Nobody F*cks With Reggie

The song "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" became a classic Christmas carol early on.  Recorded by cowboy-crooner, Gene Autry, the song quickly rose to Number One on the charts in 1949.  The song was derived from a short story that was written for the Montgomery Ward department store in 1939, as a marketing ploy to sell seasonal colouring books. The story was written as a poem so adapting it to music came as quite an ease.

There was a mention on the radio earlier this week, discussing the origins of the Christmas classic "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer".  The author, Robert L. May was going to originally name the famed-reindeer Rollo or Reginald before finally settling on Rudolph.  Arguably, Rudolph IS the better name as it more easily rolls off the tongue when singing the song.  More so than Rollo or Reginald.  The radio guy claimed that Rollo or Reginald was difficult to sing in time with the music, to which most would agree, but I'm in the small group or perhaps I may be alone on this, but I think "Reggie the Red-Nosed Reindeer" works just as fine as Rudolph does, but it comes with a catch.  Nobody f*cks with a guy named Reggie.

Rudolph or Rudy isn't a tough sounding name.  If anyone is named Rudolph or Rudy in life, which obviously there is, they need to be tough, because Rudy is not a tough sounding name.  It sounds like a push over.  A runt.  A wimp.  When a Rudy runs up and asks to play in reindeer games, they're obviously going to urge him to piss off.  Reindeer games, after all, for those unfamiliar, are hardcore.  So much, you won't even see your toughest personalities f*cking with that sport.  MMA, NFL, Pro Wrestling?  None of these athletes are f*cking with reindeer games and neither is a Rudolph.  That shit would eat him and and spit his sorry little ass out.

Now a Reggie, red nose or not, he's going to get into the thick of things.  Reggie is the type of reindeer that if he's discouraged once, he's going to take matters into his own hands... er, hooves, and do something about it.  Reggie is going to work out.  Hit the weights, work on his cardiovascular.  Maybe even sneak some steroids to emphasize the matter.  Reggie the red-nosed reindeer doesn't take rejection lightly and he'll come back and he'll whoop some reindeer asses.  You watch.  Reggie won't just play in those reindeer games, but he'll f*ck shit up and become the best, the ultimate reindeer game player. 

Meanwhile, Rudolph.... Rudy, is sitting on the sidelines watching all the game play, wondering why everyone is so mean.  Grow a backbone, Rudolph!!  For Christ's sake, not everything gets handed to you on a platter.  Take some initiative!!

That's what happened, though.  Reginald -- Reggie was never to be.  Reggie is a tough son-of-a-bitch.  Reggie makes for a short uneventful song.  Rudolph, on the other hand, shows a challenge. Displays diversity.  Rudolph is the underdog that everyone feels needs to be cheered.  To be championed.  That's why on that fateful Christmas Eve night, when the fog was so thick, Santa couldn't see the belly that was in front of him, he called on Rudolph to guide the troupe of reindeer and his sleigh, thus plunging Rudolph into history as the most famous reindeer of them all.  Handed to him on a platter.

Throughout history, Reggie or Reginald the Red-Nosed Reindeer is just a discarded note on the floor of the artists office.  Never to see the light of day.  At least not until now....

Behold!  I'd like to introduce you to:
Reginald (Reggie) the Red-Nosed Reindeer

And nobody f*cks with Reggie!!

Calgary Expo - Day One

Woke up early this morning, packed the truck full of shit and rushed across town to pick up friends before heading out west, Calgary bound, intent on attending the 2015 Calgary Comic Expo.  This is the second such event that I have attended, the first being in Saskatoon, but in comparison, the Saskatoon version is pretty small.  I had heard stories of what these larger events entailed, so I've entered this scenario with predisposed thoughts, but so far, while scaled up in size, I can't help but think, I thought it'd be bigger.

Granted, it is only the first day and we've had limited exposure.  Tomorrow we're going to tackle a whole other venue we discover via a highly confusing event map.  Also happening tomorrow, I'm going to meet the Hardcore Legend, Mick Foley.  I've been stoked all week long, dreaming (and wondering) just what the hell I'm going to say to the man.  As the minutes and hours pass by, I will admit I'm becoming more overwhelmed with anxiety.  I hope I can hold it together when I do finally meet him.  I have a great deal of respect for the man, as a pro wrestler, a writer, an entertainer and an all around genuinely nice guy.  I know from personal experience that sometimes our heroes let us down when we meet them, but I know in my heart that Mick is the real deal.  More on that subject in the coming days.

The one thing that I do know for sure, is that Calgary, in the sense of maneuvering about in traffic, is insanely moronic.  I don't know who the dumb f*ck was who decided on the meandering streams of traffic, but it is confusing as f*ck.  So confusing, I might add, that the GPS in my friends phone, was barely able to provide a definitive route in order to get from point A to point B.  Either that or it was "the reader", but I'm sure she'd flat out deny that.

