The podcast has existed for many years and they've not lost on topics to draft.  Way more than can be covered in the opening paragraph of some blog that nobody reads.  Suffice it to say, it's something that I've found personal joy in doing my own drafts and sharing them on Facebook.  I've even shared some with Ian and the AFE podcast.  A couple months back, I concocted my own draft, which I shared with Ian via Twitter and he liked it so much, though he never specified it, I think he may (if he hasn't already) pose that as a subject to draft on All Fantasy Everything.  It'd be fun to find out their picks.

Cruz FM, here in the city, also does a draft.  It's done by morning DJs, Stacie Cooper and Clayton Kroeker.  Usually only local things or items from the province are drafted, but it's still fun to listen to and vote on who the winner is.

All this influence and I've come to the point where I'm going to do another "one-off" draft that, to my knowledge, has not been done yet, but may in the future if someone likes it.  Today's draft is going to be my FAVOURITE WORDS.

Before moving forward with my list of favourite words, I feel it necessary to compile a short list of the words I don't like.  Absolutely detest them.  The first word that I don't much care for: FAKE.

I absolutely hate the word: Fake.  It has such a negative connotation associated with it.  I think it's association with professional wrestling is where it garnered the most hate from me.  Reducing the efforts of what those men and women do in a wrestling ring, to "fake" is a slap in the face to their talent and athleticism.

The next word that I absolutely detest and the irony is not lost on me, is the word: HATE.  My dislike for this word is a thousand percent.  It's a word that should be stricken from the books, as it invokes the worst in people.

Another word that deserves to be stricken from the record is the word that isn't really a word.  PROLLY is for stupid people who can't spell probably.  In a world where auto-correct controls all of our communique, it's hard to argue that prolly should exist.  Yet thousands of dummies continue to use it and it drives me crazy.

Last word I detest and probably the most controversial, is the name of a Canadian Resort.  Banff.  I've always, since I was old enough to speak, have hated that name.  The letters sounds for N and F should not be placed right next to each other and as a result, I'm not confident that I can pronounce it correctly and thus makes me feel like a f*cking idiot!!  Change your name!!

This is a nice segue into my draft for the words that I absolutely LOVE.  These are my favourite words and I try to use them on a regular basis because they're fun and useful. 

Number One (and I suspect would be the most popular word): FUCK!  I really like the F-word.  It's so perfect and universal.  There's a video or audio track out there that I'll try to find and post with this blog when I put it up, that goes through all the many uses of the F-word.  From a noun to a verb to adverbs to you-name-it, fuck can be used for it or to describe it.  I use it frequently.

Numero dos: TREMENDOUS, meaning extraordinarily great in size, amount, intensity or excellence.  For example, my love of the F-word, is tremendous.

Third pick is: EXTRAVAGANZA.  I'm not sure why I ever started liking the word.  I believe it started a couple decades ago, when I'd be calling up the local bars to see if they were going to show the wrestling pay-per-views.  Only when I'd call the various establishments, I'd ask if they were planning to show the "wrestling extravaganza" rather than the PPV.  This, to my knowledge, is the only time I really used the word.  To this day, I don't believe I use it for anything other than in the company of a wrestling event. 🤔  Hmm.  Still a fun word, though.

My fourth pick is one that I began using many many years ago, when I would hang out with Dustin K___ and a bunch of people whom I worked with at the time: DISCOMBOBULATED.  Verbiage was big with these guys and when discombobulated came across our purview, we were enamoured.  More so when the word made an appearance on an episode of The Simpsons.  Looking at the word today, I've come to realize that it's not just a fun word to say and use, but it would seem it's also the a state of mind that I frequently experience.  I've had meltdowns in the past, where I was so confused about something that I did a million times but for a few fleeting minutes, I couldn't grasp the logic of how or what I was doing.  I recently had a moment like that at my current job, but after a few deep breaths to calm my nerves, I was no longer discombobulated and was once again, focused.

Fifth and final pick is the word: INDULGE.  I only recently discovered it's charm and grace.  Meaning to yield to an inclination or desire; to yield to satisfy or gratify.  Essentially surrendering to what brings you joy or satisfaction.  There may be too much of that in the world, but in moderation, I think it's fine and people should practice more.

This concludes my Draft of Favourite Words.  That list again:

1. Fuck
2. Tremendous
3. Extravaganza
4. Discombobulated
5. Indulge

I feel it necessary to make a couple honourary mentions, that never quite made the list, although this first mention was on the list for a short while, before being replaced by "indulge".  That word is: MOIST.  The reason I enjoy it is mostly because most people hate the word.  Moist.  Mmmmoist.  Mmmmm... Moist.  It's so fun to say, but more so when you see people squirm at it's mere mention. 😂

Another word would be: FART  The only reason for this one is that the sound of the word also matches the sound that it describes.  It's like the word orange can only describe the fruit that is the same in colour.  They're made for one another.  Much like only fart can accurately describe flatulence.  Say flatulence to a kid and they'll cock their head to the side like a confused mutt, but say "fart", they'll laugh and know exactly what you're talking about.  Plus....  Let's be honest.  Farts are fun.

Bugbear

Do you know what the speed limit is within a parking lot?  Would it surprise you to know that it is 15 kilometers per hour?  I think I am one of the only people to, not only know this fact, but who practices it also.  Yet people on foot, will constantly run in front of or behind my vehicle then turn to chastise me for "moving too quickly".  These are usually the same culprits who will then climb into their vehicle and speed out of the parking lot at a velocity of sixty or seventy kilometers per hour.  These people are among the many pet peeves that seem to plague my everyday life.

