The Peaceful Sound of Nature

Early this morning, I awoke to the peaceful sound of a babbling brook flowing nearby.  The process was slow, hearing the rushing water passing over the smoothed stones in the distance.  Then almost like magic, the soothing gurgling sound drew nearer.  It felt almost like I was being carried on a puffy cloud, floating over the landscape to the river's edge.  I've not felt so relaxed in a very very long time.

Finally, when I opened my eyes, I discovered I was not surrounded by the lush greenery of the forest, but by the bland naked walls of my bedroom.  My cat sleeping nearby, his slumber obviously also disturbed by the burbling sounds, as he looks about the room confusedly.

"Rubble, rubble, rubble!"  The rippling cackle dissects the silence.

"Shit! There it is again!" I think quietly to myself.

"Rubble, rubble, rubble!"

It's my stomach growling.  Time to get up and feed the beast!

The Zombie Apocalypse

A short while ago, I watched a "science" show on a zombie-like virus that would eventually infect the entire world.  The show was on a science channel and spoke mostly of "what ifs", but much of the speculation was based in actual science.  The premise, essentially, began with a breaching whale, of all things, that lands atop a small sailing vessel.  The survivors are beaten up pretty bad, but are rushed to a nearby hospital.  Unfortunately, their injuries are far too severe and they succumb soon after arriving.  Unbeknownst to medical staff, however, is the unseen virus that exists.  Acquired from the whale that struck their boat, the two victims of this maritime tragedy are also infected with the rabies virus.  Even though they are deceased, medical staff contract the deadly virus and soon begin showing symptoms.  At this point of the science program, the pandemic really begins to snowball.  Eventually, the world is over run and humanity, as we know it today, is lost to the annals of time.  The program was a thing of pure fiction.  A form of accepted adult entertainment, but real enough to leave a grain of sand in the back of your mind, just large enough to make you think.., "What if?"  

Fast-forward to today, where there's word of a major viral outbreak in West Africa.  Formerly known as 'Zaire ebolavirus', it's now known simply as the Ebola Virus.  (Zaire was dropped, I suspect, because the stigma of a deadly virus really hurt the tourism of Zaire.)  Without getting into the thick of it, the virus, in it's simplest of terms is: It begins with an onset of influenza-like stage which includes symptoms like chills, sore throat, headaches and pain in the joints, muscles and chest.  The central nervous system is majorly disrupted with the development of confusion, seizures and sometimes even coma.  And that's the mild part.  Eventually, lesions form on the skin, followed by major bruising and eventually hemorrhaging.  The actuality of the disease is much more in depth than this, obviously.  Suffice it to say, it's not a cool way to be taken out in this world.  Having a vending machine fall on you after it steals your quarter.  Now THAT is a way to die, my friend.  Currently, according to Wikipedia (where I obtained this delightful description) says that there is no known cure for this affliction.

So I'm laying in bed this morning, sleeping very lightly with the TV on in the background.  I have it set to a news channel and I repeatedly hear a story about two aid workers in West Africa who contracted the deadly disease and are now in peril.  They've been quarantined in Africa, but are now being sent back to America for treatment.  According to the news story, the Ebola virus has never existed in the western hemisphere, but soon it will.  The patients are being flown, one-by-one, under triple layered protection, to somewhere around Atlanta, Georgia. (This is the same area where "The Walking Dead" takes place.  Coincidence?) (Yes, actually.)  Each patient will be on a gurney surrounded by a protective plastic tent, which will exist inside another protective plastic tent.  Caregivers will be wearing hazmat-like suit and treatment throughout the transit will be given via thick rubber gloves that are at the side of the initial protective plastic tent.  Great care and attention has been given to the seriousness of this situation and anyone who is familiar with horror and tragedy movies, you know that so much attention to safety and prevention is just aching for failure.  Someone's going to tear their suit, be too ashamed to admit to it, rush home to kiss their wife and play with the kids and eventually, everyone in the greater Atlanta-area are f*cked, and eventually even me, way up here in Saskatchewan is going to be inflicted...  Selfish motherf*ckers...  But I digress.

I'm sure the reasoning behind why these people were volunteering in West Africa was of noble intent, but it's unselfish acts like this that are usually the most selfish.  Just because they wanted to stand out as being "heroic", supplying aid and rescue to those unlucky enough to be born into a shitty life, these people may eventually cause the end of the world.  With so much aid to be given at home, why fly half way around the world, placing the rest of us in jeopardy?