Over all, Day One has been uneventful.  Just an opportunity to get our bearings.  We have three more days of this insanity.  Now I'm chillin' at the hotel, headphones on and listening to Bert Kreischer's Bertcast with MMA fighter, Brendan Schaub, disrespect the physicality of professional wrestling, using the my most hated word in the English language....: Fake.

What's The Matter, Slugger?

There's another story in the news about some kid, who after feeling bullied, brought a 12-gauge shotgun to school and shot a kid.  Thankfully, he was stopped by a teacher and a school counselor before he had a chance to turn the gun on two more intended targets.

After tragedies like this, the movie theater catastrophe last summer and the slaughter of twenty school children before Christmas, I don't understand why people, gun enthusiasts included, don't see that there's an obvious problem with firearms.  "It's our right to own guns!" they say, "The Second Amendment* says so..."

(*Second Amendment of the United States Constitution)

Isn't it funny how there's 27 amendments in the U.S. Constitution, but people seem to only remember that one, or the first when they want to shoot their mouths off, or the fifth when they wish not to incriminate themselves in a court of law.

When these tragedies occur and all the zealots are exclaiming there Second Amendment rights, I'm a little confused as to why NO ONE HAS REALIZED that the Second Amendment was proposed in 1789 and enacted in 1791, when a gun consisted of loading a lead ball into a barrel packed with batten and gun powder.  Of course it would've made sense to own more than one rifle.  Especially with the threat of foreign invasion looming over your head.  If the suggestion would've been made to the forefathers of the great nation of the United States, that one day there would be guns made that could shoot off 25 bullets within two seconds* of time, their unusually small and narrow minds would've strung you up for heresy.  I guarantee, however, that if there were a time machine available and any one of the founding fathers were brought to modern day America, that Second Amendment would read a little differently.

(*I just watched an episode of Mythbusters, where a Tech 9's magazine (25 bullets) was emptied in just 2 seconds...)

In previous blogs, I've stated how I was bullied in school growing up.  I never once considered grabbing a shotgun from home and blowing those kids away.  Of course, I lived on a farm and rode a school bus into the city, where I was schooled, so it would've been quite an ordeal to smuggle a rifle to school unbeknownst.  That or the fact that, even to this day, I have no idea how to load a shotgun with shells.  I believe my dad kept the shells up on a shelf and I was too short to reach them anyway.  But I digress.  The thought of blowing them away, never even entered my highly imaginative mind.

As I recall, one time, while cornered by a bully, I did grab a large stick that was close by.  That seemed to fend them off long enough to escape to safety.  This memory prompts me to wonder why these troubled kids, don't just resort to bringing a Louisville Slugger to school to take care of business.  A baseball bat would prove to be much more personal when attacking their attackers.  Shooting them from a distance, seems like the cowardly way out.  

Of course, we live in a world that needs to direct blame on someone else, rather than owning up to our own gaffes.  Just as guns get the blame for school shootings, so would pro wrestling or baseball be blamed for a kids whacking off kids with a Louisville Slugger and not the fact that the social cliques in our schools are seriously fractured.

I realize that these statements make it sound like I'm condoning school violence.  I'm NOT!!!  Really!!  Believe me, the whole premise of using "vigilante justice" to get even with school bullies, is completely alien and retarded, in my opinion.  Especially in an era where "anti-bullying" is very trendy.  All a troubled student need do, nowadays, is go to a school counselor or teacher and report the bullying incident.  If the school official fails to take the problem seriously, the bullied teen can simply add the words, "I'm feeling 'shooty'...!"  That ought to grab someone's attention.

I've always thought communication was malformed and unreliable.  In most cases, referring to my own experience, the reports go unresolved and lost in the jumble of everyday lives.  These days, communication is a vital necessity.  Whether it be with a teacher, a parent, or whomever.

The student, that I mentioned at the top of this page, who was shot by that kid with the shotgun, is in hospital recovering.  Hopefully they will survive this ordeal and won't be permanently affected by the ordeal.  The teacher and counselor who distracted and disarmed the shooter are, today, understandably shaken.  At the time they didn't know if he would add them to the list of casualties (or worse), but knew something had to be done to stop him.  They don't want to be referred to as "heroes", although their acts were heroic.  And as for the kid who brought his shotgun to school, officials say he will be tried as an adult.

Ironically, he felt victimized and bullied, hence his acting out so violently.  If convicted, he will go to prison where he's going to really be bullied by fellow inmates, bullied up his ass.  That boy's going to be someone's bitch, this much is certain...