A "pet peeve" is described as: A particular and often continual annoyance; A personal bugbear.

My life seems riddled with pet peeves, the afore is a minor one.  Though it seems to occur upon almost every visit to the nearby Home Depot, it has little or no effect on me, personally, but has become tiresome, all the same.

I've tweeted my major peeves, which have been commented on as being shared by many.  The most frequent being that I will sit through a barrage of annoyingly repetitive commercials only to realize that the program I'm watching is recorded.  Even with the remote control in hand, my thumb placed firmly over the fast-forward button, I will often mutter profanity to myself about the irritating commercials, all the while forgetting to depress the button under my opposable digit.

Another exasperation of mine is sitting down to watch a program, whether it a mere sixty minutes in length or a movie that is more than a couple of hours long, and falling asleep.  I'd prefer to see the show in it's entirety, avoiding revisitation.  Earlier today, it happened to me twice while watching the (Christopher Nolan) Batman Trilogy.  The movies are not boring in the least, yet I found myself slipping into deep slumber about an hour into each movie, only having to skip back ninety minutes to rewatch the full movie.  This also occurs whenever I sit down to watch any of the Star Wars movies, although I rarely bother going back to watch the full stories over again.

Probably one of the biggest pet peeves I have, nowadays, isn't one that's come into fruition until as of late.  It does not occur very often, yet when it does, it sends me spiraling.  It has occurred when I'm climbing into my vehicle.  When I'm climbing into bed and (earlier tonight) settling down on the sofa to watch a movie.  Breaking wind.  A split-second before I plant myself firmly in my seat, a minor fart will slip out.  Minor in it's simplicity, yet major enough to almost bring me to tears.  The smell nearly harsh enough to drop a moose out of the sky.

I know not the recent exuberance of flatulence, but I suspect it may largely have to do with the ingestion of tomato-based foods.  I did have pizza yesterday and lasagna today.  Decrease the intake of such foods and I'll be less likely to fart on myself.  So better consciousness of my surroundings and my pet peeves will likely decrease.  If only it were so easy...

Ring of Fire

By nature, when it comes to food preparation for my lonely self, I tend not to get too fancy in the kitchen.  More often than not, I will prepare something quick and easy for myself to tide me over to the next meal, which might be something slightly more complicated or something from the drive-thru.  Pizza pops, for those unfamiliar, are a microwavable food snack which is available exclusively in Canada and are a cornerstone of my dietary practice.  It's a pocket of dough filled with a variety of pizza flavours.  In the beginning there were two flavours available.  One contained cheese, pizza sauce, pepperoni and bacon.  The other was called a Chili Pop, which was the same concept, only it was filled with chili.  The latter was a tasty treat, but sadly, it was discontinued shortly after it's introduction, but soon after it's demise, other pizza-themed flavours popped up, including a classic that had onions, ham, mushrooms 'n' some other shit.  I was never a fan of those flavours, nor was I too enthused about the ham & pineapple Hawaiian pizza pops.

Throughout the years since their inception, more flavours were introduced, which were favourable to my taste palet.  Triple cheese is a tantalizing favourite of mine, offering a chance at a heart attack with every delectable mouthful.  As well, I enjoy the Triple meat, that includes pepperoni, sausage and either beef or bacon.  I can't recall, exactly, but it's tasty as f**k.

Along comes this new flavour, Blazin' Nacho Cheese.  The image on the box would indicate that it's spicy hot in nature.  I'm not a fan of super hot shit, but I picked up a box of this new flavour, thinking how hot could it possibly be?  Let me tell you, my Canadian readers, anyway.  Take heed.  These motherf**kers aren't hot initially, though my pansy ass did find them fairly heated, all the same.

I heated just two of these doughy treats up Saturday afternoon.  As a precaution, I drank chocolate milk with them and I'm relieved I'd done so.  My palate is soft when it comes to anything hot and spicy.  Years ago, I burned my mouth on the pansy buffalo wings at a nearby watering hole, although I secretly believe that the cook read the order as "pansy" and decided to go ahead with spicy hot wings.  I doubt any self-respecting bar visitor is going to outright order the pansy wings, but I possess very little by way of self-respect, but instead of being weak flavoured, the heat was bold and somewhat bullying.  They knocked me on my ass, so when it came time to consume these seemingly hot pizza pops, I wasn't taking any chances.

I ate only two pizza pops, hoping for a light snack before something more substantial in the evening.  They were f*cking hot, but not nearly as bad as they would have been, had I drank a soda with them instead of the chocolate milk.  The fun never stopped there, though.  A few hours later, my stomach felt a little topsy-turvy and I was unable to follow up with a decent meal.  Shortly after that, came the gambling phase, where built up gas was straining to be released, which sometimes feels like a gamble, cutting one loose and realizing something more than just methane had evacuated from my nether regions.  99.999% it's a false alarm, but a majority of those still felt like a close call.

That thin line between between farting and sharting is a dangerous and precarious one.  Occasionally, it's a very stressful and uneasy feeling.  Squeaking out a sliver, negotiating that careful balance between noncommittal and unleashing a tremendous fury of flatulence.  Thankfully, there was no issues following my eating the hot pizza treats, except several cases of "flaming hoop", which is a hot burning sensation that follows a fart.  It's killer.  Dry, thankfully, but burns all the same.

Long story short.  Some people are cut out for this hot spicy shit.  I'm not.  I'll probably finish the box, as I literally cannot toss out anything if I don't have to.  I only have six left and they are frozen, so I can space them out enough where I won't remember how treacherous they really are.  Like KFC, which I eat once in a blue moon, as a reminder as to why I don't eat that shit.