Tits 'n' Ass

A few months back, myself and a friend had the distinct privilege of seeing Australian comedian, Jim Jeffries perform his unique comedy act, here in Saskatoon.  It was shocking, vulgar and hilarious as all f*ck!  As his show came to a close, Jim got somewhat serious for a moment, passing on a message to give to charity, but more specifically, charities for Colon Cancer.  He went on to explain that most money goes towards Breast Cancer charities, but not as much goes towards Colon Cancer.  He never elaborated on this message, but I gathered that someone close to him either has or succumbed to colon cancer.  A valid message, all the same.

I came away from that show, wondering why so much charitable donations go to breast cancer and not so much to other cancer charities.  Then it donned on me.  I think I may have been looking at a picture of Katy Perry or some well-endowed female starlet, when the reason became clear.  The solution was simple: Everybody loves boobs!

Now, I do mean everybody.  Women love their boobs!  And men love women's boobs.  I think even gay men, have a certain affinity for boobs, male or female.  So, yes!  Everybody loves boobs!!  Not many people like an asshole!  I'm a great example of this.  I don't have colon cancer, but I am an asshole, which explains why I have so few friends.

It's all crystal clear.  Breasts rule and assholes drool!  However, you feel in either case, though, if you have the cash to spare, give what you can, whether it's for the love of boobs or to ass cancer, out of spite.

I Heart Boobs

I was patiently waiting in line at the Bulk Barn today.  I glanced over to another register just as it's teller stooped to pick something up off the floor.  The shirt she was wearing, was not buttoned all the way to the top and as she knelt, I caught a full view of her ample bosom.  Not to sound like a pig, but I suspect the ship has sailed on that, but she had a lot to be proud of.

Fast forward to tonight.  I'm filing through an employment website, continuing the search for gainful employment.  I come across a retail sales associate at a nationwide department store, The Bay.  They're seeking a Sales Associate for the Lingerie Department.  I jokingly mention it to a friend I'm conversing with on Facebook, adding my love of 'boobs' as a benefit.  To my surprise, she urges me to apply.  I insist that I was joking, but she prompts me to apply anyway.  Facetiously, I though of how the interview would play out.

Interviewer: What qualifications do you feel you possess that would be beneficial to you if you were selected for this position?

Me: Well, I'm notorious for looking at boobs.  Morning, noon and night, it's boobs, boobs, boobs.  I guess you could say, "I love tits!"

Interviewer: PERFECT!!  YOU'RE HIRED!!  When can you start?!?

In a perfect world, boobs would be the answer for all of life's problems.  No gas in the car?  Boobs!  No food on the table?  Boobs!  Credit card bill is overdue?  No problem!  BOOBS!  Trouble in the Middle East?  Boo...  Actually, a nice pair of boobs in the Middle East, might be what the doctor's ordered.

As an after thought, I might send in an application for the Lingerie Salesperson job, just as a joke.  I love breasts, so I feel I'm qualified.  (I had to pause while typing that last sentence, as I broke out with laughter.)

The average age of the cliental who frequent The Bay is....  Golden age, I believe.  I'm a pig.  I'm shallow and yes, I like boobs, but not the old wrinkly ones.  Ample boobs and cleavage would be a benefit of any job, provided you can look without being caught, but "they don't pay the bills", as my friend admitted.  It'd be nice and perhaps they do in Vegas, but in the real world, this isn't the case.

Maybe "soapy tits"... ;)