When asked why these two aid workers deserved to be given treatment in America, it was stated it was because they were Americans and because they gave so selflessly to help those in need.  I call bullshit!  By bringing them back to America, you're stating that the level of medicine in West Africa pales in comparison to that of Western civilization.  Of course, this IS true.  I doubt dancing around a fire, chanting incoherent rants will rid anyone of the hiccups let alone the Ebola virus.  At the same time, though, by bringing them home, you're proving to the world, that being an American is superior to everything and everyone else.  Maybe that's true.  I'm not to judge the validity of that belief.

The Ebola virus is contracted by contact with infected monkeys, fruit bats and pigs.  How someone comes in contact with two of these three things, is beyond me.  Pigs, I understand, because bacon is f*cking awesome.  Fruit bats confuse me.  They are only a few inches long and what fruit they eat, is hardly enough sustenance for even the hungriest of Africans.  I mean, what the f*ck is one grape going to do for ya?  As for coming in contact with infected monkeys...  You'd think people would've gotten the hint after catching AIDS from these motherf*ckers back in the 80s.  Now people are f*cking them again?  Is the gene pool so limited in Africa, that men have to take to the jungles for some sexy time with promiscuous monkeys?

It's written that to contract the Ebola virus, one needs to come in contact with the bodily fluids of an infected creature.  Blood, mucous & urine.  Semen, I've read is another example...  Other examples include, contact with contaminated medical equipment. (It's like nobody knows they can boil water with fire to sterilize this shit!)  The lack of usage of protective clothing like gloves or surgical masks.  The virus is not an airborne contagion, but you get some dumb motherf*cker sneezing in your face, and you're f*cked.  And given my, albeit limited, exposure to foreigners, considerations like "covering their mouths or noses in the event of coughing or sneezing, is not among their strong points".  I caught many colds from face-to-face conversations with the Filipino folks I used to work with.

The outspoken Donald J. Trump tweeted out a couple of comments via his Twitter feed, and though he's full of shit most of the time, I have to agree with him on these points he's made.

1. "Ebola patient will be brought to the US in a few days - now I know for sure that our leaders are incompetent. KEEP THEM OUT OF HERE!"
   
2. "Stop the ebola patients from entering the US. Treat them, at the highest level, over there. THE UNITED STATES HAS ENOUGH PROBLEMS!"

They're both valid points.  Why tempt fate by bringing this shit to North America.  You're just putting the rest of us in jeopardy.  Why punish us for doing the right thing and minding our own f*cking business?  You watch.  Some kind of shit will go down.  No one will own up to it right away.  The virus will get out.  People will die.  The government will label the virus some other media-savvy name, so as to divert attention away from the strain being identical to the Zaire ebolavirus.

I think this statement sums it up the best...

The Los Angeles Times reported that sixty-three percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Good. 'Cause that means when Armageddon really happens, thirty-seven percent of this population is going to "lose their minds". "Oh my God, the world is over!"  Us sixty-three percent?  We're going to go, "Hey... there's no one watching the Lexus dealership!  We're going to the Apocalypse with leather and a CD changer!"

- Christopher Titus, Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding

A Higher Wage for Minimal Work

I just read a tweet on my Twitter account (@ToontownJuggalo) where someone mentioned that they were going to boycott McDonald's until the company begins paying their employees a higher wage.  This decision strikes two chords with me.

Number one: It's f*cking McDonald's.  Arguably, the biggest franchise on the planet Earth.  I'm sure the corporation couldn't give a flying f*ck whether you come to their restaurant to pick up some chicken nuggets or chocolate shake.  They boast (right on their sign) that they've served over a billion people.  Subtracting a handful of well-meaning celebrities, really won't make much of a difference.

Number two:  It's f*cking McDonald's.  At best the company should be a stepping stone to a greater vocation.  To start a job flipping f*cking fries at McDonald's and thinking this could be a career for you, then you may as well take a long walk off a short pier.  I know that for a fast food conglomerate like Mickey D's, you can't rely on the pimply-faced kids to captain the helm.  Some responsible adult supervision is needed, but those should be the guys who worked at McDonald's as a kid, left to go to college, then returned with a marketing degree to man the head offices.  If you're thinking you can support your family while working the drive-thru at McDonald's, then you've got a f*cking screw loose.  Get the f*ck out while you can, dude (or dude-ette).  A McDonald's wage should be suffice enough to put gas in your car, maybe get that T-shirt or skirt you've had your eye on at the mall, or maybe buy a couple of joints.  (That last one is only a suggestion, because let's face it, you work at f*cking McDonald's.)

Progress

I was born an asthmatic.  When I was a kid, my breathing was really f*cked.  I could barely move without running out of breath and I was even hospitalized on a few occasions.  There were a couple of times when my future looked pretty f*cking bleak.

Thankfully, later on in life, I learned to control my breathing a little better, finding that many (of my) asthma attacks were instigated by anxiety.  Sometimes, if I found myself without my inhaler, I'd feel panic overwhelm me, quickly followed by a heaviness in my chest.  Since then, I'm able to relax myself to a point where I'm able to breathe easy.

What I find outrageous, nowadays, is when I leave my house without my Salbutamol asthma inhaler, I feel fine.  Even if I'm only a block or two from my house, a distance close enough where returning to my house isn't an inconvenience of any sort, I seldom turn the car around.  Even when driving the convertible, where I'm more susceptible to elements like dust and pollen, I rarely return home.  However, when I'm out in the world and realize I don't have my cell phone, I almost come undone.

A few short years ago, I never saw the point of carrying a cell phone.  I was one of the last people to start carrying a cell phone and today, I feel f*cking lost if I don't have my cell phone in my pocket.  I'm even guilty of calling into work sick one morning, because I woke up to my cell phone with a dead battery, because I was afraid I'd have to talk to another human being on my coffee breaks.  How f*cking sad is that?  A few years ago, I didn't have a problem engaging in small talk, yet today I'm afraid to utter a single word.

My asthma inhaler is a definite instrument that can save my life if the chips are down.  I barely use my cell phone as a f*cking telephone, yet I feel completely lost and helpless if I don't have it in my pocket.  How f*cked is that?  I guess that's called progress.

Purple is the New Blonde

Does anyone recall when "being blonde" was all the rage?  Most of the population sporting a platinum head of hair, achieved it via a bottle. You couldn't turn your head and not see a bleached blonde cross your line of sight.  It was always a "secret" held between them and their hair dresser. This doesn't seem to be the case anymore...  Not around here, anyway.

I've always been partial to redheads. Deep auburn's and alike.  Granted most redheaded women seem to also be bat-shit crazy, but perhaps it's the danger of walking that thin line between sanity and insanity that draws me to them.  Unfortunately, as of late, even the ravishing redhead seems to be a minority.

I went to a movie yesterday.  A time killer before meeting up with a friend of mine.  The theater was at the mall and as I was running late, I spent very little time rushing through the corridor that connects the parking structure and the theater.  In those few fleeting moments, I passed two people with purple hair.  After the film, the same thing happened.  I passed two more purple-haired people and they were not the same two people.

From a soft lavender to a hard eggplant, a trend has erupted where women feel the need (now) to have purple hair.  I guess because green, blue and orange is too preposterous. A few months back, I never saw anyone with unnatural hair colours.  Not until a good friend of mine coloured her hair.  I must admit that it suited her then and continues to look good today.  Could she possibly be the one who instigated this latest trend?  Maybe.  She is a social butterfly and possesses a unique style all onto her own.  Some of it leaves me scratching my head, sometimes, but at least it's leaps and bounds better than that Hello Kitty shit, she seems to like.

More than likely, Hollywood would be the culprit for starting this fad. I've spotted some major stars sporting the purple-look.  Pop icon, Katy Perry and that Demi Lovato chick make it look kinda sexy and hot, but I'd hardly consider them adequate role models.  Not when you consider Katy Perry's tits hanging half out of her shirt all the time.  Don't get me wrong. I find Perry's look quite fetching, but would you want your 11-year old daughter emulating the look?

Ironically, Kelly Osbourne, a prominent member of the Fashion Police on E! has had purple hair for many years now.  A look that ages her well beyond her young years.  Why does a woman who looks as pretty as Kelly Osbourne does, wish to make herself appear like she's a 70-year old woman?  It frickin' baffles me.

Purple hair, when applied correctly, does look pretty hot.  Just look at the little honey pictured above.  I'd date her, but I've always been partial to them redheads.  Mmm mm... Ya gotta love a redhead.

Ain't What It's Cracked Up To Be

The movie HERCULES is set to release this Friday, July 25th, and it will most likely be a tremendous blockbuster hit.  I really hope it is, as it's star, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, deserves much success.  Other than reading the odd article on Johnson's incredible workout regiment and dedicated diet in preparation for the film, I knew very little about the film.  Moments ago, before settling down to type out this blog, I finished watching a two-minute trailer that a friend posted up on Facebook.  Sadly, the trailer leaves much to speculation, story-wise, but this may be a good thing as most modern day movie trailers are guilty of showing all the good parts in the trailer and leaving the rest of the movie as empty filler, like discarded packing peanuts.  What I did gain from the HERCULES movie trailer, however, is that there's going to be much comic-relief -- which will most likely become tedious and annoying -- and many gratuitous fight sequences.

Another point stressed in the film's trailer was a strong emphasis on the superhuman strength possessed by the man known as Hercules.  An attribute as his mother is a common human, but his father is the great and powerful Zeus.  The fabled stories would have you believe that Hercules would possess the strength of ten men, a trait I believe will be multiplied ten-fold by Hollywood, and judging from Dwayne Johnson' incredible physique, may not be too far off the mark...

This claim of incredible prowess got me to thinking.  Percy Jackson's father is the Greek God, Poseidon.  It's a given that Poseidon may not be as powerful as Zeus, but the two were brothers, so that ought to mean something.  Therefore, shouldn't Percy Jackson possess the same physical strength as his cousin, Hercules?  Or at the very least, a fraction of his perceived strength?  I would imagine having the strength of even just five men would come in handy for some of his adventures, but instead, he's left with being clever and his two close friends.

Speaking of the offspring of the gods.  Shouldn't the biggest name on the list, J.C., himself have possessed some kind of superior ability?  Exceptional strength or an increased ability of any sort?  From what I've gathered throughout time is that Jesus Christ had the gift of gab.  An elevated ability to charm the weak-minded folks around him into believing the hogwash he was spouting.  A kind of super-power, I suppose, but one that differs from the old Snake Oil salesman from the early 20th century.  However, like those spinning wondrous tales of make-believe, the consequences of his yarns eventually caught up to him and he was hung out on the cross.  I bet he would've liked to have had the strength of ten men on that day.

I guess when it's all said and done; Being the son of a God, ain't all what it's cracked up to be.

Bill Cosby is an Asshole

Yesterday, July 17th, 2014, was a crazy day for me.  I had an appointment I needed to attend at 8am, clear across town, and I guess the anticipation of not wanting to miss that appointment prevented me from sleeping beyond 4am.

The appointment breezed by, ending about twenty minutes after it started.  I'd made arrangements to hang out with a friend who lived close by, but he wouldn't be available until after eleven o'clock, so I had a lot of time to waste in the meantime.  It was a lot of bumming around the nearby Wal-Mart.  Those who follow me on Twitter, would've seen some of the pictures I took of my "adventures".

Eventually, my friend D__ came home and we hung out, with his kids, for a little while, before the long hours of being awake, finally caught up to me and I was fighting the urge to fall asleep.  Sadly, I tapped out, admitting defeat and departed, opting to return home and go to sleep.  And go to sleep, I did.

I laid down on the sofa, with my cat, and together we slept for about four hours.  Then I got up, ate some soup, because it's a quick and easy meal to prepare; Open, pour, microwave, eat!  Then I laid down, once more on the sofa, with Monkey, my cat, close by. Slept for another three and a half, maybe four hours. Woke up, raced to Safeway to buy cereal, which had been sold out 7 days in a row. (FYI, DON'T shop at Safeway, they SUCK!!)  I returned home, just in time, as torrential rain and violent lightning began thundering above the house, moments after my front door closed.  So I went to bed.  Nothing else to do.

I slept nicely throughout the night, being awoken only once, around 6am to the sounds of my cat hacking up what I presumed was a hairball, but turned out to be only food that he wolfed down in some sort of imaginary race.  I shot him with a water bottle I keep nearby and went back to sleep.  (It's amazing how tired I am, considering I haven't worked in a month and a half.)

Around 9:30am, I awoke to the oddest thing I've ever had pop into my head, causing me to awaken abruptly.  The words "LISA BONET DIED ON THE OPERATING TABLE"!!! I hadn't watched any sort of television sensationalism gossip programming, especially anything as asinine as Entertainment Tonight or their equivalencies.  I've not seen anything pertaining to Lisa Bonet's questionable acting talent in (literally) decades, not since her "riveting" performance in "Angel Heart". 

Stunned at this news, I rose to check out her breathing status on IMDb.com, only to learn that the actress is the latest recipient of the famed DEATH HOAX.  Apparently, whilst I was unconscious on my sofa for most of July 17th, Lisa Bonet's publicist was fighting off and denying allegations of the actress's untimely demise.

So rest assured, everyone.  It is only Lisa Bonet's career that is dead and it's been dormant for decades, I suspect because of that asshole, Bill Cosby, who claimed she was unprofessional for doing nude scenes in the afore mentioned Angel Heart and for an alleged "unprofessional attitude".  Speaking honestly, though, if I had to work with a dick like Bill Cosby, I'd be unprofessional too.

LISA BONET is ALIVE AND WELL.  Looking at her picture, it's apparent that despite still having a rockin' body, she's not aging very well.  The grey hair is a real turn-off.